xxsilverdragonxx Posted November 10, 2004 Posted November 10, 2004 I'm coping pretty well since my relationship of 1 1/2 years ended about 3 weeks ago. Upon reflection, it started deterorating a month or two before. Maybe in another post I can give more details, but right now I have a few things in my mind that I feel I should take care of. The last time we talked on the phone(day or two after breakup), I didn't sound too sappy, and she seemed happy that I was getting out with some of my old friends. My negative side tells me she called just to help her cope with being the one that ended something very special to me, I.E. she doesn't want to feel any guilt. My positive side, along with some reflection on the past, says that she still cares for me, but I'm really not detecting any feelings of wanting now, or I think she would have contacted me by now. She did jump right to another guy, but in my opinion this guy is a step down from me. There may be some connection with him(i kinda knew him), but I can't see what she sees in him, as far as being a better companion or whatever than me. He may be a little bit more outgoing, but this I am working on myself; but not in order to go back and prove myself to her. So its been 3 weeks or so, and I have this feeling of no closure on my part. I've read some posts about people sending letters, email, phone calls, or 1-on1 where they told them how they were doing. I've talked to her parents, because I became really close to them, but I'm afraid I'll choke just a little bit when I talk to her, and maybe not get across the thoughts that have been spinning in my head. Oh, and when I talk to her parents, I have not mentioned anything about the relationship, and neither have they, but I'm sure my ex wouldn't give out details. Basically all I want to do is thank her for the good times we had, wish her the best for the future, tell her I am happy for her being happy. Even though I would love for her to turn her around and want to try things with me again, I don't feel it happening soon, but I am pretty pessimistic about the whole ordeal. Part of me wants to unleash a little anger and bitterness for what has happened, but thats just not gonna make me look good. I don't, and won't plead anything from her. I'm going to let her keep everything I moved into her room, and I haven't decided if I am going to pick up anything of mine; because 1, its just trivial stuff, a few dvds, maybe a game or two; 2 - grabbing all my stuff is going to be a solid way for me to say "I want nothing to do with you" which I'm not fully decided on, and won't be for a while more. To me, not taking that stuff is another way to start new and move forward from the past. So what I would like is some ideas, maybe some things you guys/girls have done before, to help me with the final closure, but I feel this needs to be done in person. I know its gonna be hard, but I want to try to be strong enough to communicate with my ex without feeling the next day like I wanted to say more. If anybody has any ideas or questions....post away!! And thanks in advance for the help. This forum is a great place.
MiuKiel Posted November 11, 2004 Posted November 11, 2004 Mmm, final closure... the day I dreaded because it meant that I couldn't call or write or see if she missed me. Yea, it got pretty pathetic on my part. I'd say that you should get your things back, in a casual demeanor. Mention it to her as a side-note. Remember though, it's been almost a month for you. Everyone here has some wonderful advice relating to time and healing, and I'll admit, i'm relatively new to the whole advice thing, but I'd say from experience, that you should give it a lot more time before you make any big decisions. Maybe your ex is just confused or she's trying out other options. This will undoubtely take a lot more time, but she may miss you and wander back into your life. Be pro-active, keep busy, improve yourself a lot (Good for you for the social thing!) and if she decides she wants to see where you're at in your life, you'll be way better then you were when you were with her. Make sure you do it for yourself, though. I wasted many months working out, Writing music, harder, faster than anyone I knew, only for the purpose of her seeing me and me hoping that it would have gotten her to want me again. Of course, it didn't. Lesson learned. Love yourself first. Closure hurts so bad sometimes: I cried my eyes out when I talked with my ex's parents for what I knew was the last time. Her mom told me, "You'll look back on this someday and laugh." I'm still not laughing and it's been almost a year, BUT... the talk with her parents, the talk with her siblings, the last talk with her, where I got all my Cd's, clothes, etc. back from her.... it was all for the better, even though it's tearing my heart up just writing this. I'm almost in tears, but I know it was for the better, so keep your head up and remember that once you decide to go for closure, you generally shouldn't regress without her willingly wanting back in your life. Again, take everything that I say with a grain of salt... I'm just an over-emotional boy in a 20-year-old's body, but I like to try and help when it's needed. Have a better day.
Urban Rubble01 Posted November 11, 2004 Posted November 11, 2004 Good post Murkiel. I couldn't have said it better. And that's funny you say you were working out harder and writing more music than ever. I've been doing the exact same thing ! Not really in an effort to get her back, if she came back because of a sexy body she wouldn't be worth it anyway. But I am keeping it in my head that if this really IS just a break and we get back together that I want to be twice the man I was before. And if it doesn't work out then it'll be good for meeting other girls, so you really can't lose.
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