FaithInTheDark Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 Hi there. Im 24 and 5'11".ive always struggled with my weight. Im over weight but not obease...anyway..ive been single forever and only had one real boyfriend in my life that lasted 4months... I feel extremely lonely these days even though i have alot of true friends. This weight makes me feel inadeque compared to most thin girls. I feel my weight is preventing me from meeting someone. I hear my guy friends talk about looks and girls and i see how shallow and fixated they can be when it comes to looks. Guys i do like seem to be willing to hook up with me but it never turns into anything more...or im put in the friendzone. I dont know if its because of my size or just who i am...lately i havent had a problem with hooking up and its been kinda nice. My best friend talks alot about girls phyiscal flaws but him and i have hooked up twice in the past two months. Will guys date bigger women? Im working towards getting in shape. I want to be happy.i
kaylan Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 Being is shape dramatically increases the dating options you have. That being said, there are men out there who are ok with dating overweight women. So I wouldnt put blame your lack of success on weight alone. Have you tried showing strong interest in guys who catch your eye? And dont settle for FWB situations since thats not what you want. A lot of guys will sleep with a bigger girl and not commit to her. This isnt every guy though. 3
Mrlonelyone Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 How do you mean overweight? At 5'11'' a person is in the healthy normal range if they are between 135 and 171 lbs. Are you overweight as in over 171 or overweight as in over 125? If you are over 171 are we talking 10 lbs over or more than 10 lbs over? I'll bet that you are not really "overweight" you just are skinny as some other girls. 1
Weezy1973 Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 If you yourself are attracted to overweight men it shouldn't be an issue. Like tends to attract like. If, on the other hand, you're attracted to athletic or slim men, it will likely be a lot tougher for you. 2
stevejohnson94 Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 I'm going to be brutally honest, but this is only from my point of view. I take being shape pretty seriously. I workout almost everyday. I won't even consider dating someone who is overweight. Call me shallow, but I believe taking care of yourself is indicative of other factors I find important in a relationship. Also, I must be physically attracted to someone in order to be in a relationship with them and being in shape is incredibly sexy to me. Now, my point of view CERTAINLY isn't everyones, in fact it may be the minority - but, one thing is for sure - you are at least slightly narrowing the pool of men who will date you, which will diminish your chances of attracting a mate. But, there are PLENTY of men who don't share my point of view, so I wouldn't say it is "preventing" you - it just not may be helping. I hope this doesn't come off as offensive or harsh.... 3
thefooloftheyear Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 A woman that big is going to be a challenge to many men..Its very daunting...Its like trying to eat one of those 48 oz steaks, where if you can finish it they rip up the bill... All kidding aside..You might be well served to trim down..Youll feel better and I am sure you are going to get more attention from men.. I wish you well TFY
hppr Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 I guarantee you there are plenty of guys out there who want what you are selling if you catch my drift. The question is do you want them or not. If you want to get the sort of guys that those 'thin girls' get well...diet time. However if you want someone who likes you-for-you (as corny as that sounds) then you can get that right now. Just takes effort and a willingness to roll with the punches. 1
hppr Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 It won't stop the RIGHT man. This is bad advice. What she is doing isn't working. She's obviously not happy about it either. There's nothing wrong with weight loss and self improvement, not to mention the self-growth that it brings. 2
Hopeless80 Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 We're all attracted to whoever we're attracted to so if someone does not find me attractive, oh well. I'm not about to lose sleep over it. There are several guys out there thin and heavy that I do not find attractive. At the end of the day you want to find someone will accept you and all of your flaws. Whoever you're attracted to will also flaws that you'll need to accept. It's just the way it is. With all that said, I'm glad you're working on getting into shape. I was heavier than I should've been at one point too. I worked out, ate better, and as of today I'm almost 40lb lighter. I feel a LOT better physically and mentally as well. Good luck on your journey! I'm going to be brutally honest, but this is only from my point of view. I take being shape pretty seriously. I workout almost everyday. I won't even consider dating someone who is overweight. Call me shallow, but I believe taking care of yourself is indicative of other factors I find important in a relationship. Also, I must be physically attracted to someone in order to be in a relationship with them and being in shape is incredibly sexy to me. Now, my point of view CERTAINLY isn't everyones, in fact it may be the minority - but, one thing is for sure - you are at least slightly narrowing the pool of men who will date you, which will diminish your chances of attracting a mate. But, there are PLENTY of men who don't share my point of view, so I wouldn't say it is "preventing" you - it just not may be helping. I hope this doesn't come off as offensive or harsh.... I'm not taking this as offensive OR harsh, BUT I just wanted to point out that just because someone is overweight or even just on the heavy side slightly does NOT meant that they do not take care of themselves. There are numerous health issues or medications that can cause someone to be overweight. I'm not saying you should give a heavier girl a chance because if you're not attracted to her it won't work anyway, but just don't think it's a black and white situation here.
