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Anniversay Today!!

ComingInHot

By ComingInHot
in Infidelity

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ComingInHot Established Member

ComingInHot

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Today we celebrate our 15 years of M!!

It is the First Anniversary in 3 years that I am excited about and not throwing up because of his adultery.

Today IS a celebration*

 

When I think back during the time he was cheating, there were no indicators on August 22nd that he wasn't right where he wanted to be. He always shut off his phone for those few days...

 

What I learned was, my H couldn't handle the guilt of what he was doing, she called every few minutes, he didn't want to have to deal, then after three or four days when the anniversary celebration waned, he'd get in touch w/her and tell her he had a busy "family" weekend. This went on through 2 Anniversaries. The second, he was Him telling her they would just be "good friends"...

 

I feel like for 4 anniversaries (or 5) my M was not worth counting.

 

So even though today the Anniversary years number 15, I am only celebrating 11 years.

 

Do any of you count anniversaries this way??

 

Note: This morning was the best Anniversary morning, Ever!! :)

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wanting more Established Member

wanting more

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I just want to say I'm very happy for you. You are one of my favorite people that I don't know ;-)

 

Happy 11th anniversary!!!!

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ComingInHot Established Member

ComingInHot

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Wanting More, THANK YOU!! It just so happens I feel the same about You*

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waterwoman Established Member

waterwoman

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Happy anniversary CIH!!

 

Last year was 20 years. We had planned a big party but i didnt have the heart just 4 months after dday. Then we were going to do it this summer but h lost his job so no money. Maybe at 25 years.

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Betrayed&Stayed Established Member

Betrayed&Stayed

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I feel like for 4 anniversaries (or 5) my M was not worth counting.

 

So even though today the Anniversary years number 15, I am only celebrating 11 years.

 

Do any of you count anniversaries this way??

 

I stopped counting anniversaries years ago. If anyone asks me how long we've been married, I either say "about", or I have to do the math in my head.

 

Our 16th anniversary is next month (yes, it took me a minute to do the math), and we won't celebrate it. After D-day we tried different ways to celebrate our anniversary. The first post D-day anniversary we went to an outdoor concert with the family. It was very low key and went so-so. The next one was a simple lunch date. That was better but I still didn't feel comfortable about it. I eventually accepted that I can't enjoy that date. It's too painful. Immediately after D-day I had my wife take down all of our wedding pictures. They have been stowed away in a closet ever since. I've even removed the date from the inside of my ring.

 

This past year we started using another date as our anniversary. This new date has significant meaning to our reconciliation. It is a date of resurrection.

 

In my mind and heart the marriage that began almost 16 years ago is long dead. I grieved it as it was a real death, because it was. We are on our "second" marriage. We are on year number 5 of our second marriage.

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Spotme Established Member

Spotme

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I stopped counting anniversaries years ago. If anyone asks me how long we've been married, I either say "about", or I have to do the math in my head.

 

Our 16th anniversary is next month (yes, it took me a minute to do the math), and we won't celebrate it. After D-day we tried different ways to celebrate our anniversary. The first post D-day anniversary we went to an outdoor concert with the family. It was very low key and went so-so. The next one was a simple lunch date. That was better but I still didn't feel comfortable about it. I eventually accepted that I can't enjoy that date. It's too painful. Immediately after D-day I had my wife take down all of our wedding pictures. They have been stowed away in a closet ever since. I've even removed the date from the inside of my ring.

 

This past year we started using another date as our anniversary. This new date has significant meaning to our reconciliation. It is a date of resurrection.

 

In my mind and heart the marriage that began almost 16 years ago is long dead. I grieved it as it was a real death, because it was. We are on our "second" marriage. We are on year number 5 of our second marriage.

 

My numbers are different but the sentiment is exactly how I feel.

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underwater2010 Established Member

underwater2010

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Congrats on making 15 yrs even through an affair.

 

I still don't get excited about that date and I don't wear my ring. Maybe we will celebrate the date that he slips a new ring on my finger.

 

Glad your morning was great!!!

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ComingInHot Established Member

ComingInHot

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Betrayed&stayed, I completely understand. But... Happy 5th!! Anniversary.

 

Amazing how some of us that decided to stay and R, REALLY have had to change our thinkin about the day we said "I Do"...

