ps123 Posted November 10, 2004 Posted November 10, 2004 Has anyone ever heard that expression that it takes you half as long as you dated a person to get over them when it ends? In other words, if you dated a person six months, it will take you three months to get completely over it. I know theres no standard equation and that everyones different, but I was just curious if anyone else has heard that and your thoughts on it.
tattoomytoe Posted November 10, 2004 Posted November 10, 2004 there is no scientific calculation. Just theory...and yes, everyone is different.
bluechocolate Posted November 10, 2004 Posted November 10, 2004 yep - that one has been around for a donkey's age my thoughts? - everyone is different
beejsea2 Posted November 10, 2004 Posted November 10, 2004 I don't think there's any truth to that statement. It all depends on the emotions of the person, the investement to the realtionship etc.
DJ_Dork Posted November 11, 2004 Posted November 11, 2004 6 months...requires about 2-3 months of self time.
Urban Rubble01 Posted November 11, 2004 Posted November 11, 2004 Damn, looks like it's going to be a rough 2 years.
popvix Posted November 11, 2004 Posted November 11, 2004 I disagree completely. I was in a relationship for 7 years which ended on July 12th (Morbid timekeeping eh!) - Thats roughly 16 weeks to the day. Im not finished with breaking up with my ex emotionally, but im at least 80% there now i think. I was completely and totally head over heels in love with her at one point and 5/6 months ago my entire life was mapped out involving her. So it wasnt like i didnt care or have a strong connection emotionally. The absolute most important thing you have to do is look at this logically i think from my experience. Beyond a shadow of a doubt the first days will be hell, the following weeks will be very tough and even a few months into it you will no doubt still have alot of things going on in your head with your past love. The important thing to know from this is that you cant sidestep the first few months .... make sure you mourn the loss properly. Deal with the pain, the hate, the emotions and accept them. A few months afterwards, i would say the next most important step is DO NOT jump into another relationship, no matter how hard it is to stay single. Physically and Psychologically your looking to fill that void (mental issues, chemical imbalances in the brain etc) but you must resist doing this or you will probably end up in alot more pain in the long term, and may even end up in completely the wrong relationship. Ignore anyone around you who thinks they can fix things by hooking you up with anyone or getting you drunk... you have to sweat it out. Now i would say is the right time to force yourself into doing new things in new environments and with new people - Even if it seems like the hardest thing to do, join a club, get on a dating site, go to the gym.... mix with different people and have a new life beyond that which you had with your old partner - create new habits and ways of looking at your existance rather than looking back at your loss. Its never going to be easy and believe me in the early days you end up counting hours and days. Then one day you turn around and realise your at week 16 like me - search for my first few posts and you'll see a different person speaking. For me, just meeting a few girls on dating sites and ONLY being friends with them, as well as making sure i see my friends more has helped immensely. I know instinctively that jumping into a relationship for the wrong reasons is a BAD idea, and this wiseness comes with time. As much as im a man and i have needs.... My sanity and happiness is more important. A turning point for me was finding other people i could care about and enjoy their company and be happy to be with them, and suddenly realise that i wasnt thinking about my ex girlfriend any more - the notions in my mind went from negative ones, to positive ones. Having said that, i met someone on the way who had only been in a relationship for ONE year and she was in a total mess mentally from just reacting to lonliness and heartbreak in a more reactive than proactive manner. Im friends with her now and was honest with her straight away when i could tell she was becoming hooked on me even though the feeling wasnt mutual and we had nothing in common... it goes to show that the length of time your with someone isnt necessarily that important, its the way you go through the breakup in your own mind. Nothing like this is ever easy and i'd be a liar if said i didnt think about my ex or feel a bit down when we have to make contact for formal reasons ... but thats life eh. I would recommend getting some books which talk about the psychological and physical things that happen when you break up with someone. Theres alot to be said about mental pathways, seratonin and dopamine in there that suddenly makes alot of the emotions you feel, make alot more sense and let you put them in perspective. Hang in there
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