Msnatural25 Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 Sigh. Deep sigh. My ex and I broke up almost a year ago and its as though I grief this every day. We still maintain contact and we have continued to be intimate which I know convolutes it even more. But the "major" issue is that we work together. We were together for 2 years before we broke up and friends before that. Now its as though I cant function. I take no joy in anything that I day. Its like life for me is at a stand still. I have never felt this much pain and rejection in my life. The break up I would have to say was just not his fault. I will take the blame because of how I think and react to things. But right now I dont know how to move past it. I dont want to enjoy anything unless it is with him. Is something wrong with me?
Philosoraptor Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 So you're still in pain a year later, but sleeping with him and he seems intertwined in your daily life? That's your issue right there. If you have feelings for him greater than friendship, then you will suffer holding yourself to only friendship. If you want to move past it you need to take care of yourself and cut contact with him as much as possible. Right now you are choosing to pour salt into a wound rather than giving it any chance to heal.
Author Msnatural25 Posted August 22, 2013 Author Posted August 22, 2013 How do i cut contact? I have tried. And i have to see him everyday. I want peace i really do. I dont like to feel tormented and in pain. Ive lost weight. I dont sleep. Ive tried counseling. Ive tried not talking to him. And all the things that I enjoy doing I dont enjoy anymore. Its like if hes not in my life i see everything in black and white and not in color. Its disgusting. I have stopped the intimacy because that was just bad. Now I would like to stop the emotional.
kiss_andmakeup Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 How do i cut contact? I have tried. And i have to see him everyday. I want peace i really do. I dont like to feel tormented and in pain. Ive lost weight. I dont sleep. Ive tried counseling. Ive tried not talking to him. And all the things that I enjoy doing I dont enjoy anymore. Its like if hes not in my life i see everything in black and white and not in color. Its disgusting. I have stopped the intimacy because that was just bad. Now I would like to stop the emotional. Being that you work together, I think an honest, candid conversation with him would be the best route for you to take. Something like "Look, I care for you, as a friend and even as more. But being close with you is preventing me from moving on to the next chapter of my life. For my own emotional and mental health, I need to put an end to this. Please respect my boundaries and contact me only for work-related matters." From then on, I don't see any reason why you'd need to give more than a polite nod or smile when you pass him at work. Is switching jobs an option? Or perhaps a transfer to a different department? I'd honestly consider it if I were in your shoes. I went through a bad breakup at the end of last year, and I was absolutely miserable. Sad, depressed, and heartbroken to a point of physical and severe emotional pain. The only way I got through it was by cutting him out of my life 100% from day one - told him not to contact me, deleted his phone number and e-mail address, and avoided all the places I knew he hung out in. Funnily enough we are now back together and engaged, but that's really besides the point. The point is that I know what it's like to be so heartbroken - and I know that miserable, bleak, "colorless" feeling you describe all to well. You need to get this person out of your life if you want to ever move past this.
Author Msnatural25 Posted August 22, 2013 Author Posted August 22, 2013 I wish I had your strength of going cold turkey. Congrats on your engagement btw. Seeing him in the hallway just makes me ill. We don't have much contact. We try to avoid each other at all costs. But just seeing him everyday winds me. I contemplated leaving but I was just offered a promotion and I need the extra money. But I am still looking for something else because I am not as productive as i was before the break up. Like who else but me has to experience a bad break up, still have immense feelings for, and works with the ex? Classic my life
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