When it's over, just end it

[RonaldS]

Hey everybody.

 

Just sort of a precautionary tale to share. A lot of you find yourselves in bad places in bad relationships and stuck in a weird sort of love-limbo where you keep feeling like you need to try to make it work.

 

Now, I'm not here to tell anybody what to do, but I can share my experience and maybe somebody can glean something useful from it.

 

Many years ago, I met the most amazing and beautiful girl. We ended up together, and we just sort of fit. We were in our mid-20s, and were enjoying the carefree existence one is often afforded at that age. Our chemistry together was incredible, and I, who had never even considered being in a relationship, had found the girl of my dreams. There were definitely numerous red flags early on, but I/we were so 'in love' that they were ignored. We always figured that we could overcome anything because we loved each other so much. We always looked toward the future and the attitude was always, 'Once we get past this, we will be fine. We'll be stronger and better than ever'.

 

After a couple of years, we ended up going on a break. I'm not going to go into why, because it was such a stupid, overblown situation that it's not even worth trying to explain. But she needed 'space to figure things out' and 'to figure out if (she) could continue on' with me. So, we went on a break. Naturally, she immediately started dating some other guy. Even though I was letting her use my brand new car (while I drove her junker), she wanted nothing to do with me. I would occassionally try to call and talk to her, but she always had stuff going on and never wanted to talk. Her friend told me that she had moved on and that I needed to as well, but the problem was that she never ended it.

 

This went on for a little over a month. Finally, I was done. I snooped around and realized he was spending the night at her place. After a sleepless night, I drove over there at about 6:30 am. I still had her apartment key, she still had my car, so I thought nothing of going in. I found her curled up in bed with her guy. I gently woke her up, and when she came to, I said 'Goodbye. I'm done. I don't want this anymore'. And that was it. I was done with her. That was in July of 2001.

 

I know...cool story, bro. So what's my point?

 

Well, in exactly two weeks, we are finalizing our divorce. Through it all, we ended up working everything out, moving forward together, getting married, having kids (we have 3). Built a life together, planned our entire futures together, yada yada yada.

 

But guess what. Our relationship ended in July of 2001. That was when I left her, and I never really came back. I let things like guilt and fear of loss keep us together. Now I have 3 kids who live in another state, child support payments, constant travel back and forth to see them, and all of the feelings of failure and loss that you could expect to feel when you have three young kids who have been so hurt through this. I'm not pissing and moaning about my responsibilities....just illustrating a point.

 

I am stuck for the next 15 years...and really for the rest of my life...with having a person in my life who, lets face it, shouldn't even be there. Why? I ignored all of the obvious red flags, I tried so hard and gave everything I had to make it work, and in the end, all that happened was that a relationship sat there and rotted away on life support when it should have been taken out behind the shed and shot a long time ago. I didn't have the strength or courage to follow through with ending something I didn't want. Too 'in love' to be even remotely objective. And the collateral damage? Forget me. How about my three kids?

 

If you're finding yourself at that point where the train is leaving, just let it go. Don't try to chase it down and stop it. All you're going to end up doing is tripping over yourself and falling under the wheels and being decapitated. Just let it go. Life will move on, and there's a good chance it will end up being much better than the one you're using all of your breath trying to resuscitate.

 

And if you're on the dumped end, same thing. Just let it go. Life is short and precious. Don't squander it on lost causes. If he or she says they're done, they're done. Maybe not this minute or this week or this year, but eventually. If you do get back with them, you're probably on borrowed time. Remember that. There are very slim odds that a fairy tale ending will ensue. Just let it go and move on.

 

Don't be me.

Edited August 22, 2013 by RonaldS

[lovesucks76]

Well said man! We are often blinded by what we want and what we think we need. I wish you the best and thanks for sharing!

[Msnatural25]

All i can say is wow. I have thought of this. What if I get what I have been crying and begging for and afraid to let go of? One always chooses to believe that there will be a happy ending. But right now I have such a void.

