Maleficent Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 You are free to call me whatever you think works for you, that doesn't change the situation or what happened, I lived with this friend for 2 to 3 months and that's how we got so comfortable. I have told her that we cannot be friends any longer if we maintain such behaviour. I don't think any of this sounds like I am taking this simply, if not I doubt I would be in the sate I am in. I made a mistake, maintained a level of friendship which I should not have, it has cost me a whole lot and as a result I have given up a 12yr friendship, if you consider that simple then that is fine, i guess you have never made a mistake before ouch. I'm sorry dude... 1
Auguria Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 You are free to call me whatever you think works for you, that doesn't change the situation or what happened, I lived with this friend for 2 to 3 months and that's how we got so comfortable. I have told her that we cannot be friends any longer if we maintain such behaviour. I don't think any of this sounds like I am taking this simply, if not I doubt I would be in the sate I am in. I made a mistake, maintained a level of friendship which I should not have, it has cost me a whole lot and as a result I have given up a 12yr friendship, if you consider that simple then that is fine, i guess you have never made a mistake before Beres, I'm not rejoicing in what happened to you. It's fairly sad, and it seems that you understand now the extent to which your behavior with this female friend was inappropriate and highly insulting to your girlfriend. I guess, it surprised me how clueless one needed to be to find actions such as yours to be so inconsequential or innocent. I don't know how young you are but dude really it blows my mind... Also, I am not some elderly lady trying to lecture you, I'm just 22, and I really tried to understand what kind of dynamic you had with that friend. I think it's actually a good idea that you stopped contact with this girl as it doesn't sound like it's much of a friendship... Also, to respond to the highlighted: No, never a mistake of this kind. I have clear, fully platonic boundaries with my male friends. I do not sext with them when I am single but especially not when I am in a relationship. 1
It-is-what-it-is. Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 You are free to call me whatever you think works for you, that doesn't change the situation or what happened, I lived with this friend for 2 to 3 months and that's how we got so comfortable. I have told her that we cannot be friends any longer if we maintain such behaviour. I don't think any of this sounds like I am taking this simply, if not I doubt I would be in the sate I am in. I made a mistake, maintained a level of friendship which I should not have, it has cost me a whole lot and as a result I have given up a 12yr friendship, if you consider that simple then that is fine, i guess you have never made a mistake before I felt bad for you...right up to here^^not that I still don't feel bad, I just want to have you REALLY really really learn..and learn the correct thing. You cannot maintain sexual, flirty, suggestive, in person, by text, by Skype, by snail ail, by smoke signal, photo, video, sign language with other people when you are in a committed relationship. To do so is being unfaithful. People assume this is understood when someone becomes exclusive. If you had not crossed the line you and Booty friend could still keep in touch. When you have bad boundaries, the consequence is that you destroy relationships. You and your girlfriend, you and your booty friend whatever. This is not poor Beres here. Actions meet consequences. This is the kind of stuff your XGF would need to trust, that you know and understand and have rock solid, unapologetic boundaries. Go get them
RogerWallace111 Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 Dat ass had gotten bigger..... Sorry. I'm with the last two posters. Not pleased that this has happened to you, but also not even beginning to understand how you'd think that sh*t was "cool", or how you'd be at all surprised by your girlfriends reaction to finding out. Lots of otherwise amazing people have cheated, etc- not reprimanding you. People do this sort of thing and it doesn't make you a bad person per se, it's just surprising that you didn't fully know, all along, that it was more or less being unfaithful. I too am curious, how old are you & what country do you live in ??
RogerWallace111 Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 And yeah, painting this picture of "I guess I just shouldn't have maintained this friendship, how was I to know?" is ridiculous. It's more like "Obviously I shouldn't be sexting/flirting with other chicks while I'm in a relationship." Like someone pointed out, this "friend" is not simply a friend. Just cause you haven't f*cked doesn't mean the relationship is platonic.
Author beres Posted August 22, 2013 Author Posted August 22, 2013 I know I have messed up, being single for 6yrs or so gave me a different perspective to relationships, and silly me I didn't drop all of it when I started dating. I guess I need to figure out how to carry on from here. I live in the UK, not sure what different my age will make but I know I have acted irresponsibly
Auguria Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 I know I have messed up, being single for 6yrs or so gave me a different perspective to relationships, and silly me I didn't drop all of it when I started dating. I guess I need to figure out how to carry on from here. I live in the UK, not sure what different my age will make but I know I have acted irresponsibly Your age would allow us to determine if there's still hope for you. Now pick yourself up, understand and progress.
Author beres Posted August 22, 2013 Author Posted August 22, 2013 She has a great head on her shoulders
Auguria Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 (edited) :DHa, a bit different but when I was 16 and by no means a hottie I was working at a supermarket and became friends with my 30yr old shift manager. Our exchanges were always completely innocent but I once dared to make the mistake of saying something like I f**king love you man! in a text in reposne to something he'd said about work. His gf saw it, went into a rage and he later asked me to clear things up with her via text. I did... if his girlfriend didn't fly down to the store the next day and tell me -- a child for all intents and purposes -- to "stay the f**k away from her man"... lol no. Now in this scenario not a single word of flirtation was ever exchanged. Hell, I was underaged anyway. Imagine if I'd sent him pics of 'ass comparison' shots. That lady probably would've killed me and stuffed my body in the frozen foods section without a second thought... Hearing from this "friend" would do no good. She doesn't even have "right" on her side or the ability to cite the innocent nature of their friendship. Nothing about their sexually explicit texts and pictures exchanged is excusable or could be twisted in a way so as to be put in a better light. It's totally inappropriate, this "friend" is a tramp and the GF has a good head on her shoulders. :lmao: I do, indeed, salute the girlfriend's immediate stance. Which makes me think that it is perhaps the fact that she so clearly made it know to the OP that his actions were absolutely unjustifiable, that Beres is now understanding the consequences and went as far as to discard this long-time "friend" of his I can't help but wonder - and that's pure speculation on my part- if his ex-girlfriend had accepted it or quietly asked him to stop this friendship, would he had been so remorseful or would he had tried to still keep contact with the female friend ... " because I have known her for 12 years and nothing has ever happened". My point being that OP doesn't seem to have a lot of common sense or social aptitude to figure things out by himself and that he understood, or at least seems to have, the repercussions of his actions simply because of the categorical behavior of his ex. In other words, his girlfriend leaving him might be a blessing for the OP since he has now learned the meaning of a truly important and quite well-known term of the English language and loving relationships: commitment. Congrats! Edited August 22, 2013 by Auguria
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