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BetrayedH Established Member

BetrayedH

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Last anniversary was our 12th. The date fell between our mediation/settlement agreement and our divorce being finalized. We didn't celebrate.

 

;)

 

Glad you're celebrating yours, CIH. Congrats.

 

By the way, we're all awaiting details on why your morning was so great. ;)

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Sarabi Established Member

Sarabi

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Congratulations and happy anniversary :o!!!

I hope you'll be updating us on how you're celebrating many many more in the years to come

Have a lovely day, enjoy! :)

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ComingInHot Established Member

ComingInHot

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:o:o I would get banned should the details of my anniversary morning be given!!

 

Okay, so off topic but related. For any of you who helped me on my thread of "my friend told me she's cheating", I got the first contact from her an 30 minutes ago.

 

It was a text and read;

"It's official, I'm now MS. _____________"!

 

My reply back was "screw you" NAH JUST KIDDING!

I wrote back, "congratulations!! When can I meet your new man?"

 

Go figure, her D finalized on My Anniversary!!

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ComingInHot Established Member

ComingInHot

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StrongerNow, Many of here understand. For me the first few Anniversaries were simply monster Trigger days.

To My H, they represented the grace in my heart and another year to call me His own. He was grateful while I was a wreck.

But I tried to show him on these days that however hurt and "triggery" I was, that I am Still here with him IN the M and appreciative of his efforts to R.

It's So hard!

Then an Anniversary comes along (for me at least) like today and I am filled with joy and thanksgiving that we are here, together, celebrating our M and love*

 

Can you tell I'm a little "over the moon" positive today??!?!

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BetrayedH Established Member

BetrayedH

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:o:o I would get banned should the details of my anniversary morning be given!!

 

Okay, so off topic but related. For any of you who helped me on my thread of "my friend told me she's cheating", I got the first contact from her an 30 minutes ago.

 

It was a text and read;

"It's official, I'm now MS. _____________"!

 

My reply back was "screw you" NAH JUST KIDDING!

I wrote back, "congratulations!! When can I meet your new man?"

 

Go figure, her D finalized on My Anniversary!!

 

As I recall, her H was a jerk but she was the one cheating and you got her to confess. I wondered if you might take up a job as a hostage negotiator or something after that. Better that they divorced than keep up a facade marriage, I suppose. Not sure how I would have responded to her text. Probably best that you left the, screw you, as a mental thought. I remember her being pretty foggy.

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HopingAgain Established Member

HopingAgain

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Happy Anniversary, CIH! That is wonderful to hear and you deserve to enjoy every moment! :)

 

To answer your question, this will be our first anniversary since Dday. Its coming up this fall and I'm really nervous about it. My WHs affair was very short term and didn't continue through our anniversary which I am relieved about. But since it happened less than a year ago I'm still reluctant to celebrate. My H is excited about it and wants to go on a trip to the place where we got married but I am less than enthused. I hope in a few months I will actually be happy again to celebrate.

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ComingInHot Established Member

ComingInHot

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Hoping again, you would be hard pressed to find Anyone who would disagree with how you're feeling. I certainly don't*

 

It's So Soon to think past getting through each day I think, leg alone looking "forward" excitedly to celebrate the day you both took an oath to never betray one another, after he Did!

Through the 2nd anniversary I didn't even know if I was willing to R. Heck, he wasn't even back in the house yet*

 

But he drove 12 hours to take me out to dinner...

 

Maybe for now, let your H do all the planning for your anniversary. Allow him this opportunity to Show you he is With You. (which hopefully he's doing daily*).

Just get through today and when your anniversary comes, acknowledge his efforts and juat by showing up, he'll know you are trying.

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ComingInHot Established Member

ComingInHot

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betrayedH wrote, " As I recall, her H was a jerk but she was the one cheating and you got her to confess. I wondered if you might take up a job as a hostage negotiator or something after that. Better that they divorced than keep up a facade marriage, I suppose. Not sure how I would have responded to her text. Probably best that you left the, screw you, as a mental thought. I remember her being pretty foggy."

 

BetrayedH,

I totally wasn't even thinking "screw you" Totally kidding!!

 

But yes you're kind of correct. Same person at least* :)

 

I DO miss her... I'm one of those loyal people, even to a fault. But I was the Second person she told because, even after Everything, she loves & respects me.