[LoveIs]

And if you're on the dumped end, same thing. Just let it go. Life is short and precious. Don't squander it on lost causes. If he or she says they're done, they're done. Maybe not this minute or this week or this year, but eventually. If you do get back with them, you're probably on borrowed time. Remember that. There are very slim odds that a fairy tale ending will ensue. Just let it go and move on.

Don't be me.

 

I thought I could be the exception after a year and a half of no contact and so many promises that were never upheld. Deep down, I think I knew this. Borrowed time indeed.

[RonaldS]

All i can say is wow. I have thought of this. What if I get what I have been crying and begging for and afraid to let go of? One always chooses to believe that there will be a happy ending. But right now I have such a void.

 

That's the thing I've realized over time. There is rarely a happy ending. Life isn't Cinderella or Snow White or any of those other fairy tales. I think we can be very good at subjectively constructing our own realities when we either want something or fear something badly enough.

 

Look, I'm far from miserable. I have a good life, in a good place (we've been separated for 3 years), and have gotten through a TON. My head finally broke the surface of the water, and life is overall pretty good. So I hope my post did not come off as sulking.

 

The bottom line is this: how much better could my life have ended up being had I chosen differently 12, or even 14 years ago? It's a stupid question for me to ask, because I can't change the past and good things, even some great things (my kids) did come out of it. No point in me wasting any time wondering how things could be different. I made the choices I made, ipso facto I have the life that I have.

 

However....it's a great question for those of you who are where I was 12 years ago, or where my XW was 12 years ago, to ask. Instead of looking at their own situations, which they may be too close to to view realistically, just look at mine all those years ago, and ask 'What could that guy's life be like if he had just let go?'

 

As my now ex father-in-law always says, 'Nobody is totally worthless. You can always be used as a bad example'.

[Msnatural25]

No your post did not come across as sulking at all! It came across as informative and full of warning. I admire your strength and your view point. It was like a splash of cold water. I am going to have to re-read this because right now I feel like my life is over without him. I wont even begin to close the door because I feel like nothing better is out there for me. I have lost allot of weight. I am on the verge of a melt down all because of ME. NOT HIM. I am allowing myself to feel this way. Worthless. But I cant fight my feelings. But I am taking your story as motivation because he has told me NUMEROUS times that he is done. For whatever reasons. And your right. Right now im just dealing with the remnants of a relationship when I need to take this rejection as a blessing. But i dont know how

[RonaldS]

No your post did not come across as sulking at all! It came across as informative and full of warning. I admire your strength and your view point. It was like a splash of cold water. I am going to have to re-read this because right now I feel like my life is over without him. I wont even begin to close the door because I feel like nothing better is out there for me. I have lost allot of weight. I am on the verge of a melt down all because of ME. NOT HIM. I am allowing myself to feel this way. Worthless. But I cant fight my feelings. But I am taking your story as motivation because he has told me NUMEROUS times that he is done. For whatever reasons. And your right. Right now im just dealing with the remnants of a relationship when I need to take this rejection as a blessing. But i dont know how

 

There's only one medicine that actually works in this infirmary....time.

 

Time heals all wounds and reveals all truths. Of course, it's hard for you to see that now, because you're still looking at the construct for your life that you've created and he's in it. Maybe start by contriving a new construct without him in it. You'll get past where you are, and I would be wiling to bet that once you do, and once you get enough time and distance, you will probably look back and realize how wrong you were for each other. And that's no qualification of who he is as a person. It's a qualification of who you both were for each other.

 

My XW is an amazing woman. She gave me three incredible children. But we are SOOOOOOO wrong for each other that it's a miracle we lasted more than a month. Or is it? See what I mean?

 

By the way, when I see your screenname, I keep reading it as 'menstrual'.

