Would women date a guy who been with escorts

[Arabella]

Perfectly acceptable, women do it all the time. So how many guys have you been with. Oh 7.

 

yeah 7, that one week in Cancun *snicker*

 

Maybe the kind of lower-class women you date are liars Most of the ladies on this board who hold men to a higher standard wouldn't NEED to lie about their past.

[Phantom888]

How many visit you think I would need to make before considered enough experience?

 

I realize I'm too old for this virgin mess and most women would not want to date a virgin guy at my age anyway. So I must seek escort with for a while.

 

Why would you even have to tell women you are a virgin? Just date some women, and start having sex! Why make it so complicated? You are overthinking it. Practice sex on a few non-serious relationships to get you started. Don't go to an escort to get experience. Your whole outlook on sex will be completely warped.

[Locust]

Maybe the kind of lower-class women you date are liars Most of the ladies on this board who hold men to a higher standard wouldn't NEED to lie about their past.

 

So you would date a guy who totally lack experience in the sack?

 

If not, then him seeking a call girl would only be his fix.

 

I read on this forum I think its called City-Data forums and lot women said they won't date a virgin. If they expecting no escort visits but want experience that is impossible for everyone, example a person like me. I been unlucky all my life, but experience that is scary. As I get older more and more is going to want someone who knows what to do then not know anything. I just been ignored by women all my life.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Would women date a guy who been with escorts.

 

 

 

Of course! Women do so all the time - all over the world - everywhere.

 

 

Why don't you ask what you really mean, though...

[sillyanswer]

So you would date a guy who totally lack experience in the sack?

 

Women aren't mind readers. They don't know that you're a virgin. Sure, they might be able to figure it out before you have sex, but from what you've said I don't think there's any indication that you being a virgin has put off any women.

 

Have you even been on any dates lately?

[Leigh 87]

Maybe the kind of lower-class women you date are liars Most of the ladies on this board who hold men to a higher standard wouldn't NEED to lie about their past.

 

 

 

OH great, another judgmental person.

 

To allude to the fact that the quality women out there do not HAVE to "lie" about their past, cos, you know... quality women do not sleep around? That says more about you, and the judgmental person YOU are, than it does the women who have slept around in periods of their life, who are often otherwise wonderful and high quality people that make wonderful partners.

 

I am not of a lower class and DO hold men to a higher standard.... I either have a loving relationship, or one FWB at a time when between relationships, who likes and respects me and is a genuine friend.

 

I HAVE tried to blend into todays hook up culture and its easy access to the effortless hedonism that sex with a hot stranger can provide some people.

While I enjoyed a few kisses with a few guys, I have to say, that sleeping with 3 or 4 guys whilst over seas is something I highly regret. I felt revolting and I never want to conduct myself like that again.

 

But Hey! According to "you", the fact I did that in my past, is reflective of my character and paints me as a low quality woman who is not worthy of a decent man who respects himself.

Even though I want nothing to do with random hook ups anymore. After trying it out for the first time in my life and realising it was NOT for me.

 

I date/talk to decent, good looking men, who say they could not care less how many men a women has slept with, because it is not always reflective of her values and character.

 

Jesus. You have SUCH a narrow view of men who have used escorts! Seriously, they are capable of valuing sex and love in the same way you value it...

There are men who have seen a few hookers, yet make wonderfully loyal and loving partners, who LOVE how their love for their partner enhances the sex.

Sex for men that have NOT been to escorts VS sex for men that HAVE seen escorts can feel the exact same for both parties when it is with a loving partner.

 

My ex sore hookers. I can see that he values the love and intimacy that sex between a loving partner provides in the exact same way as a man who has never seen a hooker does!

Sex between him and a woman he loves feels the same as it would for ANY other man who loves having sex to a woman he loves....

 

You have no way of measuring how men who have seen escorts value sex between their loving partners, versus how the other men feel about it...

[Shaun-Dro]

I been thinking about using escort/prostitutes to lose my virginity at 27 years old, and people are telling me that if I do go this route it could mess up my future dating life. Is that true? If it is I guess it really won't matter because I just turn 27 years old this year and never date and had a girlfriend my whole life I would say probably do not matter at this point. So much of my youthful sexual life is wasted and never enjoy a single bit of it. Only masturbated my whole life. I cannot masturbate forever.

 

Listen, the best answer to this question, as if you didn't know, is to never reveal your past sexual history. Problem solved.

