Shaun-Dro Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 I'm annoyed with this and the minute I expressed this to her she laughed at me and accused me of being insecure when that's hardly the case when I'm merely cautious. First off, she was recently hired at a youth program even though she's only 19 and her boss is a male in his 40s. Since I know she has a thing for older men and he probably hired her only for her looks, as a man knowing how most men think, he wants to get a shot with her because there's no other reason for having lunch with just her. The relationship is still young and yet I'm already trying to figure out how to deal with this possible obstacle since no other man has gotten a chance to get close to my little sweetie until now.
Maleficent Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 You know she was hired for her looks and you think she has a crush on her boss just because she likes older men? Well that says a lot about the opinion you have of your girlfriend... 14
Jbum5 Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 Let's keep this simple: You can't control the actions of other bozos so get over it. This applies to if other guys hit on your girl whether or not you are by her side to see it. This also applies to her, so if she chooses to cheat on you without breaking up first then she's the one that looks bad. Plus it gives you a chance to move on to find another beaut. During all of the above, if you maintain your composure and go about being the best you can be by continually striving towards your goals, you won't have any regrets. Stay calm. Stay classy. 4
Simon Phoenix Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 A boss is having lunch with co-workers? Perish the thought! This happens all the time in the real world. Grow up. 6
Auguria Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 First off, she was recently hired at a youth program even though she's only 19 and her boss is a male in his 40s. Since I know she has a thing for older men and he probably hired her only for her looks, as a man knowing how most men think, he wants to get a shot with her because there's no other reason for having lunch with just her. The relationship is still young and yet I'm already trying to figure out how to deal with this possible obstacle since no other man has gotten a chance to get close to my little sweetie until now. * Deep breaths* - Ever wondered that she might have been employed at the age of 19 because ... gasp... she's working for a youth program? You know, it might help the young people identify with an equally young employee... - Your girlfriend told you she's attracted to older guys, so it must mean that she is attracted to all of them including bald, fat, 40 years old men which this boss of hers might just look like. Makes perfect sense. Also, have you asked your girlfriend what she means by "old" ? She's 19. A 30 years-old man might seem awfully old to her in regards to relationships. Ever wondered about that? - Is/ was your girlfriend a virgin before she met you because that highlighted sentence is a bit scary. If she was, oh boy! - 6
Author Shaun-Dro Posted August 22, 2013 Author Posted August 22, 2013 You know she was hired for her looks and you think she has a crush on her boss just because she likes older men? Well that says a lot about the opinion you have of your girlfriend... I'm just pointing out the facts as I see them. And when I got off the phone with her a few minutes ago, she revealed that her boss told her how cute she is and bought her cupcakes. Now please tell me that his intentions are pure and honest, with no desire to try and seduce her? 1
Knoxpwns Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 I'm annoyed with this and the minute I expressed this to her she laughed at me and accused me of being insecure when that's hardly the case when I'm merely cautious. First off, she was recently hired at a youth program even though she's only 19 and her boss is a male in his 40s. Since I know she has a thing for older men and he probably hired her only for her looks, as a man knowing how most men think, he wants to get a shot with her because there's no other reason for having lunch with just her. The relationship is still young and yet I'm already trying to figure out how to deal with this possible obstacle since no other man has gotten a chance to get close to my little sweetie until now. I had lunch with my boss once. guess what happened? He talked to me about my position in the company, weather or not I wanted to move forward with it as a career, and got a raise. Just sayin'. EDIT: he said she was cute and bought cupcakes? Nevermind, I'm on your side. disregard my post. 3
Maleficent Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 I'm just pointing out the facts as I see them. And when I got off the phone with her a few minutes ago, she revealed that her boss told her how cute she is and bought her cupcakes. Now please tell me that his intentions are pure and honest, with no desire to try and seduce her? You are basically saying she has no professionalism, and no particular working abilities, and that's what bothers me. I am not sharing my opinion on the matter because there are a zillion threads with the same subject and frankly, I've told my opinion before and it applies here as well. 2
darkmoon Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 at 19, anything over 35 looks bit decrepit, imho, she might need to let him down tactfully, it is her boss after all, she can hardly be abrupt with him, when I was 19, 35 looked ancient - no? 1
Simon Phoenix Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 at 19, anything over 35 looks bit decrepit, imho, she might need to let him down tactfully, it is her boss after all, she can hardly be abrupt with him, when I was 19, 35 looked ancient - no? Depends. I'm 35 and I get confused for mid-20s all the time because I have a full head of hair with no graying, no wrinkles and a youthful face. There are also guys my age who are balding and graying and look weathered. As far as the OP is concerned, you have to have faith that your girlfriend is loyal to you. Ultimately if something happens with the boss, it's her fault and you have to find someone else. But living your life fearful of what she might do is a recipe for disaster. Your lack of confidence will shine through and will turn her off. So you need to man up and trust your woman. And if she strays, you need to dump her immediately.
