ruby77 Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 Hi everyone, I'm just wondering how you're all feeling after around 5 months since the breakup really, would be interesting to know where everybody is at. How do you feel day to day? What stages have you gone through? And what stage are you at at the moment? Theres so many stages such as anger, sadness, denial, guit, blame, depression, bargaining, anxiety washes over me. I am still millions better than I was at the beginning but thought I'd be further on than this by now. How about everyone else?
iouaname Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 I think that 5 months was actually one of the worst points for me. I had maintained no contact from month 3-5, and then all of the sudden I decided to respond to one of his phone calls, at which point things got really awful and he got particularly nasty. So yeah, 5 months was no good. 1
Author ruby77 Posted August 22, 2013 Author Posted August 22, 2013 Sorry I meant to say: I am still very up and down. One minute I feel ok and honestly hopeful and even excited about the future and the next, overwhelming anxiety washes over me. I am still millions better than I was at the beginning but thought I'd be further on than this by now. I dont mean for this to be a negative post as I am making progress and I hope everyone else is too but it has surprised me how long its taking. You say 5 months was a bad point for you. Hoe long has it been now and how are you feeling now?
chinacat sunflower Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 The 5 month mark (back in May) was also very challenging for me. I stuck to no contact until then. I gave in, emailed him and got no response. I feel much, much better now, I just wish I would have just stuck to no contact. Lesson learned. Don't try to force it though. You will feel better soon enough
iouaname Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 All of that is normal. It's just going to take time. You'll process all of those emotions, and eventually they will fade. I'm at 8 months now - but don't use me as an example I have broken no contact many, many times and I found out recently that my ex has been 'seeing' someone else. The news devastated me for a few days, but I'm actually doing much better now. So, I look at that as progress.
Sasa123 Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 Im at the 5 months at the moment. I feel better, but there's still a lot of thinking and missing. I thought I would be totally over it by now, but I'm not. It still hurts when im thinking of him with another girl and I still hope to get back together. But I've noticed that I'm thinking less of him and I'm more happy than sad. Small steps, but its okay. 2
Author ruby77 Posted August 22, 2013 Author Posted August 22, 2013 Sounds like 8 months is a good place to be then! That's the way I look at it, instead of focusing on when I feel bad ot setbacks, I just try and think about how far I have come since the really dark days at the beginning. No im not over it and I still dont feel 'right' but I am getting there. Its just a very long road! We will all get there xx
tinker683 Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 Hi everyone, I'm just wondering how you're all feeling after around 5 months since the breakup really, would be interesting to know where everybody is at. How do you feel day to day? Right now I am at 7 months since the breakup, 4 months NC. Generally pretty well right now. I've got a lot going on in my life, keeping myself pretty busy. Actually meeting up with a cute redhead this weekend, very much looking forward to it. She's on the back of mind like a mosquito that keeps buzzing in my ear. Most of the time it's not any sort of coherent, solid thought but almost like background noise. I loved her dearly so I suspect this isn't going to change for a long time but I'm ok with that. Every now and then she seems to intrude more than I like and I'll feel anything from regret to anger to a calm understanding of why the relationship had to end. When those moments come I don't try to hide them but I try to dwell on them either. I suspect I'm nearing the end of this road and what I'm feeling are the vestiges of my emotional attachment to her. What stages have you gone through? I was in denial for the first few months of months and then when I broke NC the last time and she told me she had been seeing someone already and that catapulted me into anger. I felt used, betrayed, rejected. I started retracing my relationship with her and wondering why she couple replace me so quickly. My anger stayed with me for a long time and in fact has only recently begun to recede significant. I rage was largely turned inward: I kept feeling like I was worthless and undesirable and I didn't want to be. Right now though I would say I am very near to acceptance. The anger has largely receded with the occasional flare up when I get a trigger of some kind. By and large though I'm living a life I love that doesn't involve her in any way shape or form and I'm quite content with that. And what stage are you at at the moment? Theres so many stages such as anger, sadness, denial, guit, blame, depression, bargaining, anxiety washes over me. I am still millions better than I was at the beginning but thought I'd be further on than this by now. How about everyone else? I'm doing pretty well. I don't know how things are going to go with the redhead this weekend but I feel like it's a good step for me. I'm putting myself out there, I'm living my life. I still feel a great deal of anger but now it's more like a restlessness that's driving me forward than a stewing hatred that's poisoning me. I don't like who I became as a result of my relationship with her and I'm trying very hard to change that person. Hope that answers your questions.
