theonlyjuan Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 I have a had a bad habit of jumping into relationships. It never ends well and leaves me feeling very confused. I am almost 3 months single, which is longer than last time. I have met this girl and she is really nice and cool, so far lol. I find her attractive and all that. I do not want a relationship right now, it's too early for me. I can't be arsed with all the hassle that comes with it. I am not even sure what she is after I am hoping that she will become more like a best friend, it's what I feel like I have been missing. A girl to do things with, have a laugh with. How do I stop myself from feeling weak and pretending that I really like her? I have done this before, I convince myself I like someone out of fear of being lonely. Right now I feel like I wouldn't let myself and are far too concerned with new job,gym and other things. I don't want to start sacrificing all my hobbies and new interests, I did it with my recent ex. I basically became a tailor made boyfriend for her, was not myself at all. It left me feeling very confused about who I am and what I liked and wanted in life. I think/hope I will be ok, it's just incase Thanks
LoveIs Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 Whatever you do, don't fake her into a relationship with you, please.
todreaminblue Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 I can't be arsed with all the hassle that comes with it. I am not even sure what she is after you need to be honest and tell her how you feel, if you can tbe bothered to put the effort in .....then it is fair enough that she not expect you to ...so tell her so she knows it is not what you are interested in... just a curious question ......how do you pretend to like someone you say you ahve done it....what do you do, how do you do that?.....i think that would be worse than being lonely or alone to actually not really like soemone that way and then pretend you really like them.....tell her you just want a friend....i used to play a song if i couldnt say it....texas i dont want a lover( i just need a friend) when they asked me did you want me to listen to that song for a reason deb..i would say yes and honestly ...they did become my friends...because i often found it hard to let guys down who were really into me they faded out eventually, found soemone who truly did love them....i am happy they did..so shoudl you be.....tell her the truth....you could be a chicken like me and play songs about friendship...to tell the truth i wouldnt do that now lol....i have at least learned to say friends only is that ok did it recently...yes he is my friend ...i think.....deb
Author theonlyjuan Posted August 22, 2013 Author Posted August 22, 2013 Well obviously I liked them jut not as much as I made out. I convinced myself my ex and I were perfect and everything was great. I think I am just good at blocking out thoughts and blind to any faults in the relationship and partner. If you are that desperate to have someone and not be alone, you will go to extreme lengths to convince yourself it's all good
todreaminblue Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 If you are that desperate to have someone and not be alone, you will go to extreme lengths to convince yourself it's all good i dont know about that juan, i think its false logic.......a relationship that is built on a pretense and not honest emotions will never survive, and not only will you be alone after if it finishes but you will have extreme guilt for hurting someone needlessly.....being by myself i can handle and you can too.......guilt over hurting another is not something i choose to handle and you shouldnt either its needless and pointless........ i feel that you already know this or you wouldnt have posted here in the first place...you know its wrong to pretend...extreme lengths as you say to tell yourself its all good wouldnt involve posting about it...it would be denial(i know denial, i deny and you wont find many threads started by me because i am oen to deny what i feel and read about others not denying what they feel in the right now....i deal more in....history )...... and avoidance......i wish you the best i honestly do for the moment i hope that involves honest feelings and sharing them with a possible new friend you could have if you are truthful....good luck....deb
Author theonlyjuan Posted August 22, 2013 Author Posted August 22, 2013 Thanks To be fair I have probably made it sound worse. I liked my ex a lot but I thought it was better than it was. She was good looking and really nice etc but she was maybe a bit too young and naive for me. We did not have the same personality at all but I changed myself in an attempt to be more like her, she didn't know I did this. I just want someone one day to love me for everything I am, even the bad things about me. I don't want to pretend to be stuff I'm not and pretend to like or not like things to please her. I don't want to pretend again out of desperation of being alone. Hopefully I can be friends with whoever without doing this again. Hopefully the right person will come that fits around who I am and what I do and want to be 1
todreaminblue Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 Thanks To be fair I have probably made it sound worse. I liked my ex a lot but I I just want someone one day to love me for everything I am, even the bad things about me. I don't want to pretend to be stuff I'm not and pretend to like or not like things to please her. I don't want to pretend again out of desperation of being alone. Hopefully I can be friends with whoever without doing this again. Hopefully the right person will come that fits around who I am and what I do and want to be You will find that woman one day juan ...probably not tomorrow but when you do you will be glad you waited for that person instead of pretending with another, when that woman shows it is best if your available and ready and not busy pretending huh?...smilin.....best wishes.....deb
Recommended Posts