James434 Posted November 10, 2004 Posted November 10, 2004 My exgf broke up with me end of July. Time has gone by relatively fast and I still really miss her. I just turned 23 she's 22 now. Same story you hear time and time again, important grauation from college need to spend time on me and date others. She started dating someone shortly after, not sure if it was coping or really moving on. Actually I don't even really know if she is going out with this guy or not, but I assume they are. Anyway with the rough details out of the way, I contacted (email) her recently telling her I would like to talk. She told me to call. The reason I wanted to talk to her is to ask if she only wanted to date others or if we were done forever. When I heard she wanted to see other people I didn't really slow down to find out what she was really after. I was hurt before and I know better then to be friends or stick around... guess I should have slowed down a bit. She does want to be friends she just is hurt that I ran away and shut her out of my life, with no explation. I didn't think I need to give one, "you want to see other people!" I am graduating from college in 1.5 months then I am off to work in New Zealand for 7 months. I want to get engaged to my ex before I left and told her this, we were going out at the time still when I wanted to discuss this possiblity. I think that was part of the scare into dating and what not for her.Then I am going to come back for about a month and go to South Africa for 6-8 months to work. Then I am off to Europe for a 3 months on a holiday. I have recently found out that after all my travels I will have a great opportunity to live abroad permenently. I guess I really want a chance to start fresh... I felt this way even when I was with her. It had nothing to do with her it was a personal thing. Now I have the opportunity and I want to. She thinks I am coming back and she will have an opportunity to be friends or more with me.... if she still wants to. I guess I kind of wanted to discuss it with her, part of me feels that it is easier just to vanish... easier isn't always right or better. I don't want to hurt her and I don't want her to feel like the discussion is an ulitmatium. I would live here after my travels for awhile or postpone making the permenent move, but I'm sure she won't be able to give me a real decision. I don't think I want to break the news to her on the road or when I am gone. If I am gone.... I am not going to drag her feelings through it. I think it will help me feel good if she knows and is okay with it and didn't feel like I abandoned her. What do you all think?
Devildog Posted November 10, 2004 Posted November 10, 2004 Alot of people feel the need to date other people when they are in a serious relationship. Most of the time it is to determine if what they feel for the person is real or not. My personal opinion is that it isn't the best idea. Given enough time with someone you will probably start to develop some sort of fellings for them. Given your plans for the next few years, I think it would be unwise to try reconciling at this point. You will be bouncing around all over the globe with work. And she would be pulled along for the ride. Either she goes with you and doesn't have a chance to really settle in and make any friends while you work, or she stays at home and you have a long distance relationship. For her sake and benefit I think you should consider ending the relationship as far as a couple and try to be friends until things settle down some.
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