BLS Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 5 Months is about where I'm at. I expected to be better than I am by this point, but like everyone else I'm happier than I was at the beginning. I have had high high's and low low's. In fact, I don't find myself coming onto this sight unless I'm one of those two lol. One to seek advice, the other to give it. This can be so saddening sometimes.
chinacat sunflower Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 Sounds like 8 months is a good place to be then! That's the way I look at it, instead of focusing on when I feel bad ot setbacks, I just try and think about how far I have come since the really dark days at the beginning. No im not over it and I still dont feel 'right' but I am getting there. Its just a very long road! We will all get there xx I'm definitely not over it. I found out about a month ago he's in another relationship with someone who is seriously the most perfect person for him. I was devastated for a few days, but I'm feeling much better now. Much better than I have ever been since the split. My biggest issue now is letting go of the very very small amount of hope that we will cross paths someday. With that said, I think for me to let go of that hope would be to find someone that will sweep me off my feet and I will be good to go! Hang in there!
summerlovin Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 I'll be at 5 months NC in 4 days. Generally, I'm pretty happy and satisfied with my life at the moment. I've done lots of exciting things this summer (skydiving, vacation to California and Canada) and I've been trying to keep myself busy with friends, work and new hobbies, like guitar. I'm definitely not over my ex yet. I still think about him every day and I still have hope for us in the future. I'm generally not sad about it anymore, but I have my days where I miss him and see something that reminds me of him and I get upset. I haven't looked at any of his social networking sites for a few months but even if his name pops up somewhere, it makes my heart drop. Today this guy asked me for my number. He was handsome and seemed very nice and I did give it to him, but I felt really weird afterwards. I'm definitely not ready to talk to someone new yet and I just want to be single for a while to let myself really heal.
lop98 Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 6 months post BU, 4 NC How do you feel day to day? Great, I've gotten back genuine interest for all the activities that used to get me excited before and I'm in love with a wonderful man. I literally wake up with a smile on my face, singing, taking my time to cook each meal... at one point this year I thought I'd never be like this again, it was all darkness every morning and the darkness would only worsen through the day, going from chest tightness to numbness to tears, back and forth, for months I didn't even feel appetite but I continued to hang in there, doing what I knew I had to do and before I noticed, the storm clouds had gone away and I was back in shape. I don't think I'll ever go back to who I was but I don't want to, going that light-headed through life was exactly what made me walk into that dark alley that relationship was just for the thrill... I feel stronger each day, more confident and I'm generally in a good mood everyday, which is how I used to be. What stages have you gone through? All of them. I was crushed initially, he lied and I dumped his ass and immediately entered denial, I thought we could fix everything but deep bottom I was so hurt I knew I would never be able to get past it and he knew that too, but it was like getting off a drug addiction, I bargained, broke NC, snooped obsessively. I was severely depressed for months, I never had suicidal thoughts but if someone had pushed me into the traffic, I would not have resisted. Then it was a mix of anger, I wanted him to suffer, wanted revenge, wanted to see him vomiting from pain to put it explicitly... that calmed down eventually and I was left with sadness, like entering a hall where a great party took place years ago and it's all empty, I was so sad for everything we could've had and how we let fears burn it. And what stage are you at at the moment? I'm at a point in my life where great things are happening and I'd rather not remember what happened in these months, I do wonder what he could be up to but out of curiosity really, he could be in the hospital and I wouldn't really care... I see him more like a loser, the way he communicated, the way he was, the things he said, all the pointless BS and games... I wish I could say I feel pity but it's not even that, mostly I question my emotional state at the time I decided he could ever be good for me. 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 6+ months BU 5+ months NC Pretty much the same as others. Up and down daily. I have mostly passed being sad or depressed. Still angry at her and me for letting things evolve the way they did. Sometimes optimistic, sometimes pessimistic. But generally trending up, like a successful stock. You know, a squiggly line, but still moving up overall I KNOW for a fact that if I had not done and continue to do NC, I would be much, much worse!! Been improving mentally and physically, so that is nice
Author ruby77 Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 Thanks for your replies everyone. This has been really useful as I've been beating myself up for not being further on by now but seems everyone is more or less the same. From what I can tell it will be another 2 or 3 months before I feel a bit more on an even keel. I hope this will be useful to those in the fresh early stages of a breakup too, it takes time but you will get there. As will I :-)
portableversion Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 i remember 5 months post my divorce, I was heading down hill pretty hard, or actually I was in a very dark place and then she ended up lying to me making me think we had a chance to back together, only to later tell me she was going to alaska to screw her future husband. It was pure ****ing hell for me. Too bad we had kids nc would have done me a great favor. Since we have kids I will be forced to deal with her for the next several years. Its a nightmare indeed. A year later I find myself having nightmares over the ordeal. Many times I thought it would be cool if a semi flipped over on the road and smashed me like a bug, over all the walking wounded here, a broken shattered mess set back by years. Sometimes I get the thousand yard stare. I get bombarded by setbacks of different things in my life separate from the divorce and I just don't care. you could tell me tomorrow that I have a terminal illness, and ill just laugh, the world has nothing left to toss at me..........whatever bring it on, you can' t hurt the walking dead. Sure I have more better times and can laugh and get others to laugh but somehow many times it just seems empty and shallow. I do indeed laugh but it's painted on a canvas of black and gray. So odd we did have bad times and she had hurt me a lot but this has been much worse, much worse, I had no idea how bad it could get. Like others have said though im much better than in the beginning but im still down in a hole. Just goes to show how far down the divorce her remarriage and not seeing the boys has punched me down. IM sure I am scarred and I have symptoms of ptsd. The recent nightmares indicate that. Seeing old couples and new couples walking down the street holding hand and such make me cringe, seeing couples with their children at the park hurts me too, I try to pray and goto church and other things............**** it who cares 1
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