RedRobin Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 (edited) I'm going to do my best to put this into context with my personal experience... I did not lose my virginity (or toss it, as it were) with a man I loved. It was most important to be with someone I could TRUST. Despite all the talk about first experiences, etc... I am a keen observer. I saw my GFs lose their virginity awkwardly, painfully... with men they cared about who later betrayed them in one way or another. Yes, these men were their BFs... some of these women ended up marrying these men. Most didn't. So, long story short... I chose a man I could trust. Who knew what he was doing. Who had a reputation of being kind, gentle, and discreet. He wasn't an escort... He was just a couple of years older than me. It was a very positive experience... even if it didn't end up being the BEST experience of my life. THAT came later, when I was in love... In any case... someone's first time is very important. It is very important to be with someone you trust... who is kind and thoughtful. Since I'm a woman, one could argue that it is easier to find that without paying. I'm not so sure about that. It is very difficult for anyone to find someone who is thoughtful, caring, and trustworthy... who won't make their time with him/her negative or damaging. ... I'm going to second what other posters have said... I believe you are afraid of women. These are valid concerns... but not unmanageable. If you ARE going to go the route of paying... what I might suggest is looking up a sex therapist instead. Your thoughts/concerns might be alot deeper than just sex... it is just manifesting as sex. A licensed sex therapist is trained in these things and are required to take strict measures for safety. .... and a word of caution... Depending on what country you live in, you might find your experience with an escort/prostitute to be very damaging. Even life altering in a negative way. There is no guarantee that it will be drama and problem free just because you are paying. Just like there are shytty contractors of all kinds... it can take time to find a good one. You might even end up with a police record. Not good. Time probably better spent developing your other social skills and dealing with underlying issues.... Just my 0.02. ... and to answer your question... My ex-H confessed to me that he visited a prostitute. I overlooked it then. He later cheated on me. I'd personally be hard pressed to repeat that experience, and am very wary of men who have a history of casual sex, FWB, etc... as much as I try to empathize with people's struggles... I've found that, long term, I'm not sure if our values are in line. I'm looking for a life-partner... If I wasn't concerned with finding a life-partner, maybe I wouldn't care. Other women have different experiences than me and so may not be worried about it either. Honesty is best though... Edited August 23, 2013 by RedRobin 1
Author Locust Posted August 25, 2013 Author Posted August 25, 2013 (edited) If I was with someone I would never cheat. I guess cheating for some people is a way of saying I don't want to be with you anymore, but do not have the balls to say so. Edited August 25, 2013 by Locust
RedRobin Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 If I was with someone I would never cheat. I guess cheating for some people is a way of saying I don't want to be with you anymore, but do not have the balls to say so. The reasons for people cheating are pretty complex. With my ex-H, he was lazy and poor communication/negotiation skills. I really believe in his case it was out of revenge/anger or a desire to hurt or control me. He didn't end up with his affair partner. I hear he still asks about me sometimes. It's too bad too. We went to counseling for over a year, but he refused to see his part in things. When my mom was diagnosed with late stage breast cancer and he decided to play video games all day the day after I heard the news instead of spending time with me... that is when I knew he had to go... His visiting a prostitute (to me at least) now fits perfectly into a pattern I see he played throughout his life. Always wanting to take the easy route... Or what he thinks is the easy route.... oh, and using women in one way or another. I won't make that mistake again. Not knowingly at least. It is why the three things I look for are empathy, gratitude, and ability to delay gratification. That's it... everything else comes after those... 2
jcrew11 Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 try a casual adult dating site like nerve, fling, justhookup, etc. that might help you find a one night stand that is not a working girl
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