[Phoe]

There's no answer for me that is set in stone, because I wouldn't insist on discussing these types of things, and my opinion might change based on the specific situation.

 

But I will say this...

 

 

 

 

I'd prefer to be with a 27 year old virgin than a 27 year old who'd been with an escort. I have no issues with virgins but just sort of get the vibe that a man who pays for sex has an unhealthy mindset about women and their sexual worth. Using another person as some sort of sperm receptacle, or likening sex to a service similar to getting a haircut or something. It's just too cold for my tastes..

[Leigh 87]

There's no answer for me that is set in stone, because I wouldn't insist on discussing these types of things, and my opinion might change based on the specific situation.

 

But I will say this...

 

 

 

 

I'd prefer to be with a 27 year old virgin than a 27 year old who'd been with an escort. I have no issues with virgins but just sort of get the vibe that a man who pays for sex has an unhealthy mindset about women and their sexual worth. Using another person as some sort of sperm receptacle, or likening sex to a service similar to getting

a haircut or something. It's just too cold for my tastes..

 

 

 

It's rather ignorant to assume that, just because a guy has the ability to see a hooker on occasion, that he is not capable of loving and respecting a women he falls in love with. Or that he cannot respect women he casually sleeps with.

 

Men who have seen hookers have the same capacity to value sex in the context of a loving relationship as a man who has never used a hooker.

[Auguria]

It's rather ignorant to assume that, just because a guy has the ability to see a hooker on occasion, that he is not capable of loving and respecting a women he falls in love with. Or that he cannot respect women he casually sleeps with.

 

Men who have seen hookers have the same capacity to value sex in the context of a loving relationship as a man who has never used a hooker.

 

Listen.

 

It's actually a fairly easy concept to grasp. People want to be intimate with partners who, throughout their lives, have made the same decisions that they have. So far so good, right? Unlike what you seem to think, it's not that ignorant. As a side note, you might also want to tone it down with the insults...

 

There are people out there who despite many choices and options presented to them refused to engage in casual sex. Some people wait for love, others have extremely high self-esteem and do not like to be thought as yet "another woman", others can only attain orgasms if emotional connection is in the air and on and on... For some of these people, who have been "self-controling" and have not easily given it, it is only fair to wait for a partner who has equally made the same choices and who has equally shown the same restraint.

 

Can man, for instance, who has been to escorts fall in love? Yes. No one is doubting their ability to. What is put in perspective is their lack of self-restraint, and ultimately, their set of values.

 

It is also not as easy as you make it seem. Many people require the same components of sexual value because very often they think about the future. You see, love is not eternal. It is daily consumed and it is daily killed by the ramblings of life and the world. It is important to know and never doubt that when love is fragile, your partner is not straying. This certitude is simply given by believing that you and your partner share the same understanding of intimacy.

 

Is it right? Maybe yes, maybe no. Some people prefer not take any chance and continue their quest for a more compatible partner although there is current love and passion.

[Phoe]

It's rather ignorant to assume that, just because a guy has the ability to see a hooker on occasion, that he is not capable of loving and respecting a women he falls in love with. Or that he cannot respect women he casually sleeps with.

 

Men who have seen hookers have the same capacity to value sex in the context of a loving relationship as a man who has never used a hooker.

 

Like I said originally, I would have no set in stone answer to this question and it would be very situational. Please be sure you have thoroughly understood a post before calling people ignorant.

 

 

Not every man who sees a hooker has an issue with valuing sex, just as men who DON'T see hookers can often be the ones with issues

 

 

For me, if I were privy to this kind of information while dating a man, it would just be something that MIGHT indicate a problematic mindset. I would have to proceed with caution and watch for any other indicators that show there may be a problem.

 

 

If I choose not to date a man because I am not comfortable with his views regarding sex, that does not make me ignorant.

Edited August 23, 2013 by Phoe
x

[Leigh 87]

No, you look down on people who choose not to wait until a loving relationship before they have sex.

 

You seem to think self control, and going without sex for long periods is some sort of a virtue!

However, it is fair to say that people who perpetually sleep around with men who do not respect them are doing themselves harm and should stop for their own sanity.

They are not any lesser quality then you though, due to sleeping around; they can still be every bit as kind, altruistic, generous and wonderful as people; yet whilst sleeping around.

