irc333 Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 This is in response to me not picking up or perhaps choosing to ignore social cues of a woman not being interested for the sake that women, in general, typically aren't much for confrontation and being put on the spot or not returning phone calls w hen she said it'd be okay to go out on another date again....but instead chose to "fade away" Well, how about the other end of the spectrum. Men who have asked out the same woman more than once only to be turned down directly or get the blow off or ignored, only to keep asking her out everytime he has the opportunity. Seenit happen all the time. One time at a Meetup, I saw this woman with a new boyfriend.....she told me he had asked her out probably 4 times and each time refusing or turning him down and then on the 5th time (5th times a charm with her I guess) she agreed to it, and now....they're a couple. Some even result in marriage. So perhaps I've been taking that route and have it in the back of my mind that since it worked with these gusy, it'll work with me? I heard some women even state that they'll purposely blow off the guy to see if he keeps calling. She uses it as to gauge HIS interest to see if he's actually seriously into her, as opposed to a one night stand. No joke, I"ve heard women admit to this....if he keeps being persistent, it assures her that he's serious. I've known women to get upset with guys that stop calling her after one phone call.
aussietigerwolf Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 ok.... australians may be different but i'm pretty sure that any guy blown off would just try elsewhere. 2
sillyanswer Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 I heard some women even state that they'll purposely blow off the guy to see if he keeps calling. She uses it as to gauge HIS interest to see if he's actually seriously into her, as opposed to a one night stand. No joke, I"ve heard women admit to this....if he keeps being persistent, it assures her that he's serious. I've known women to get upset with guys that stop calling her after one phone call. Not sure what your question is, but I'm quick to drop someone who plays games like that. I assume that she's not interested and stop chasing. If I sit back and try to (over-) analyse it, I also imagine that if she'll play games like that before the relationship gets going then she'll keep playing testing games during the relationship, and I can't be bothered with that BS. Life is too short and there are plenty of women with a healthy attitude to dating out there. 3
Skyraider829 Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 This is in response to me not picking up or perhaps choosing to ignore social cues of a woman not being interested for the sake that women, in general, typically aren't much for confrontation and being put on the spot or not returning phone calls w hen she said it'd be okay to go out on another date again....but instead chose to "fade away" Well, how about the other end of the spectrum. Men who have asked out the same woman more than once only to be turned down directly or get the blow off or ignored, only to keep asking her out everytime he has the opportunity. Seenit happen all the time. One time at a Meetup, I saw this woman with a new boyfriend.....she told me he had asked her out probably 4 times and each time refusing or turning him down and then on the 5th time (5th times a charm with her I guess) she agreed to it, and now....they're a couple. Some even result in marriage. So perhaps I've been taking that route and have it in the back of my mind that since it worked with these gusy, it'll work with me? I heard some women even state that they'll purposely blow off the guy to see if he keeps calling. She uses it as to gauge HIS interest to see if he's actually seriously into her, as opposed to a one night stand. No joke, I"ve heard women admit to this....if he keeps being persistent, it assures her that he's serious. I've known women to get upset with guys that stop calling her after one phone call. All I can say is that sometimes interpreting signals and indications from a girl can be a HEADACHE. Some have special little ways of getting the "baseline" message across even amidst interpersonal noise or contradictory behavior. And some can just be flat-out confusing. Borrowing from you stated: What would crack me up and make me bust out laughing is when a girl is asked out by nice, normal guy who takes things at face value (like a good number of us boys who really do) and when he asks her out, she flat out turns him down even though she likes him like you say. To do what? Get the guy to go pining for them? So the guy goes away, and doesn't ask again. He took what she said at face value. I think we should all become well-versed in psychology before attempting to date. Then she wonder why he didn't ask her - well, why do you think? Doesn't it come across their awareness that he maybe doesn't think its a game and really believes they just are not interested? Oh the irony... Some guys - depending on their personality, will go back and try again, and then again until she caves in and says yes or it makes it objectively clear she has no interest whatsoever. Or some will hear "...no thanks..." and leave it at that, period. You'd think some girls might take this into consideration. Take me for example, if a girl said no - I'd take it at face value and walk away. If she wanted to play first, I'm game for that but she needs to convey her underlying message in a way so that I know she may want to go out. I would then be more open to faux rejections until I get to the point where she accepts on her behalf. However, no one knows what is on the other person's mind at any time so it just makes this a perplexing issue.