[Msnatural25]

I smiled. That was actually funny. Time. I hate the heifer. Distance. We flipping work together. I see him all the time. I hate work because of it. I just keep thinking.."if only we could get back together I will work twice as hard and it will work". But your post highlighted that thats only wishful thinking. We would have so much to work through. How do you feel now? Do you feel as though it is easier for you now being that you have gone through all the motions before?

[Kimmie80]

I can totally relate to this as well as to Msnatural25. I have NEVER taken a break up so hard in my entire life. I have lost 20 lbs, no energy, not hungry, feel like I am going to have a break down at any given time, spent every minute of 'alone' time crying and basically disintegrating in my own self pity. He has never told me that he is done for good. He left it as we can try again someday, and that he is sure our paths will cross again. I dont know if that is his way of letting me go gently or if he is not completely closing the door. I guess time will tell. The hardest part is not knowing what he wants, what he is thinking about, does he miss me, does he think about me and will he come back. I hate feeling like this. I know I have to let go, I just don't know how

[Msnatural25]

And Kimmie, if you are anything like me. You will replay those work a millions times. Attempt to dissect every meaning. Put your life on hold assuming/hoping that "someday" will be one day soon or in the near future. Even in the next couple months. Either case its a carrot that has been dangled.

[RonaldS]

Moses Sumney Replaceable on Vimeo

[Kimmie80]

Yup. A carrot that has been dangled. It sucks Everyday I wake up, I hope that the pain will be gone. Within seconds, it hits all over again. I just want to crawl into a small hole, close my eyes, and wake up when its all over. When the grieving is all said and done.

[Knoxpwns]

Hey everybody.

 

Just sort of a precautionary tale to share. A lot of you find yourselves in bad places in bad relationships and stuck in a weird sort of love-limbo where you keep feeling like you need to try to make it work.

 

Now, I'm not here to tell anybody what to do, but I can share my experience and maybe somebody can glean something useful from it.

 

Many years ago, I met the most amazing and beautiful girl. We ended up together, and we just sort of fit. We were in our mid-20s, and were enjoying the carefree existence one is often afforded at that age. Our chemistry together was incredible, and I, who had never even considered being in a relationship, had found the girl of my dreams. There were definitely numerous red flags early on, but I/we were so 'in love' that they were ignored. We always figured that we could overcome anything because we loved each other so much. We always looked toward the future and the attitude was always, 'Once we get past this, we will be fine. We'll be stronger and better than ever'.

 

After a couple of years, we ended up going on a break. I'm not going to go into why, because it was such a stupid, overblown situation that it's not even worth trying to explain. But she needed 'space to figure things out' and 'to figure out if (she) could continue on' with me. So, we went on a break. Naturally, she immediately started dating some other guy. Even though I was letting her use my brand new car (while I drove her junker), she wanted nothing to do with me. I would occassionally try to call and talk to her, but she always had stuff going on and never wanted to talk. Her friend told me that she had moved on and that I needed to as well, but the problem was that she never ended it.

 

This went on for a little over a month. Finally, I was done. I snooped around and realized he was spending the night at her place. After a sleepless night, I drove over there at about 6:30 am. I still had her apartment key, she still had my car, so I thought nothing of going in. I found her curled up in bed with her guy. I gently woke her up, and when she came to, I said 'Goodbye. I'm done. I don't want this anymore'. And that was it. I was done with her. That was in July of 2001.

 

I know...cool story, bro. So what's my point?

 

Well, in exactly two weeks, we are finalizing our divorce. Through it all, we ended up working everything out, moving forward together, getting married, having kids (we have 3). Built a life together, planned our entire futures together, yada yada yada.

 

But guess what. Our relationship ended in July of 2001. That was when I left her, and I never really came back. I let things like guilt and fear of loss keep us together. Now I have 3 kids who live in another state, child support payments, constant travel back and forth to see them, and all of the feelings of failure and loss that you could expect to feel when you have three young kids who have been so hurt through this. I'm not pissing and moaning about my responsibilities....just illustrating a point.

