averis Posted November 10, 2004 Posted November 10, 2004 Well for everyone that thinks that no contact doesnt work, IT DOES! If anyone has read my posts (I wont bore you again) you know that like so many on this site i was left in complete limbo, couldnt eat, couldnt sleep, short of breath, wanted to die etc etc, i rang, begged, wrote letters, rec songs, but she didnt wanna know, she was with someone else after 2 weeks. I sent her 1 last email about 3 weeks ago and she phoned me telling me not to and leave her alone. So i took everyones advice on this site and realised i was only pushing her away even further, so i initiated NC. I really didnt try although it was hard I just left her. My new attitude was, right buddy she doesnt want you, shes with someone else, she doesnt think, care, or even love you anymore, and the more i pine for her it isnt going to make the slightest bit of difference, she aint coming back shes moved on so you gotta forget about her, stop beating yourself up for no reason, and move on yourself! Well i adopted that attitude and started to feel better about myself, so i get in from work last nite, and i was up stairs when the door went, now for the last couple of months ive hoped eveytime the phone rings,or the door went it would be her,well last nite it didnt even cross my mind i just automatically presumed it was one of the boys coming back from uni. Opened the door and who should be standing there but my ex!!! First thing FRIGHT! I just started to shake, but then thought play it cool (like the site said) so i asked her wat she wanted and she said she brought my driving licence?!?!? so i said thanks asked her how she was and shut the door on her. I thought that was a bit nasty so i invited her in for a coffee, she brought her child with her (to play mind games) but i didnt let it phase me. So in she comes and i acted really cool, played with her daughter and chased her like we used to, and the daughter was saying i miss you, and she wanted to stay, so we started chatting about us and her new partner, she told me shes only with him to get over me, and shes confused, etc etc, i asked her why she really came as she could of posted the licence, and she said she wanted to check i was alright( Fair enough) So she proceeds to tell me how there not sleeping together etc, and basically drops a million hints about me, but i just acted cool, so she goes and i see her out to the car, get in and say to her, look i know it doesnt make any diff to us but wen we split i changed to wat you wanted me too, spose to get you back, but realised you wernt coming back, so ive kept it up ready to be an amazing boyf to my next missus, and how she wasnt coming back and had to accept and move on which im doing, saying that basically everythings going amazingly well, and im happy! Then i said the killer, i said I never thought i could survive without you but i can!!! So she says i like him and i say great, all i want is for you to be happy, she says will you be alright when i go and i laughed and said i'll be fine im great, she says i know you to well u aint 100% i say yea but im getting there! we say goodbye then she goes! So i did it i saw the ex and wern't that botherd, she came to me coz obviously i didnt bother and she didnt like it, the attitude i got now is great ive got my closure, she got hers, maybe she came up coz she missed me or maybe she came up to check i was alright, i think she came up to see i was alright, and thats fine ive still got the attitude shes with someone else and ive gotta move on, ive no choice and thats what im doing!!! But let me tell you that it does open old wounds, initiate no contact and stick to it, u have to be strong or youre back to square 1 i hoped shed come up, and now she has i hope she doesnt again. So did i do the right thing showing her i wasnt botherd, moving on, lost half a stone, and feel great. My new kitchen and decorating and basically showing her im doing well, Comments appreciated, i spose i just wanted to vent this out, but leave them get on witth your life, hope they dont contact coz it is for the best. I just hope i handled it correct, Cheers Guys, Averis.
bluechocolate Posted November 10, 2004 Posted November 10, 2004 You did great & it sounds to me like you'll be fine. There seem to be quite a few men on here at the moment going through something very similar with their partners. I hope they read this & are inspired. So she says i like him and i say great, all i want is for you to be happy, she says will you be alright when i go and i laughed and said i'll be fine im great, she says i know you to well u aint 100% i say yea but im getting there! we say goodbye then she goes! we started chatting about us and her new partner, she told me shes only with him to get over me, and shes confused, etc etc, i asked her why she really came as she could of posted the licence, and she said she wanted to check i was alright Put yourself in her new mans place for a moment. How would you feel knowing that you g/friend is going to her ex & telling him stuff like this? Not very good I'd imagine. It sounds to me like she is still trying to manipulate you & keep you in her clutches. Her concern for your well-being, whilst touching, is misplaced. She's with someone else now & that is where most of her concern should be - with him. Not having deep & meaningfuls with her ex. Some people become addicted to the attention & you may find that she's back more frequently now that she realises you're moving on without her & doing fine - so keep your guard up & don't let her bring her relationship problems to you any more.
Author averis Posted November 12, 2004 Author Posted November 12, 2004 Well its been a couple of days since i posted the last thread, and i just posted now to let everyone know about a little prob i encounterd and to warn others, Since i seen her a couple of days ago, (she come over) unexpected, ive realised that if you are on no contact and you think it'll be cool to see the ex make sure you r over her a 100%, because when she came over and i played it all cool, and she starts telling me im using new boyf to get over you etc, i think that everyone subconciously thinks that this is there way of coming back, well its not!!! Im pretty sure i was doing really well i accepted that was that and started to move on! Then i see her and like i said above it really does open old wounds, since ive seen her i thought yea she does wanna get back with me, yea shes missing me, but she doesnt, I spose all im trying to say here is dont speak to your exs till your over them bcoz it really sends you back to square 1, back to thinking of them, wondering y she came up? will she again? does she wanna make a go of things, blah blah blah! its unwanted stress when youre on the way to recovery wait until you dont give a **** about them then see them all you want coz it wont **** your head up! Averis
head/heels Posted November 14, 2004 Posted November 14, 2004 man....dont look back and dont settle for less this time! keep on keeping on and if she does this **** again tell her you dont have time and would like her to leave unless she came over for a reason and to state that reason asap! dont mess with her bs.. stay strong!
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