megall2 Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 (edited) Ok im 19, this craziness started a year ago to this day really. I met him online and I was so happy because he seemed so different and sweet, and he was older 11 years older. and now typing that out i see how crazy it is. but anyway here goes We started talking and he reveals that he is an alcoholic, but i accept him stupidly. he was different and i loved talking to him. but as soon as i let him in he lets me down. I ended contact first, cause he said something stupid. We werent dating really so i didnt care. But after a bit of sadness due to a break up in my life, i text him. hes just as sweet as ever and im happy, because to me hes a good catch. He was seeing someone else at this point but I didnt care, it was a fling and i wasnt committed. he talked a lot about not wanting a commitment and i just went along with it. but then he drops me and her, saying that he felt like he was using me and her, for sex. so i let him go. a month later i call him out of the blue, another break up with the same guy has happened in my life and im ready to move on. He's warm and inviting and its all great again. We get very close but then he says he needs a break from women. I dont agree and I cry and he stays. Things are fine and we re great til he leaves agin. He says he realizes he doesnt love me. I understand but i fight him on it. He says lets take a week apart and im like ok. So a week later he calls, i ignore him at first cause im tired of it, but i crack, he's back but he's different, hes relapsed and switched meds and soon he says he just cant do it anymore. he gets this stupid look in his eyes and i say fine. he says he'll call and i just nod. he calls a few days later and im like ughh, i ignore him again but then i call. we talk and meet up and things are good, but then im not sure i think he leaves because im embarrassing him. im too flirty and thsi time it seems like hes gone for good so i say whatever. I cry and everything but i dont dare call. Then he comes back a week and a half later and by now im so tired of all of this. He says hes realized he wants to stay and he curses himself for hurting me so much. and i dont want to open up but i do. He stays for a month but then he wants to leave because he cant handle my immaturity and im ****ing with his serenity. I fight him and he stays for another month. He leaves this last time because he doesn't think we are on the same plane. I know i should have seen his constant leaving as a sign that he really didnt want to be with me, but i saw his constant returns as an attachment and wanting to be with me. **** i dont know. i hate this cause now im crying again and it hurts, cause he's reactivated his dating profile days after leaving me. I dont understand why i was so worthless to him, what didnt i have to offer. and he saw me today at one of the aa meetings and he just kept on like i didnt even exist. and that crap hurt cause i know he saw me. and now i feel bad cause he probably thinks im stalking him. this all just makes me so sad. why cant he just stay, whats so wrong with me that im not good enough to be with!?! i just want him to feel what im feeling and come back and just miss me and not be able to leave. I couldnt have been the only one who felt something in that relationship!?? please help me Edited August 22, 2013 by megall2 spelling
lovesucks76 Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 Sorry that you're going through this. I really am! It's hard and I can tell you care about him......here's my humble 2 cents... A lot is wrong here to be honest: 1. You're too young for him and he's too old for you. You're 19 he 's 30!! totally different places in life. Seriously, you need to think college right now! 2. He obviously is not into you as much as you are into him. It sucks to say this. I'm sorry but I know from experience. 3. He has broken up with you a million times...he'll probably do it a million more times. Do you want that? 4. He's a player. If he was serious you would know by now. 5. He's unstable right now! He's a relapsing alcoholic and nothing good comes from this. He obviously needs to go back to his AA meetings, talk to a counselor or go to rehab again. You can't help him when he's struggling with his own demons. I would let him ago and actually I would avoid him. You need to work on YOU now. I realize you care for him and are attracted to him but he'll only break your heart again. How many times do you need to go through this? Good luck! 1
SincereOnlineGuy Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 Age is not the culprit in this one. His addiction is dominating the ups and downs of all you describe. Anyone serious about "AA" should know that he is to enter into no new romantic relationships coinciding with the early days of AA. And each time you come and go from his world, counts as a new relationship. As for you... while it is certainly and understandably flattering to draw the attention from an older guy, the young starlet who is so often the subject of that attention never has a fair vantage point from which to observe without bias the reasons why such an older guy is taking interest in such a younger woman. And those reasons are always there... and sometimes they remain a great match (girl with an absent father, and a guy who is harmlessly insecure, etc.) In this case, you should simply run away from his addiction, and keep on running... Make yourself a deal, when he can seemingly 'cure' his alcoholism and its effects on him, then and only then are you allowed to re-enter his life. A 19/F is among the most sought-after social set on the planet, so don't tell us that you can't upgrade. (even if it would take time and investment) 1
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