 

I am stuck for the next 15 years...and really for the rest of my life...with having a person in my life who, lets face it, shouldn't even be there. Why? I ignored all of the obvious red flags, I tried so hard and gave everything I had to make it work, and in the end, all that happened was that a relationship sat there and rotted away on life support when it should have been taken out behind the shed and shot a long time ago. I didn't have the strength or courage to follow through with ending something I didn't want. Too 'in love' to be even remotely objective. And the collateral damage? Forget me. How about my three kids?

 

If you're finding yourself at that point where the train is leaving, just let it go. Don't try to chase it down and stop it. All you're going to end up doing is tripping over yourself and falling under the wheels and being decapitated. Just let it go. Life will move on, and there's a good chance it will end up being much better than the one you're using all of your breath trying to resuscitate.

 

And if you're on the dumped end, same thing. Just let it go. Life is short and precious. Don't squander it on lost causes. If he or she says they're done, they're done. Maybe not this minute or this week or this year, but eventually. If you do get back with them, you're probably on borrowed time. Remember that. There are very slim odds that a fairy tale ending will ensue. Just let it go and move on.

 

Don't be me.

 

My heart goes out to you, sir.

 

I feel your pain coursing through me (albeit not as strong), because you are the man I almost became.

 

She gave up, but I couldn't let go. I loved her too much, and ignored every issue that hypothetically punched me square in the gut, pissed on my face, then **** in my boots.

 

I was unhappy, and so was she. But I was so blinded by the simple idea of my love for her, that I was ready to cart her convoy of dumptrucks loaded with emotional baggage and let them unload in my backyard.

 

 

Where do your and my story part? When she finally found a guy who wanted nothing more than to (what he thought was hurting me) take all that baggage and put it in his own backyard.

 

I didn't get married, I never have kids...

 

PLEASE LET ME ADD, AND IF YOU READ ANYTHING, IT'S THIS....

 

My parents were divorced when I was 4 years old. I spent some small time blaming myself, even though it was never even close to my fault. my parents just weren't compatible.

 

The reason I am saying this is because I grew up a state away from my dad. I only got to see him every other weekend, a long ass drive meeting each other halfway and him taking my brother and I for the weekend.

 

And in all this, I LOVE MY DAD A TON. I have the greatest ****ing dad ever, he would do literally anything for me.

 

Could he always be there for me? No. Sadly, that's the way the world turns. But he never left my life, he always gave me everything he could, and even though I didn't get to see him much, I can say he was the best dad I could ever ask for.

 

Is it sad growing up with split parents? Yeah, it is. But you can still be a huge part of there life, and wanted to be the living proof that even in all this "collateral damage", they can still have a dad they love more than anything.

 

(perhaps you are a ballin' dad and already know this, but you clearly care a lot about them, and it's obvious that you were hurt but you know they are your greatest priority.)

[NoLeafClover]

Problem is YOU took a cheater back.

 

I never understood how people take their ex's back knowing they are screwing someone else. Whether that is a rebound or not why would you want to go back to anyone like that?

 

Some of us have a hard time letting go because our ex's did not cheat on us and perhaps WE (dumpee's ) were the reason why they wanted out and we want to fix our problem and the relationship. There are cases that they need time, they are confused, under stress and who knows.

 

In my situation if the thought of my ex screwing someone else even crossed my mind while 'on a break' I would have moved on with the flip of a switch.

 

It's true , dumpees need to move on and not drag things along but it's hard to do so when there hasn't even been any cheating.

[RonaldS]

My heart goes out to you, sir.

 

I feel your pain coursing through me (albeit not as strong), because you are the man I almost became.

 

She gave up, but I couldn't let go. I loved her too much, and ignored every issue that hypothetically punched me square in the gut, pissed on my face, then **** in my boots.

 

I was unhappy, and so was she. But I was so blinded by the simple idea of my love for her, that I was ready to cart her convoy of dumptrucks loaded with emotional baggage and let them unload in my backyard.