henderson14 Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 If she was just hired it makes sense. If there are others along also i makes sense. It its something that is just them that happens more than once, I would not like that. A major red flag would be if it is just them two and he is only doing it with her. 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 People love to assume she wasn't hired for her looks and he's not a perv or creepin on her...even though it happens all the time in the real world, it's just as feasible as her being hired for being apart of the youth program and him just being a boss. A lot of women don't understand as women, how men are and how far they really go and how they think about these things in their head. And guys to save face, feel it's taboo to talk about it or don't want to admit the shet lest they be judged and categorized as "one of those guys"...as perfectly demonstrated with Shaun here. A 19 year old girl is super impressionable, especially if she's got any damn daddy issues...furthermore older men don't use their looks and wrinkles to fondle the younger ladies for jeebus sakes man, how ignorant can people be to think that's the only angle you can use to pursue a woman is through sheer physical sexiness or youth? don't you think a guys got to use a little more tact than just "BAM! in your face! give me your vagina I'm a creepy old man!"...especially one much younger than you, clearly people are ignorant to how these older men engage younger women on top of it...it's done with charm, it's done with being personable and appearing "safe", someone trustworthy and a confidant...maybe even a mentor :: bangs head on desk then looks up to the sky :: "Seriously you couldn't have made me a rabbit or a tree or something like that? you just had to make human to be able to witness this shet?...why am I not a pine tree!!!!!" Here's the thing Shaun, you don't really know the situation with this guy and what kind of guy he is first of all....however you can very well be concerned he's taking her out to lunch...is it just her? what kind of "business" does that involve for a damn youth group of all things? I don't know...the shet sounds a bit suspicious to me but you can't assume just yet what it's all about without finding out more. Secondly, this might just be a fill her in kind of a thing...not something all that casual, something informal but just to meet her and get her up to speed on what she needs to know...it may just be more of a meetup than anything like a "date". Lastly, you've got to trust her...a lot of older guys make a play for younger women, that's not going end today or tomorrow...whether you're cast in the shadow of creep or "good guy" comes down to behavior and attitude rather than intent...both guys can have the same intent, just different superficial stats and one can be much more personable/charming. Just read this at this moment "how cute she is and bought her cupcakes."....go punch him in the face Shaun, seriously....he's going to try and make a play at it, it'll take some time to warm her up as he's got to remove the older creep guy vibe and build a relationship with her first...and since she likes older men already he's got an edge...she might completely fall for it or go with it but she'll probably be all moved and cuddly about it because she doesn't understand the game. 5
Treasa Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 I'm just pointing out the facts as I see them. And when I got off the phone with her a few minutes ago, she revealed that her boss told her how cute she is and bought her cupcakes. Now please tell me that his intentions are pure and honest, with no desire to try and seduce her? Does her boss buy other people cupcakes and tell them they're cute? Where I work, that's sexual harassment...but only if I say something about it. What was your girlfriend's response? That's more telling. If it had been me, I would have smiled and replied with, "Thanks, my boyfriend thinks so, too." And then I would have shared the cupcakes with everyone. 8
waiting4u Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 Although it is a little creepy, it's not unusual in a professional setting. I would try not to be bothered by it. Given that she's so young, it wouldn't hurt for you to tell her what you think about it. I would put a lid on the jealousy though. 1
Imajerk17 Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 (edited) Your threads seem like Groundhog Day, in that this is (I think) your third or fourth relationship since coming on the forum, and yet the problems you are facing from relationship to relationship seem to be almost identical: Girlfriend appearing to be disrespecting you by having questionable contact with another dude. Not trying to hate on you bro, but only one common denominator.... Edited August 22, 2013 by Imajerk17 7
BradJacobs Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 Does her boss buy other people cupcakes and tell them they're cute? Probably only does those things for the young, pretty ones. Now it's discrimination too, right? smh 1
Author Shaun-Dro Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 (edited) Depends. I'm 35 and I get confused for mid-20s all the time because I have a full head of hair with no graying, no wrinkles and a youthful face. There are also guys my age who are balding and graying and look weathered. As far as the OP is concerned, you have to have faith that your girlfriend is loyal to you. Ultimately if something happens with the boss, it's her fault and you have to find someone else. But living your life fearful of what she might do is a recipe for disaster. Your lack of confidence will shine through and will turn her off. So you need to man up and trust your woman. And if she strays, you need to dump her immediately. I'll definitely kick her ass to the curb if I even suspect her of trying to cheat on me; believe it! As far as letting my lack of confidence shine through, that hasn't happened and won't as far as I can help it. The only thing I did was mention how I don't trust this guy and she made a joke about me thinking another man will steal her away. She thinks this **** is funny but I'm serious. Edited August 23, 2013 by Shaun-Dro more spaces
Author Shaun-Dro Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 Does her boss buy other people cupcakes and tell them they're cute? Where I work, that's sexual harassment...but only if I say something about it. What was your girlfriend's response? That's more telling. She didn't seem to have a problem with it. All I'm going to say for now is that I'll watch how this plays out. I'm picking her up tomorrow anyway so I can get a better look at this thing.