BradJacobs Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 There are numerous health issues or medications that can cause someone to be overweight. Which means they are unhealthy and, unfortunately, nine times out of ten means they don't (or didn't) take care of themselves. It's an unattractive lifestyle choice for a lot of people and being fat creates its own health issues that fit people don't experience (infertility issues, higher incidents of mental disorders, etc). +20% from the healthy BMI standard is certainly overweight and approaching obesity if it's not there all ready. Buy some running shoes, do yoga or pilates for body sculpting and then invest in dresses as the weight comes off.
Phoe Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 Being overweight doesn't automatically disqualify you, just as being fit won't automatically get someone a relationship either. Getting in shape should first and foremost be for YOU! If you focus solely on whether or not losing weight gets you a boyfriend, not only will the process likely be miserable, but if you still find yourself not in a relationship, you may lose focus on the fact that you made progress on bettering your health and appearance. Create a goal, keep it reasonable, and stay grounded. 7
BluEyeL Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 I'm dress size 10 and I never let that bother me. I read somewhere about the 18/40/60 rule. When we are 18, we worry about what others think of us; when we are 40, we don't give a damn about what others think of us; when we are 60 we realize that nobody ever thought of us much at all. ) I'm 40 so I don't give a hoot in general. Anyway, back to topic men have different preferences. If you want, you can lose some weight, but I bet it's more your attitude about yourself and your low self esteem that prevents you from finding a serious relationship than your weight. You shouldn't hook up with anyone and you should invest in yourself first, then date when you're mentally/emotionally ready. Read some self help books, go to therapy, become confident and only after that go out there. Of course you should eat healthy and exercise, but not for finding a man, for yourself, and keep that up all your life. As for reaching other goals, if you can think it, you can achieve it! 1
SoaringPhenix Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 (edited) There are many men out there that actually prefer women who are larger. I know quite a few men who do not like women that are "skin and bones". Their words not mine. I know it is going to sound cliche but it is true. You have to be happy with yourself. If you are not comfortable and happy with yourself that will show. If you are not happy with your weight then do something about it. But do it for you not for someone who wouldn't give you the time of day otherwise. If a man really likes you it should be for you not what you look like. While yes looks do play a role they shouldn't be the most important thing. Would you really want a guy who only wants you for your looks? Not that I'm saying all men are like that they aren't, not by far. I know it's hard being lonely. I'm sure everyone has been lonely at some point in time. I happen to be in the same boat as you right now. It's very hard. You just need to remember that any guy who would not date/want you just because of how you look is probably not who you want to be with. I also know that if you see the beauty in yourself it will help you not only feel better but you will be more attractive, because you will be more confident. Also that confidence will help you get out there and meet people. The more people you meet the higher your chances of finding someone. It's not easy but it's not as impossible as I know it seems at times. Edited August 23, 2013 by SoaringPhenix typo
LastLight Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 There are many men out there that actually prefer women who are larger. I know quite a few men who do not like women that are "skin and bones". Their words not mine. I know it is going to sound cliche but it is true. I am one of those guys I'm fairly lean and athletic but have always been more attracted to bigger women. Might be because most of the women in my family are big so I grew up with that being the norm?
