purplepanda Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 I always feel like a sore thumb on here because I'm younger than most. I'm 19. I've been dating this guy--17..-- since the end of May. First off, we had sex way too soon. I didn't think that it would turn into a relationship. I did like him, I'm not that big of a slut. But yeah. Second, we took a "break" right after the fourth of July, but after we just called it a rough patch. It was a week of him deciding if he wanted to be with me... but after I ignored him, he came running back to me. Anyway. The other day he broke up with me. Through texting. Said the reason was because he was afraid that it was all about sex. We didn't do it as much as it sounds. Never more than like, twice a week. The past few weeks I would push him off me and we'd watch tv or something. And it's not like he takes me out anywhere. And I don't want to be the one with the wallet that pays for going out. So I just want to watch a movie on the couch or something. So I knew I made a mistake by jumping into bed before I should have. That night we talked for over two hours in person. He really seems to believe strongly that we should start over... but it sounds to me like he wants to be single. I told him, 'you can't have your cake and eat it too'. He kept saying, "It's really not as long as you seem to think. And if I wanted to really just run away, you wouldn't be here (he wouldn't let me leave btw), I wouldn't be talking to you..." I am scared and confused. I don't understand why he thinks we need to slow down by starting over. Does this make sense to anyone? I know he's 17 and ****, but he's had plenty of running around if you get what I mean. I don't want him to marry me, I just love being with him. He'd hold my hand when we were talking, we goofed around some; it wasn't all just serious talk. He'd pull me to him and try to kiss me, but I said, "Friends remember?? YOUR idea." When I did let him kiss me, he wouldn't pull away. Sigh. :c Last night around 8:30 it still said we were together on Facebook. Today, at 11:30 am it says Single. There was no update, so he deleted it. When we took our break thing, nothing changed on there. So I'm afraid that this means something. Is he really just fooling me? He couldn't just be trying to make me a booty call: the whole deal is no sex or fooling around. And we talked for hours! He asked me what I'm doing on Saturday... when we've hung out, it's usually me that asks him. I'm pushy, so maybe that's why. But he said we'd have all day on Saturday. What do I do? I'm so confused here. And yes, I'm prepared for the "he's so immature, you can do better." Nothing here is really that much of a dealbreaker.. no one cheated or told some huge lie, etc. So I'm trying to figure this out. He seems to be too, but I can't read his mind.
flitzanu Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 maybe he genuinely wants to work on a relationship without the complications of involving sex.
Author purplepanda Posted August 22, 2013 Author Posted August 22, 2013 maybe he genuinely wants to work on a relationship without the complications of involving sex. Probably the first person to ever give a positive response to me. thank you. I think so too, but I need others' opinions... cause I can't always trust myself.
mcfcjay Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 Hes a kid and your being played. Sorry but thats just how it comes across, like you said, hes having his cake and eating it. People treat you how you allow them to treat you, put your foot down. Seems hes keeping you at arms length, you still having sex though? 1
flitzanu Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 Probably the first person to ever give a positive response to me. thank you. I think so too, but I need others' opinions... cause I can't always trust myself. well, only cuz i can relate. i had a high school relationship that started all hot n heavy, losing my virginity, etc...and as time went on things felt centered around sex and sexual interaction. i didn't want to lose the relationship to just being physical, so i asked/discussed setting that side of our relationship to the back for a year and focusing on the friendship and the deeper relationship. maybe i'm just a weird male, but if i've done it, then it must mean someone else may think of it that way too. but of course...that's MY EXAMPLE, and i could be 100% wrong about his intentions.
Author purplepanda Posted August 25, 2013 Author Posted August 25, 2013 Hes a kid and your being played. Sorry but thats just how it comes across, like you said, hes having his cake and eating it. People treat you how you allow them to treat you, put your foot down. Seems hes keeping you at arms length, you still having sex though? No, we're not. well, only cuz i can relate. i had a high school relationship that started all hot n heavy, losing my virginity, etc...and as time went on things felt centered around sex and sexual interaction. i didn't want to lose the relationship to just being physical, so i asked/discussed setting that side of our relationship to the back for a year and focusing on the friendship and the deeper relationship. maybe i'm just a weird male, but if i've done it, then it must mean someone else may think of it that way too. but of course...that's MY EXAMPLE, and i could be 100% wrong about his intentions. He seems genuine and though I am afraid that I'm on the backburner until he can't find someone else or something, there's no other reason to keep talking to me and such. He's pretty touchy-feely as usual around me but I try to smack his hands away. (Pulling me in for hugs, kissing my cheek and such. I think it's sweet.) He has handled this kinda badly in my opinion, that's why he's come off as a jerk here and there. But he's confused like me too.
flitzanu Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 well, if he doesn't want to continue the actual relationship and treat you like his girlfriend...then i say get rid of him. don't let him drag you along emotionally if he isn't even giving you attention.
Author purplepanda Posted September 3, 2013 Author Posted September 3, 2013 well, if he doesn't want to continue the actual relationship and treat you like his girlfriend...then i say get rid of him. don't let him drag you along emotionally if he isn't even giving you attention. He told me that he's got his priorities straight and that he wants to be with me, he's done running away. Because I'm not his exes. Idk how to get him to prove to me that this time is different... because there's a certain someone who's his friend but used to be mine.. she trashed me then treated me like crap. She told me he was two-faced. He told me she was. They're still friends. ._. The other night he wouldn't let me hang out with them, because she'd be there. I walked by them at McDonald's (where I work) and said "hey". I had just been talking to him and none of them said anything. Or even talked to me. Not even him. I don't know what that means. He claims he doesn't want to be in the middle of it, doesn't want to deal with drama. I've done nothing wrong. I don't know if I should still be upset with him or not. I've expressed that it really hurt me when he ignored me. I'm also his secret... "for now". He doesn't want to hear her bitch about me, he says. He didn't even say he was sorry, I don't think. He accepted a present I bought him though. I don't know what it means. I'm black and white about this, and I don't know if I should be?? I said to him, "I feel like if you really loved me and wanted to be with me, you'd tell them to **** off and not care what they say. To stand up for me or at least LOOK AT ME when I stood there making a fool of myself. You should've said something." When he said he wanted me back, his exact words were: "I'd rather be happy and hear them bitch than to be miserable and not hear anything from them." Sigh. Is it too much to deal with even if I love him?
flitzanu Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 no relationship should be secretive. i wouldn't trust that situation, honestly. if he's with you he shouldn't be trying to hide it. be on your toes. 1
Misfortune Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 Could he be trying to get free of you to have summer flings? I don't see why I would need to keep my gf a secret unless I'm hiding something. I think him ignoring you is enough proof. He obviously values their opinions/friendship over respecting you. You love him but does he feel the same about you? I don't think so.
Author purplepanda Posted September 4, 2013 Author Posted September 4, 2013 no relationship should be secretive. i wouldn't trust that situation, honestly. if he's with you he shouldn't be trying to hide it. be on your toes. Could he be trying to get free of you to have summer flings? I don't see why I would need to keep my gf a secret unless I'm hiding something. I think him ignoring you is enough proof. He obviously values their opinions/friendship over respecting you. You love him but does he feel the same about you? I don't think so. Well now he hugs me and kisses me in front of his friend!! ugh, he's confusing. I was thinking about breaking up with him.. or an ultimatum type thing. Then he does that. Ugh.
Recommended Posts