But this would be another thread, titled, "BS friends w/an OW?"

What do you think? ;)

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BetrayedH Established Member

BetrayedH

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betrayedH wrote, " As I recall, her H was a jerk but she was the one cheating and you got her to confess. I wondered if you might take up a job as a hostage negotiator or something after that. Better that they divorced than keep up a facade marriage, I suppose. Not sure how I would have responded to her text. Probably best that you left the, screw you, as a mental thought. I remember her being pretty foggy."

 

BetrayedH,

I totally wasn't even thinking "screw you" Totally kidding!!

 

But yes you're kind of correct. Same person at least* :)

 

I DO miss her... I'm one of those loyal people, even to a fault. But I was the Second person she told because, even after Everything, she loves & respects me.

But this would be another thread, titled, "BS friends w/an OW?"

What do you think? ;)

 

Perhaps today is not the day for that thread.

 

And I would assume she's a fOW now, right? Or is she just a fWS? For what it's worth, I am also "friends" with a serial OW. We're working on it.

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HopingAgain Established Member

HopingAgain

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Hoping again, you would be hard pressed to find Anyone who would disagree with how you're feeling. I certainly don't*

 

It's So Soon to think past getting through each day I think, leg alone looking "forward" excitedly to celebrate the day you both took an oath to never betray one another, after he Did!

Through the 2nd anniversary I didn't even know if I was willing to R. Heck, he wasn't even back in the house yet*

 

But he drove 12 hours to take me out to dinner...

 

Maybe for now, let your H do all the planning for your anniversary. Allow him this opportunity to Show you he is With You. (which hopefully he's doing daily*).

Just get through today and when your anniversary comes, acknowledge his efforts and juat by showing up, he'll know you are trying.

 

Thank you for this, CIH! There are so many times I feel unsure and kinda bad about not being more Gung Ho about milestone events and reconciliation in general. Some days arev great and then others I'm asking myself why I'm still here!:LOL. So hearing others say this is normal even years later encourages me! I will certainly sit back and allow this to be an area where my H does the heavy lifting!

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ComingInHot Established Member

ComingInHot

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HopingAgain, I "like" your post × Ten*

 

Tiny little Teens piece of advice :o. From what I learned, it May be, that due to the fact that your H is, at his core... Male (lol)., that he NEEDS to be told (using straight forward, Non-cnfusing, small words) what it is that He needs to do or what You need/want him to do. Like, with anything.

 

This was The BEST advice I Ever got from a fWH / M counselor / Harley biker...*

Harley biking, fWH's M counseling Wife added, "when you do approach your H, do so in a way that will use his High points of interest, so the request will be known to possibly benefit him as well"... They're a comical team with the experiences faced and overcome who relay things in a real, down to earth manner!

 

Hoping again, for what it's worth, alright? I send you virtual ((hugs))!

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dichotomy Established Member

dichotomy

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You are doing well, congrats !

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scatterd Established Member

scatterd

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My husband and I celebrate every year but after our 16th anniversary it has not been the same. On our 16th he gave me a new ring and told me how much he loved me. Two months after that he said he was not in love anymore and wanted a divorce I found out he had been going to a younger girls house. He treated me horrible so I went and filed for divorce and was moving out. He begged me to work it out so i stayed on condition of counceling and no more lies. My dad died months before he did this and my health was getting bad. I got real sick and did not feel well enough to do anything, The ring he gave me meant nothing to me but a lie.This year was our 20th anniversary we traded my ring for a new one and went to dinner its getting better and knock on wood I am feeling better.The answer is yes we celebrate.

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ComingInHot Established Member

ComingInHot

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To Everyone here, Thank You all so much for taking the time today to wish me well!! I was thinking that I may have been selfish today in posting about my anniversary. I know there are many struggling with this. And I was right there too!

 

I just wanted to be a little sunshine to some who wonder if things will ever get better With their spouse who cheated. In my case (so far) yes, things did get better. And you know what? Whether anyone decides to R or D, things will & Do get better**

 

Anyway, thanks for letting me share LSers! :)

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Finally Settled Established Member

Finally Settled

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A belated, nonetheless heartfelt, Happy Anniversary to you and Mr Hot. :love:

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