 

 

Where do your and my story part? When she finally found a guy who wanted nothing more than to (what he thought was hurting me) take all that baggage and put it in his own backyard.

 

I didn't get married, I never have kids...

 

PLEASE LET ME ADD, AND IF YOU READ ANYTHING, IT'S THIS....

 

My parents were divorced when I was 4 years old. I spent some small time blaming myself, even though it was never even close to my fault. my parents just weren't compatible.

 

The reason I am saying this is because I grew up a state away from my dad. I only got to see him every other weekend, a long ass drive meeting each other halfway and him taking my brother and I for the weekend.

 

And in all this, I LOVE MY DAD A TON. I have the greatest ****ing dad ever, he would do literally anything for me.

 

Could he always be there for me? No. Sadly, that's the way the world turns. But he never left my life, he always gave me everything he could, and even though I didn't get to see him much, I can say he was the best dad I could ever ask for.

 

Is it sad growing up with split parents? Yeah, it is. But you can still be a huge part of there life, and wanted to be the living proof that even in all this "collateral damage", they can still have a dad they love more than anything.

 

(perhaps you are a ballin' dad and already know this, but you clearly care a lot about them, and it's obvious that you were hurt but you know they are your greatest priority.)

 

Thanks, man. I appreciate your story, especially about your father. That means a lot to me.

 

I do as much as I can do to be in their lives. Often I do more than I can do, and suffer financially at times because of it. But to me, thats a small price to pay. And with some professional changes pending, starting next year I will have the kids for the summers in addition to breaks, holidays, etc.

 

As it is, I see them every other weekend, and I talk to or FaceTime with them every day. Its hard for me, because seeing them typically involves me traveling to where they live and staying with them and my ex (yikes). We get along, we do the best we can do, and the kids know we love them. I actually just had them for about 5 days, and we went crazy here in the city as well as took a camping trip that involved a couple of days at the beach on Lake Michigan. I think they know that I will always be around for them. We have great relationships, I think (they're young...7, 5 and 3). So it means a TON to hear your sentiments toward your dad.

 

As hard as it is, I try not to live with regrets, but that's inevitable. I do find myself at times regretting not sticking with ending the relationship when I was done with it.....partly for me, but in large part, for my kids. But if they can come out of this having good lives, then that will do a lot to marginalize that regret.

[RonaldS]

Problem is YOU took a cheater back.

 

I never understood how people take their ex's back knowing they are screwing someone else. Whether that is a rebound or not why would you want to go back to anyone like that?

 

Some of us have a hard time letting go because our ex's did not cheat on us and perhaps WE (dumpee's ) were the reason why they wanted out and we want to fix our problem and the relationship. There are cases that they need time, they are confused, under stress and who knows.

 

In my situation if the thought of my ex screwing someone else even crossed my mind while 'on a break' I would have moved on with the flip of a switch.

 

It's true , dumpees need to move on and not drag things along but it's hard to do so when there hasn't even been any cheating.

 

Its hard to figure out how it actually all went down. I don't think she ever had sex with him. Dropping panties was my specialty back then, and I had to work hard for 2 months with her. So, its unlikely that she actually slept with him. She's a prude that way.

 

Was she intimate with him? Probably, and that's why I was done. My problem is that I am WAY too forgiving, and when i saw her reaction to me ending it, I couldn't just walk away from her. I've never seen somebody in so much pain. I held out for as long as I could, but I loved her and thought she was the one I wanted to be with, so I got back together with her. it was rough at first, but it got better and better.....other than the fact that I had one foot out the door the whole time.

 

Anyway, live and learn.

[Knoxpwns]

Thanks, man. I appreciate your story, especially about your father. That means a lot to me.

 

I do as much as I can do to be in their lives. Often I do more than I can do, and suffer financially at times because of it. But to me, thats a small price to pay. And with some professional changes pending, starting next year I will have the kids for the summers in addition to breaks, holidays, etc.