 

What if a women or man who has slept around or used an escort finds a partner who HAS NEVER done those things, yet they both become wonderful and loving life partners?

 

Differing values regarding causal sex and escorts aside, you could be ruling people out due to this one "value" , who would otherwise be ideal partners for you.

 

I find no correlation between men that have used escorts, and women that have previously slept around, and their set of morels and values pertaining to sex.

I have slept around to a mild extent in my life. I do not do it now, and the fact I once did has no bearing on my ability to be faithful to a partner. I only pick men I am madly in love with and have no desire to stray from, you see. If they changed, I would leave them before cheating.

 

Likewise, my I know men who have seen hookers who have identical values to other men who have not slept with escorts.

[Leigh 87]

Like I said originally, I would have no set in stone answer to this question and it would be very situational. Please be sure you have thoroughly understood a post before calling people ignorant.

 

 

Not every man who sees a hooker has an issue with valuing sex, just as men who DON'T see hookers can often be the ones with issues

 

 

For me, if I were privy to this kind of information while dating a man, it would just be something that MIGHT indicate a problematic mindset. I would have to proceed with caution and watch for any other indicators that show there may be a problem.

 

 

If I choose not to date a man because I am not comfortable with his views regarding sex, that does not make me ignorant.

 

But how would you know that his views on sex would have any bearing on how he feels about sex with a loving partner?

 

Sorry if I called you ignorant, I just meant that one particular VIEW you had was a little off base, seeing as you have no idea how the men who have seen escorts actually value women they are in relationship with.

 

Seeing escorts often has no impact on the women these men seek out for loving relationships.

 

I know many men who have seen escorts, who go on to have amazing marriages with women they adore.

 

How sad if these women discounted a potentially great partner over one way these men have expressed themselves sexually?

 

It really just is a physical urge, sex; it is natural and healthy to engage in either casually or with love involved.

 

Some men cannot get regular sex so use escorts. Who are perfectly fine men.

 

There are also not enough jobs to go around so millions of women would starve if there were not escort services.

 

Many women cannot go to school if they cannot work as an escort, since there are no other jobs available in some cases, or jobs that would fund a degree.

 

It is not all about pathetic drugged out women that men disrespect; some men I have talked to do not look down on hookers, and see many of them as bright women who simply cannot afford an education unless they work as escorts for a few years.

 

It gets bad in that industry, but the men who use these escorts are not all slime balls who are desperate, have no self control or disrespect women.

[Phoe]

But how would you know that his views on sex would have any bearing on how he feels about sex with a loving partner?

 

I would not be able to know from that alone, but it would be something that might make me cautious and I would have to look further to find out whether his views are compatible with mine.

 

 

It's not a 100% dealbreaker but it's something that would take a lot of thought and consideration on my part in order to figure out whether or not I'm comfortable with that particular man.

[mario_C]

This is an interesting talk about prostitution, but I think it boils down to an issue with the OP - that he has severe problems communicating, building relationships and relating to women.

I can feel where he's coming from because I've been there, a long time in fact. Sometimes I visit.

 

He's young and inexperienced and a little frightened. All I can say is turn off the internet, get out of the house and talk to girls as much as you can, and enjoy life a little.

That's what I'm committed to doing. Out.

[Leigh 87]

I would not be able to know from that alone, but it would be something that might make me cautious and I would have to look further to find out whether his views are compatible with mine.

 

 

It's not a 100% dealbreaker but it's something that would take a lot of thought and consideration on my part in order to figure out whether or not I'm comfortable with that particular man.

 

 

 

Of course that is totally understandable.

 

However, there are instances where women meet an amazing guy who they have the "it" factor with that is hard to just find with most people..... And they could be very happy together, but then she finds out he has slept with an escort and decided to call it off over that, even though they are falling madly in love and are great together?

 

I see your slight aversion so it. It tends to be a cold and lonely industry to be a part of, from what I have heard of it. It is a very strange transaction; pay a girl andfck them.

 

I do think it is a mistake to rule out an otherwise lovely partner on the basis of that alone... Since there is often no correlation between a mans overall value system, and his past with hookers.

 

Even I would be apprehensive of dating a man who has seen escorts, as it means they can separate between sex and emotions.

 

The ability to have meaningless sex means there is a higher risk of them cheating, since no feelings are needed for them to just have sex with another women beside their partner.

 

Some men are capable of being in love and switching off and having meaningless sex. My ex was.