Summerslam Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 If you trust her, let her have lunch with him, if you don't, then you have no business being together, no offense.
crederer Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 This is completely normal work stuff. Now him calling her cute and stuff is not appropriate. But that's his behaviour, not hers. You need to trust her, which you obviously don't. Regular dinners/lunches would be a red flag but for now you seem good. Don't let your insecurities mess you up. Also, how old are you? Just curious.
DresdenKing Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 People love to assume she wasn't hired for her looks and he's not a perv or creepin on her...even though it happens all the time in the real world, it's just as feasible as her being hired for being apart of the youth program and him just being a boss. A lot of women don't understand as women, how men are and how far they really go and how they think about these things in their head. And guys to save face, feel it's taboo to talk about it or don't want to admit the shet lest they be judged and categorized as "one of those guys"...as perfectly demonstrated with Shaun here. A 19 year old girl is super impressionable, especially if she's got any damn daddy issues...furthermore older men don't use their looks and wrinkles to fondle the younger ladies for jeebus sakes man, how ignorant can people be to think that's the only angle you can use to pursue a woman is through sheer physical sexiness or youth? don't you think a guys got to use a little more tact than just "BAM! in your face! give me your vagina I'm a creepy old man!"...especially one much younger than you, clearly people are ignorant to how these older men engage younger women on top of it...it's done with charm, it's done with being personable and appearing "safe", someone trustworthy and a confidant...maybe even a mentor :: bangs head on desk then looks up to the sky :: "Seriously you couldn't have made me a rabbit or a tree or something like that? you just had to make human to be able to witness this shet?...why am I not a pine tree!!!!!" Here's the thing Shaun, you don't really know the situation with this guy and what kind of guy he is first of all....however you can very well be concerned he's taking her out to lunch...is it just her? what kind of "business" does that involve for a damn youth group of all things? I don't know...the shet sounds a bit suspicious to me but you can't assume just yet what it's all about without finding out more. Secondly, this might just be a fill her in kind of a thing...not something all that casual, something informal but just to meet her and get her up to speed on what she needs to know...it may just be more of a meetup than anything like a "date". Lastly, you've got to trust her...a lot of older guys make a play for younger women, that's not going end today or tomorrow...whether you're cast in the shadow of creep or "good guy" comes down to behavior and attitude rather than intent...both guys can have the same intent, just different superficial stats and one can be much more personable/charming. Just read this at this moment "how cute she is and bought her cupcakes."....go punch him in the face Shaun, seriously....he's going to try and make a play at it, it'll take some time to warm her up as he's got to remove the older creep guy vibe and build a relationship with her first...and since she likes older men already he's got an edge...she might completely fall for it or go with it but she'll probably be all moved and cuddly about it because she doesn't understand the game. Amen. Let's cut the BS. As guys, we know exactly what it means when we call a girl cute. It means before even forming the words and expressing it to her, we already know this guy would definitely get in her pants given the opportunity, to put it plainly. May not necessarily mean he'll make a play for her, but still. Men and women can't be platonic friends for a reason... your suspicions are not unfounded. Does that make him a direct threat, though? Not necessarily, because if that's all it takes to become one then EVERY guy in the world who finds your girl physically attractive is a threat to you. And they are, technically speaking, but it's not up to you. If she wants to cheat, she'll cheat. By trusting her to not do so, she won't feel the need to rebel against your controlling attitude. Don't punch him or exude jealousy for showing interest in your gal, it's human nature to want what we can't have and she's only then going to see him as the desirable forbidden fruit. Learn from Eve's disobedience. On the other hand, do keep informing her and calmly making her aware of the nature of men, and how our minds work. Young women her age are usually incredibly naive when it comes to the lengths guys can and will go. Women don't value physical beauty as top priority like we do, so we can't just walk into a bar and flaunt our junk. We have developed other means to get laid. This boss of hers knows what he's doing. If he's smart, he might not make any explicit plays (this way your girl won't even know what's happening), he might use other tactics like reverse psychology and let HER come to him. Something to think about. "You're really cute, ya know that? Here, let me buy you some cupcakes." Pffffft. This is so obvious... 3
mesmerized Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 at 19, anything over 35 looks bit decrepit, imho, she might need to let him down tactfully, it is her boss after all, she can hardly be abrupt with him, when I was 19, 35 looked ancient - no? OP is like 36 himself The girl likes old men. 1
sweetjasmine Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 Your threads seem like Groundhog Day, in that this is (I think) your third or fourth relationship since coming on the forum, and yet the problems you are facing from relationship to relationship seem to be almost identical: Girlfriend appearing to be disrespecting you by having questionable contact with another dude. Not trying to hate on you bro, but only one common denominator.... Perhaps the problem might be that a 30-something year old possessive guy keeps dating teenagers with daddy issues and expecting them to be mature. And expecting them not to be drawn to other 30+ something guys who are into teenagers with daddy issues. Just a thought. 5
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