96nole Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 I agree with most of your posts, but not this one. Had my H done this when I was having/ending my A, I would have picked up the stuff he had thrown out, gotten into my car, and left. I guarantee he would never have seen me again. Ever. Do you also tell you husband every day how lucky he is that you decided to stay with him after being with another man?
BetrayedH Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 I agree with most of your posts, but not this one. Had my H done this when I was having/ending my A, I would have picked up the stuff he had thrown out, gotten into my car, and left. I guarantee he would never have seen me again. Ever. Perhaps you would have. I'm not sure what you expect a betrayed spouse to do, clean the dishes while his WW goes off with another man? I respect your right to voice a dissenting opinion. What would your suggestion to the OP be? 1
Author jlop Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 Wow, quick response from everybody! Currently our house is up for rent. Can't wait to get out of here really, as sad as it is. Sitting in the kitchen my wife turns to me and says, "Do you think we are doing the right thing?. Ironically I replied what every poster had said and I hadn't read a word of it. "You're using this as a way to have your affair without me being in your way and so you don't have to feel guilty". I pretty much told her I think it would be a good idea if she explored her feelings with him, that she obviously doesn't care about me and who am I to take away her happiness, I certainly don't want to be with someone who doesn't want me. She replied. "I don't want to be with him Ive stopped talking to him" Yea yea... If my wife walked into the room and said good morning, I'd have to look out the window to check if she was lying! Then she said "you don't pay your share of the mortgage and I'm always having to worry about it and you never do, this is part of the reason we are here today. Ironically my wife took six months off and I had to support her, while she went through depression... Or to be real... "Depressed because she ****ed another man and now feels terrible guilt because she doesn't feel anything for me anymore, and doesn't know what to do about it" Anyway, this depreciated my float of funds that I had saved. I have zilch in savings, and the last few months has been tough for me work wise. And she truly did have to cover the mortgage. ... but I guess we will forget about that earlier bit, where she was able to take 6 months off and just think about what a looser I am today" So in summary, Hopefully we can rent the place out this weekend. I plan to go back to mums for a few months while I get back on my feet and sort out what I plan to do in the future. Save some cash and get my own place or something... The money used to cover us was originally for my tax, so now I have to find 16K from somewhere!!! But you know what, I really don't give a %$^%$ about the money, I enjoy what I do for a living and would do it for free anyway. So it will come, it always does. In the meantime I look forward to spending time with my family who are very worried about me and have supported me and surprised me with their love to no end. She can go be with this man and see how it goes!!! Oh yea, he still calls and texts, I know this because I have a business mobile account where all texts mms and messages are stored online and is accessible with a magical password I entered into her phone to allow me to access it via their server, while she was in the shower. I can see that she truly is telling him to leave her alone and not responding to him...He leaves love felt voice messages and tells her "why she doesn't just follow her heart to be with him, why is she doing this to him and not following what she truly wants" etc etc.. She does not reciprocate.... but then again, talk to me next week!
2.50 a gallon Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 Run, Forrest Run! From the sounds of it you are listening to your inner voice and it is speaking from a position of wisdom How can you tell when a cheater is lying? Their lips move 1
BetrayedH Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 Until she takes 100% ownership of her affair, you have nothing to work with. You know what caused her to cheat? She made a decision to be a cheater. Unless you made a vote in favor of that, she gets to own it. Your best bet - file for divorce. It will either wake her up or it won't. If it doesn't, nothing will. And anything less puts you in a position of sending the message that you'll accept less than you're worth. Don't send that message to her or to yourself. 1
Steadfast Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 You'll not find better advice than what you're getting here OP. This group knows their stuff and you seem to be catching on very quickly. Bravo for explaining the deal to your wife. Bravo for moving on. You have put yourself in the best possible position for having a meaningful existence. You are nailing it these days kidd. I think you're ready to go pro. 1
Spark1111 Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 Wow, quick response from everybody! Currently our house is up for rent. Can't wait to get out of here really, as sad as it is. Sitting in the kitchen my wife turns to me and says, "Do you think we are doing the right thing?. Ironically I replied what every poster had said and I hadn't read a word of it. "You're using this as a way to have your affair without me being in your way and so you don't have to feel guilty". I pretty much told her I think it would be a good idea if she explored her feelings with him, that she obviously doesn't care about me and who am I to take away her happiness, I certainly don't want to be with someone who doesn't want me. She replied. "I don't want to be with him Ive stopped talking to him" Yea yea... If my wife walked into the room and said good morning, I'd have to look out the window to check if she was lying! Then she said "you don't pay your share of the mortgage and I'm always having to worry about it and you never do, this is part of the reason we are here today. Ironically my wife took six months off and I had to support her, while she went through depression... Or to be real... "Depressed because she ****ed another man and now feels terrible guilt because she doesn't feel anything for me anymore, and doesn't know what to do about it" Anyway, this depreciated my float of funds that I had saved. I have zilch in savings, and the last few months has been tough for me work wise. And she truly did have to cover the mortgage. ... but I guess we will forget about that earlier bit, where she was able to take 6 months off and just think about what a looser I am today" So in summary, Hopefully we can rent the place out this weekend. I plan to go back to mums for a few months while I get back on my feet and sort out what I plan to do in the future. Save some cash and get my own place or something... The money used to cover us was originally for my tax, so now I have to find 16K from somewhere!!! But you know what, I really don't give a %$^%$ about the money, I enjoy what I do for a living and would do it for free anyway. So it will come, it always does. In the meantime I look forward to spending time with my family who are very worried about me and have supported me and surprised me with their love to no end. She can go be with this man and see how it goes!!! Oh yea, he still calls and texts, I know this because I have a business mobile account where all texts mms and messages are stored online and is accessible with a magical password I entered into her phone to allow me to access it via their server, while she was in the shower. I can see that she truly is telling him to leave her alone and not responding to him...He leaves love felt voice messages and tells her "why she doesn't just follow her heart to be with him, why is she doing this to him and not following what she truly wants" etc etc.. She does not reciprocate.... but then again, talk to me next week! When you see a text that says, LEAVE me alone! I LOVE JLOP and am committing to him if he will have me. NEver contact me again or WE will file a restraint order....then, maybe, a discussion could be had..... Until then, proceed forward and keep focusing on you.
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