 

As it is, I see them every other weekend, and I talk to or FaceTime with them every day. Its hard for me, because seeing them typically involves me traveling to where they live and staying with them and my ex (yikes). We get along, we do the best we can do, and the kids know we love them. I actually just had them for about 5 days, and we went crazy here in the city as well as took a camping trip that involved a couple of days at the beach on Lake Michigan. I think they know that I will always be around for them. We have great relationships, I think (they're young...7, 5 and 3). So it means a TON to hear your sentiments toward your dad.

 

As hard as it is, I try not to live with regrets, but that's inevitable. I do find myself at times regretting not sticking with ending the relationship when I was done with it.....partly for me, but in large part, for my kids. But if they can come out of this having good lives, then that will do a lot to marginalize that regret.

 

The part I bolded, to me, is the most important.

 

While my parents were divorced, they almost still acted like friends. They were very cordial, laughed and joked with each other, and it was obvious there was still *something* there to me and my brother.

 

My dad still loves my mom a lot. As I became an adult, he tells me to this very day that he will never take another woman, because the one that was meant for him, he lost. I know this probably isn't the same story for you (their divorce was more of a fizzle out, than anything. There wasn't other guys or a "break" involved.) But the fact that they were still friendly to each other effected my brother and I a lot. We picked up on it, even as little kids.

 

The love I hold for my dad is equal in part to that of my mom. Both of my parents are the best parents I could have, and while it made me sad to not have both in my life 100% of the time, I wouldn't have had it any other way.

 

Just because you are divorced, doesn't mean you can't offer your kids a happy family.

Edited August 22, 2013 by Knoxpwns

[reddragon588]

This thread is very inspiring. I know all these things to be true. Now I just need to fix the cognitive gap between what my head knows and my heart yearns for!

[NoLeafClover]

Its hard to figure out how it actually all went down. I don't think she ever had sex with him. Dropping panties was my specialty back then, and I had to work hard for 2 months with her. So, its unlikely that she actually slept with him. She's a prude that way.

 

Was she intimate with him? Probably, and that's why I was done. My problem is that I am WAY too forgiving, and when i saw her reaction to me ending it, I couldn't just walk away from her. I've never seen somebody in so much pain. I held out for as long as I could, but I loved her and thought she was the one I wanted to be with, so I got back together with her. it was rough at first, but it got better and better.....other than the fact that I had one foot out the door the whole time.

 

Anyway, live and learn.

 

You said

 

"she immediately started dating some other guy. Even though I was letting her use my brand new car (while I drove her junker), she wanted nothing to do with me. I would occassionally try to call and talk to her, but she always had stuff going on and never wanted to talk. Her friend told me that she had moved on and that I needed to as well, but the problem was that she never ended it.

 

This went on for a little over a month. Finally, I was done. I snooped around and realized he was spending the night at her place. After a sleepless night, I drove over there at about 6:30 am. I still had her apartment key, she still had my car, so I thought nothing of going in. I found her curled up in bed with her guy."

 

 

I guess he was spending the night at her house just to cuddle.

[Msnatural25]

NoLeafClover

 

Love affects people differently. What is a deal breaker for you may not be a deal breaker for someone else. I have a feeling that my ex was with someone else. I don't have proof. But regardless it doesn't change my feelings for him. And I understand men handle cheating a bit different than us women. But when men take a woman back after that, that means the he really "loves" her. But he loses a little bit of something afterwards.

[Saber_Tooth]

Thanks for writing this RonaldS. And thank you, universe, for LoveShack and the wonderful, thoughful people who are here. This post is exactly what I, and many of us lurking on LS, need to read. We think we want them back. We think they are the only one. We think we've messed up something wonderful, or let something wonderful get away, or maybe even think we didn't do anything wrong and just don't understand. But truly getting them back -- here you are, coming from our future, telling us what it would probably look like if our biggest dream came true.