Dzlez Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 If you feel like it is, it is best to do something about instead of thinking about how it is affecting you. Start working out, I can guarantee that it will boost your confidence.
FitChick Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 Being overweight is only a problem when the overweight person refuses to date someone who looks like him or her. Tonight I saw a fat couple -- I call their body type "walking beach balls" -- walking hand in hand eating ice cream cones. They looked happy. 3
mesmerized Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 it depends how much overweight you are and how you carry it. After a certain point yeah, it definitely prevents you from finding a quality man.
Sanctionne Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 I don't think that it's your weight that is keeping you from being in a relationship. I think that it's the fact that you think that you're not in a relationship because of your weight. I know a lot of men that like meat on a woman's bones. Not everyone has the same taste. Just try to be more confident Also... if you think it's such a big issue, then it's up to you to do something about it. Eat healthy, hit the gym. 1
hoping2heal Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 Im around 205lbs.. At 5'11? My cousin is about 5'10 and 200 pounds. She doesn't look fat at all and she's very pretty, has been dating the same guy for a few years (educated, good job, good looking, etc.) and she gets plenty of male attention.
todreaminblue Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 (edited) I think what si hard maybe that women are constantly aware of is perception provided by the media.......of what is considered hot and actually what that is.....is not real...... since having kids i have carried extra weight...i have never in my life been thin.....i went from a chubby child to a very fit teen........even then ....i was stocky had to give up rowing because my shoulders and neck grow pretty big.....when i got an eatign disorder which i developed over exercising nto eating that sort of thing....i never went thin......i went gaunt and pale.....still had muscle.............that was just soem hsitory fo ryou this is what i want to say....... when i have had serious relationships i was never at my thinnest......i was actually huge with a nine pound ten baby when a guy who i spent fifteen years with supposedly fell for me.....when i was a teen it was when i was a little chubby i had my first ever sweet boyfriend who was loving and affectionate...it isnt my look that attracts guys.........it is something in me...or maybe they think i am easy i really dont care if they feel that way because i am not at all easy...........i am not small now and i have had offers......i am fit though although i dont look it i just look overweight.....looks can be deceiving .. what i think is a problem for women is the fact they dont like to be with someone smaller than them and they feel that guys would feel the same way in reverse...with me its the reverse thing i feel guys see me as huge......i rarely judge a guy on his size if naything i was a bit fearful of the bouncer boyfriend but i feel they judge me...i have been with smaller guys than me....actually only one bigger....and eh was a bouncer but a stocky 5 foot 9 one....... i think you shouldnt worry about what some guys think...and just wait for the right one to come along.......you are young...the right guy...you wont care if he is smaller than you and he wont care either that you are bigger than him....and they actually arent that rare..........they are out there and i think worth the wait.......best wishes and good luck .....you are beautiful no matter what size you are.....you are more than what is reflected in a set of scales...you have forgotten to take into account that spirit of yours.....remember that and hold your head up so the right guy can see your pretty face...............hugs....deb Edited August 24, 2013 by todreaminblue 1
Revolver Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 Huh? The fat women I know have have WAAAY more options and men going after them then many of the men I know
PogoStick Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 It never hurts to work on yourself. As a guy at 205, I'm overweight at 6'2. So as a girl at 5'11 I'm sure there is room for improvement. My ex was 5'11 and 140, and turned heads everywhere she went, especially of other women. It was amusing to watch people at the mall or grocery store. I'd even hear 8 y/o girls comment. I would never expect that of a naturally thicker girl but somewhere in the middle would probably look fantastic. Even 20 pounds makes a world of difference.
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