Confusion_Reigns Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 So, yesterday I went to the dr and am being sent on to a specialist, my dr mentioned Muscular dystrophy and that scares me. I’m going to remain as positive as I can while I wait a week for my apt with the specialist. So I had my daughter drive with me to the dr yesterday, just in case they had to do some tests on my eyes I wanted to make sure I had a driver. Husband was at work. So, I get the above diagnoses and referral. I had to go back to work and maintained well for the rest of the day. I’m a ‘work to keep me busy’ type of person when I’m freaking out…and I was freaking out just a bit. So I told husband that I had the referral but know that I can’t tell him this MS thing until we get home because he’s the one who’s going to really freak out. So he wasn’t home when I got home. He didn’t get home until about 630 last night…which is odd…but he wasn’t there. So I txted Om he couldn’t really talk right then (I didn’t tell him anything about the MS thing)so we’re going to talk today…I just need support, that’s all. Last night when I told my husband he started crying and held me. I didn’t cry…almost but no, it seems like I just can’t cry anymore (good? Bad?Idk)….and life went on as normal. Later in the evening he said to me “I don’t know what to do…” I was like, what? He said about what I told him…I says “What can be done? Nothing. All that can be done right now is to pray” and I held him as he shook and held back his tears. So I wonder who is support who? And it gets me thinking that some of this fear I have in side of me is that if I do become dependent on him to take care of me…will he? Can he? He’s 10 yrs older than me and I never thought that I’d be the one who was facing these types of medical issues…he’s kind of a hypochondriac and is mostly always sick or ill or something….I always-always thought that I’d be taking care of him. I honestly don’t know if I trust him to really take care of me…*if*I need taken care of….if it came to that. This really could be nothing about MS it could be something really simple and curable (keeping my mind positive). I know that right now we know nothing so I know that this idea of him taken care of me is an abstract idea with no real concrete reasons. But it does bring up some very real issues inside of me…and maybe helps me understand a bit more clearly what I’m going thru right now, and why I’m going thru it. Bottom line this is a huge trust issue that I’m thinking on…not trust as to if he’ll cheat on me again or be abusive towards me again…I know I’ll be ok regardless… it’s the fear of depending on him for my well-being. I think it speaks to a much larger issue. Thoughts?
Author Confusion_Reigns Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 my friend has provided me the type of support I need to help me find a little peace inside myself. my husband needs my support to help him find a little peace inside himself. Truth is...I am afraid of shadows at this point...but truly I just needed someone to lean all my weight on, just for a little bit, while I let myself fall all the way apart, just for a little bit. ...now back to it...
It-is-what-it-is. Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 I don't proclaim to know your situation, but I wonder if you would be better off divorced? What exactly keeps you married? Your marriage seems to lack whatever you need, and going into what may or may not be a serious illness, it seems that being alone would be better than depending on someone that won't follow through. It's just my opinion, but the stress of your secret affair life cannot be good for your health either.
Author Confusion_Reigns Posted August 26, 2013 Author Posted August 26, 2013 Like an idiot I still love my husband...sort of love him...and at this very moment I don't see that my wants out weight my children's needs. That might change in the future but I don't know.
It-is-what-it-is. Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 Like an idiot I still love my husband...sort of love him...and at this very moment I don't see that my wants out weight my children's needs. That might change in the future but I don't know. Your children will still have a father, regardless of what you do. However, you continue to lack full commitment to your marriage and you say the marriage is not fulfilling for you (maybe both of you?) would you not be happier apart do you "sort of" love your husband enough to set him free to find someone who loves him like you love your AP?
yessy21 Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 Don't be scared. No matter what the outcome... just know that your children will be there. At the end of the day those people you gave life too... should be able to give life back to you... as in taking care of you. I wouldn't put it past someone who has had previous problems with cheating and abuse to not be overwhelmed and do it again.
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