 

I got my first breadcrumb today. Didn't think I was going to get them, so the timing of your post is miraculous. Thank you, again.

[RonaldS]

You said

 

"she immediately started dating some other guy. Even though I was letting her use my brand new car (while I drove her junker), she wanted nothing to do with me. I would occassionally try to call and talk to her, but she always had stuff going on and never wanted to talk. Her friend told me that she had moved on and that I needed to as well, but the problem was that she never ended it.

 

This went on for a little over a month. Finally, I was done. I snooped around and realized he was spending the night at her place. After a sleepless night, I drove over there at about 6:30 am. I still had her apartment key, she still had my car, so I thought nothing of going in. I found her curled up in bed with her guy."

 

 

I guess he was spending the night at her house just to cuddle.

Do know how many nights I spent at her house cuddling with her before I got her clothes off. Far more than the new guy did. Some girls...they just don't put out without a lot of time and effort going into it. She's one of them. I'm not saying there wasn't intimacy between them. I'm saying she didn't screw him.

 

As an aside, that moment where I woke her (and subsequently him) up was actually pretty entertaining. When I say all hell broke loose, I mean all hell broke loose. I don't even know what the dude did. One second he was in bed snoozing, the next second he was gone. It was almost like he was a ghost.

 

Anyway, I don't think she ever talked to him again after that. Maybe that day, but I know she didn't talk to him or see him after we got back together. She went into a full emotional meltdown that day. It was bad....it was really, really bad. She had a total breakdown.

 

So stupid of me to get back together with her. But, ya know, I loved her. Young and dumb.

[RonaldS]

I smiled. That was actually funny. Time. I hate the heifer. Distance. We flipping work together. I see him all the time. I hate work because of it. I just keep thinking.."if only we could get back together I will work twice as hard and it will work". But your post highlighted that thats only wishful thinking. We would have so much to work through. How do you feel now? Do you feel as though it is easier for you now being that you have gone through all the motions before?

 

Sorry, forgot to reply to this earlier.

 

I feel pretty good now. It's been a long time since we separated, and there were a lot of games played (she did the 180 right away, which basically killed any chance to work it out, because the message that sent was that she didn't care about our relationship), a lot of miscommunication, never really on the same page. This went on for over 2 years.

 

Finally, the decision was made to end it. At that point, I decided to make one last push to save the marriage, and I left it all out on the field, as they say in sports. Totally opened up to her and made myself vulnerable and went through this whole process that was just pure hell for me. I had to. If it was over, I was ok with that, but I didn't want it to end simply because I didn't try. But through that process, I realized that I could never share a life with her again, and didn't want to share a life with her, and I got through it.

 

Now...I mean, I'm pretty happy, given the normal vicissitudes and stresses of adult life in the modern world. I'm 39, now divorced with 3 kids, and I thought there wouldn't be much romantic interest in me from women, but wow....it's been the furthest thing from the truth. I'm a young 39, I'm in good shape, outgoing, etc etc. There have been countless opportunities. For the most part, I'm a good boy and don't mess around too much. I don't have any interest with another relationship, and I'm honest about that with women. For me, I guess it's just nice to know that I can get them if I want them. For instance, I tried Tinder. Just started it last week. At last count, I had been connected with over 65 women. I really don't talk to any of them....just happy that I could if I wanted to.

 

As far as the rest of my life, that's where it gets good. I have a lot of freedom, and I get to do a lot of things that I love doing.

 

I too, at one point, felt as though I couldn't live without her (even though I initiated the end of our relationship). But then you get out there, catch your breath, find your old self again and then just roll with it. It gets better every day.

[Soat]

Damn well said. Something for the many many people on this site pining over ex s who had tons of red flags!

[reddragon588]

This thread is very inspiring. I know all these things to be true. Now I just need to fix the cognitive gap between what my head knows and my heart yearns for!

 

This thread helped inspire me to finally take the final plunge and delete my ex from all social media. Thank you, OP.