Star Gazer Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 I never ever ever blow off men I'm interested in. Ever. I blow off men I'm not interested in or have lukewarm interest in. Persistence has sometimes gotten the lukewarm guys a date; a single date, but nothing more. 1
Imajerk17 Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 (edited) To answer your question, the guy probably kept on asking during a high point in the interaction with the woman in question. Right before the guy asked, she probably was laughing at something he said, and not pulling out her can of Mace. In the case of the girl you went out with, maybe next time you can propose the second date at the end of the first. It's no guarantee though. She could say yes even to a day and time and then cancel. I don't think anyone was expecting you to "know" this girl wasn't interested though. In face, if you are into someone you have to go for the second date even if you think she isn't interested. I think you and this woman were just too different. As I mentioned before it sounds that this woman's life has a lot of large moving parts (e.g., her engaged daughter going through an emotional crisis) and she didn't think you were on the same page in that regard. Just because you and she had a deep conversation over the phone doesn't change that. However... 1. If you write a girl online and she says she is too busy to date or she's hung up on another guy, then don't write her back a week later and challenge her story. If you ask a girl out in Meetup and she says she doesn't get involved with guys from Meetup, please don't question her dating habits like an annoying gadfly. THESE are the things that get people to think that you need help reading signals. 2. It might do you good to take some responsibility for a bad date/women flaking on you/whatever. I'm not saying that it is all on you--I actually think part of it is due to the women in your dating pool--but you need to realize that if you don't give women what they want, they aren't going to give you what you want. Maybe your profile/social skills/wardrobe could use some upgrading.... (Not trying to be harsh. There are ways I need to improve too. I take responsibility though.) Edited August 22, 2013 by Imajerk17
Author irc333 Posted August 22, 2013 Author Posted August 22, 2013 You do make some valid points, Everyone could have room for improvement though. I have a female friend, she was on POF a lot actually. Pretty lady though, in good shape, some might consider her average. Apparently she went on a date where it was pretty cold outside and they were taking a walk. She didn't dress up for THAT date simply because it was cold out when he remarked about her sweatshirt and tennis shoes that she wore on the date. He thought she was dressed too casual for their date, and she said, "Um, it's cold outside, what do you expect?" Though, it was kind of surprising that a man be a fashionista in criticizing a woman's dress....most men probably wouldn't care about how a woman dressed for a date to be honest...as long as she was pretty. So perhaps maybe she should've dressed up a bit more? I dunno. The last women I went out with that willingly kissed me good night wasn't all that great looking, age 47, could loose a few pounds (and was on her way to loosing weight), but she was cute and made me laugh. She had great curves though. Most men around where I live want sleek and athletic mostly, it's an area where men aren't all into hourglass figure, which is what she had. Reason I'm saying she wasn't all that great looking is that it doesn't take much for me to be physically attracted, but rather the WHOLE package to attract me. I think the point is though, or perhaps I should ask, does it seem that men need to improve their behavior to attract women more so than the other way around? I heard Harrison Ford's character in some movie say, "All SHE Has to do is just show up!" LOL To answer your question, the guy probably kept on asking during a high point in the interaction with the woman in question. Right before the guy asked, she probably was laughing at something he said, and not pulling out her can of Mace. In the case of the girl you went out with, maybe next time you can propose the second date at the end of the first. It's no guarantee though. She could say yes even to a day and time and then cancel. I don't think anyone was expecting you to "know" this girl wasn't interested though. In face, if you are into someone you have to go for the second date even if you think she isn't interested. I think you and this woman were just too different. As I mentioned before it sounds that this woman's life has a lot of large moving parts (e.g., her engaged daughter going through an emotional crisis) and she didn't think you were on the same page in that regard. Just because you and she had a deep conversation over the phone doesn't change that. However... 1. If you write a girl online and she says she is too busy to date or she's hung up on another guy, then don't write her back a week later and challenge her story. If you ask a girl out in Meetup and she says she doesn't get involved with guys from Meetup, please don't question her dating habits like an annoying gadfly. THESE are the things that get people to think that you need help reading signals. 2. It might do you good to take some responsibility for a bad date/women flaking on you/whatever. I'm not saying that it is all on you--I actually think part of it is due to the women in your dating pool--but you need to realize that if you don't give women what they want, they aren't going to give you what you want. Maybe your profile/social skills/wardrobe could use some upgrading.... (Not trying to be harsh. There are ways I need to improve too. I take responsibility though.)
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