 

The thing is, there are some great guys out there that would not cheat on a partner, even with a history with escorts!

 

I do not want to turn away a guy who I feel I have something very special with, on the mere grounds he has seen escorts.

[Locust]

There's no answer for me that is set in stone, because I wouldn't insist on discussing these types of things, and my opinion might change based on the specific situation.

 

But I will say this...

 

 

 

 

I'd prefer to be with a 27 year old virgin than a 27 year old who'd been with an escort. I have no issues with virgins but just sort of get the vibe that a man who pays for sex has an unhealthy mindset about women and their sexual worth. Using another person as some sort of sperm receptacle, or likening sex to a service similar to getting a haircut or something. It's just too cold for my tastes..

 

No I wouldn't be treating them as if they were inferior, but take more as experience that I been curious most of youthful years. I'm really curious to know what sex is like. I want to know how my body will react and her's will react. Yes, I realize no meaningful connection will be involved but I heard this happens a lot even not when using a escort. Does it happen slightly older guy telling a 19 year he loves he and soon he get's inside her pants he is gone. I think that would be worst using and playing with er emotions. I think visiting a escort I'm being direct about it she and I know what is going to happen.

 

I haven't dated anyone before so my knowledge of that area is bad, I would know the first step of dating. I could again hire a escort for a dating component as I'm curious how dating goes as I never experience that either. I know I could take one of those dating classes or read a book but at point I have to experience it so I can learn. I have been told by several men that one dating style does not work for all guys. If I feel like a nervous wreck with a escort ( as I know I will) it will help me feel better for the next moment and I will be more comfortable for a actual date.

[Lani]

Ok, so I think it's pretty obvious that this boils down to the type of woman OP wants to be with.

 

There are the conservative types, who 'hold men to a higher standard' and want/need full disclosure on every move you have ever made. Ever. And may well dealbreak you for something like this.

 

Then there are the ones who are a bit more frivolous with their lives and are more open to whatever your past holds. Or perhaps may not even ask.

But watch out! We can be slutty and not worthy of a loving monogamous relationship

 

If you want the conservo's, no hooker. If you want the easier going type, hooker up.

 

At the end of the day, you just do whatever you want. It's your life, your dick and your virginity.

[sillyanswer]

I haven't dated anyone before so my knowledge of that area is bad, I would know the first step of dating.

 

Why haven't you done any dating? Do you realise that this has nothing to do with you being a virgin?

 

Why not take the more traditional first step of dating; ask a girl out. Do you ever even talk to women? You're not going to learn that from a prostitute.

[Arabella]

OH great, another judgmental person.

[...]

I am not of a lower class and DO hold men to a higher standard....

[...]

I have to say, that sleeping with 3 or 4 guys whilst over seas is something I highly regret. I felt revolting and I never want to conduct myself like that again.

[...]

But Hey! According to "you", the fact I did that in my past, is reflective of my character and paints me as a low quality woman who is not worthy of a decent man who respects himself.

[...]

 

I date/talk to decent, good looking men, who say they could not care less how many men a women has slept with, because it is not always reflective of her values and character.

 

Jesus. You have SUCH a narrow view of men who have used escorts! Seriously, they are capable of valuing sex and love in the same way you value it...

[...]

 

You have no way of measuring how men who have seen escorts value sex between their loving partners, versus how the other men feel about it...

 

I knew there would be someone who would take it that way. Apparently you haven't seen any of my other posts about this matter. I don't consider people who sleep around to be "low class"... UNLESS they lie about it. That's what makes you low class. Doing something you're apparently ashamed of and then hiding it to trick someone into being with you.

 

And sorry, but from my perspective... if you've slept around, you kinda lose the right to expect your partner to have abstained from casual sex. Which is why I haven't ever done it. I am picky because I can afford to be. That simple.

 

As for you calling me judgmental... I don't call it judgemental, I call it being discerning. I couldn't care less what other people out there do, nor do I look down on them for doing so, but I don't want such a man for myself.

 

-A

[Arabella]

So you would date a guy who totally lack experience in the sack?

 

If not, then him seeking a call girl would only be his fix.

 

I read on this forum I think its called City-Data forums and lot women said they won't date a virgin. If they expecting no escort visits but want experience that is impossible for everyone, example a person like me. I been unlucky all my life, but experience that is scary. As I get older more and more is going to want someone who knows what to do then not know anything. I just been ignored by women all my life.

