He said, "No matter what, you don't leave" and I told him to go.

[lifestyle1]

well he just called and asked if I was going to stay in our (rental) house. I told him yes I was staying. I just can't belevie I am moving on.

 

A lot of stuff was my fault. we began an affair and left our spouses for each other. His was easy and friendly in fact we now live aorund the corner from his old house and he has his shop there. Mine was ugly, bitter, drawn out, dead-beat dad, and the kids are damaged and angry. Ex wanted to make sure he made life hell and he did.

 

It seemed like the court case or problems were always bringing me down. and we were both sick and tired. The way he is talking is like - no matter what you just don't leave.

 

And I felt, Until I do, you cannot see what is happening. He was always frustrated and angry with me.

 

He says I didnt make a break then, and remained wishy washy. I feel manipulated.

[SoleMate]

I don't really understand your story. Are you saying that your bf - the OM/MM of your affair - is asking you to work on your r/s, and you are refusing? Do you want a r/s with him or not? If so, be prepared for some work and some pain - it sounds like your ex is dedicated to the pursuit of ugliness. (My condolences.)

 

Men are often not good at r/s "talk". They would rather use their actions to cement and demonstrate the bond. Some of them are also not very clear on which actions are appropriate or even adequate to let the female partner understand the level of the male partner's commitment to making things work. Is this the case for you two?

 

Are you both just burned out by divorce fallout? Please take pity on yourselves - it's all about survival, and security, and rebuilding happiness. Oh, and taking care of the vulnerable victims, aka the "kids".