 

Actually... I don't see an issue with men being a virgin at all. I've been the first for three of my long-term partners, and my fiance has only had two before me.

 

You gotta be consistent. If you don't want men who sleep around, then naturally you might end up with men who have little experience.

 

Although the two don't necessarily go together, they often do. I'm fairly experienced and yet I've never had casual sex. That would be the ideal for me, but if I can't get that, a virgin suits me just fine.

[Arabella]

This is starting to feel like a religious discussion. We have a 27 year old man who never was with a girl. You expect him to restrain himself from discovering something most of us take for granted, because in the future he might meet a girl and be judged for his deeds. Then again, he might never meet a girl and him restraining himself would mean he's gonna die a virgin, not because he wants to but because he was afraid of being judged. If someone has the misfortune of missing out on relationships and love during his life, I think it's be cruel to emotionally blackmail him into missing out on sex as well.

 

Values have nothing to do with religion. I'm an atheist, and I still have pretty conservative values regarding sex.

 

We're not expecting him to do anything specific. He can evaluate his options and choose for himself. If he cares about the sexual past of the woman he ends up with, then he has to conduct himself accordingly, don't you think?

 

For every woman out there who cares about this issue, there is one that doesn't.

[Auguria]

This is starting to feel like a religious discussion. We have a 27 year old man who never was with a girl. You expect him to restrain himself from discovering something most of us take for granted, because in the future he might meet a girl and be judged for his deeds. Then again, he might never meet a girl and him restraining himself would mean he's gonna die a virgin, not because he wants to but because he was afraid of being judged. If someone has the misfortune of missing out on relationships and love during his life, I think it's be cruel to emotionally blackmail him into missing out on sex as well.

 

You might want to take a look at the whole discussion. This bit that you cherry picked was not in any case directed to OP. It is, indeed, an answer to Leigh who could not grasp why a woman could have a problem forming intimacy with man who had used escorts...

 

As for what I think about the OP and his future actions? I wrote Post 15 in this thread...

 

Ok.

 

I understand you. I understand your frustration, desire and willingness to, finally be done with your virginity. You're 27 years old.

 

Would I be in a relationship with a man who's used escorts in the past while he had options and had lost his virginity at a "reasonable" age according to social standards ? Absolutely not. It would simply mean that we had different values.

 

But, in your case, I think it's understandable. It's, I'd think, more than about having sex for you. It would also free you.

 

I would also answer honestly if a future girlfriend were to ask you. Honesty is, indeed, the most pivotal quality of a truly loving relationship.

 

As for the bolded part ... Yeah, bad luck. I'm an atheist.

[Arabella]

Not exactly. Assume he visits a prostitute once. Assume he meets a girl who had 2 previous relationships where she had intercourse. She had sex with more people, so does she have a right to judge him?

 

The only realistic case where someone would be right to judge him for visiting a prostitute once is if they are a virgin themselves.

 

... Nope. I think you're not understanding where we come from.

 

Most sexually conservative women such as myself don't necessarily care about the number of partners, but rather the TYPE.

 

For example, imagine two random 30 year old men... one has been in committed relationships with 5 women. The other has only had sex with two, but both were one-night stands, or FWB. The first would be far more desirable, everything else being equal.

 

Now, the other extreme of this would be engaging in serial monogamy without intent of forming long-term relationships. That's not a desirable scenario either. If a 30 year old man has been in , say, 25 "relationships", I'd run for the hills too

Edited August 23, 2013 by Arabella
clarification

[Arabella]

You're right, I don't understand that at all. All else being equal, if 5 women wanted to be in a relationship with guy number 1, that makes him by definition more desired than guy number 2, and it would make sense to prefer him. But then guy number 3 would be even more desired, which would make him the top choice, all else being equal.

 

Other than that, why would you ever choose a guy who had more sex over one who had less sex if you so badly want to judge and be judged on history with regards to sex?

 

edit:Or is there some kind of threshold (where you or society think that it's "the reasonable number") where guys with a lower number qualify and higher are out of question, but you prefer those with the highest number that still qualifies as they are more desirable than those with the lower numbers?

 

Again... it's about type of sex, not numbers. I don't want a man who has had casual sex (FWB, one-night stands, or escorts). Rather, I want one who has only had sex in the course of relationships that were meant to go the long run, but simply failed to make it that far.

 

Auguria explained it best on post #42 on page 3.