Author Bratpatrol Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 My gut feeling is he doesn't want you to get so mad you tell his wife. Please move on. I would never do that and he knows that. Plus, I graduated with his brother. And his younger sister. He knows I would never want that on my plate & or destroy his family. I could never take his kids away from him. I am moving on..I told him this morning I can't accept his offer for friendship. That this whole thing has made me feel like **** about myself, and I'm disgusted that I didn't have enough self respect to walk away.
Author Bratpatrol Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 Ya know, maybe I am "out of it".I feel like absolute **** today. I'm just sad. But the thing is..when he tells me yesterday that he thought that my letter was saying lets be friends.. IN NO WAY did the letter I sent him after seeing him imply I want to be ONLY FRIENDS. It was not a hey buddy! Haven't seen ya in years!!! Lets get a few brewskis & shoot the ****! No..I said this: When we made eye contact, It felt like it was only the two of us there in that moment. I wanted so bad to hug you , talk to you, I wanted to jump in your car and just unleash on you. Theres some kind of energy between us, It's scary, comfortable, intense, intriguing and I think really sexy and animalistic, I know you will just say you don't feel that, but you're eyes don't. & your eyes never have. maybe I'm a fool for writing this, and if it freaked you, was to much to take, or irritated you, sorry. I'd rather die with no regrets or what ifs, than die with. I don't know if you think of me, maybe you're relieved I'm gone so you don't have to deal, but I care & I wish things were different. I wish things started off on the right foot between us. even tho I can't be in your life. And one day This will only be a memory. I miss you.. And I wanted you to know that. I don't really see where he would get that.. And it's almost comical that he would even say that. Then to tell me that we can be friends..it's okay. no we can't. I can't be friends with you while I have these feelings.they won't go away..and he says yes they will. NOT while I am Your friend. And that's what I'm trying to say.. Yeesh. I don't get it. Then he said well, maybe you can move on and we can reconnect later.. Hmmm..well, I dk if that's even possible at this point. I'm just so humiliated. I sacrificed my self-worth for some MARRIED guy, who was my friend..I thought..but just strung me along and gave me glimmers of hope for his own selfish reasons. I feel better that I'm starting to see things more clearly. It hurts but I'll get through this.
waytogo Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 Ya know, maybe I am "out of it".I feel like absolute **** today. I'm just sad. But the thing is..when he tells me yesterday that he thought that my letter was saying lets be friends.. IN NO WAY did the letter I sent him after seeing him imply I want to be ONLY FRIENDS. It was not a hey buddy! Haven't seen ya in years!!! Lets get a few brewskis & shoot the ****! No..I said this: When we made eye contact, It felt like it was only the two of us there in that moment. I wanted so bad to hug you , talk to you, I wanted to jump in your car and just unleash on you. Theres some kind of energy between us, It's scary, comfortable, intense, intriguing and I think really sexy and animalistic, I know you will just say you don't feel that, but you're eyes don't. & your eyes never have. maybe I'm a fool for writing this, and if it freaked you, was to much to take, or irritated you, sorry. I'd rather die with no regrets or what ifs, than die with. I don't know if you think of me, maybe you're relieved I'm gone so you don't have to deal, but I care & I wish things were different. I wish things started off on the right foot between us. even tho I can't be in your life. And one day This will only be a memory. I miss you.. And I wanted you to know that. I don't really see where he would get that.. And it's almost comical that he would even say that. Then to tell me that we can be friends..it's okay. no we can't. I can't be friends with you while I have these feelings.they won't go away..and he says yes they will. NOT while I am Your friend. And that's what I'm trying to say.. Yeesh. I don't get it. Then he said well, maybe you can move on and we can reconnect later.. Hmmm..well, I dk if that's even possible at this point. I'm just so humiliated. I sacrificed my self-worth for some MARRIED guy, who was my friend..I thought..but just strung me along and gave me glimmers of hope for his own selfish reasons. I feel better that I'm starting to see things more clearly. It hurts but I'll get through this. There you go BP! You will get through this. I feel reading your post you are so far ahead in this time-,frame of making that decision and living than many. You're doing great dear girl! You mentioned self-worth. There were some posts that I think were well-meaning but did sound a little harsh to me. You kept your dignity with every reply and explained your emotions very well. Your self worth has plenty of reasons to be in tact As time goes by you don't contact him I'm certain you will feel better and better. There is so much good waiting for you. You do deserve it.
waytogo Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 Thank you waytogo Anytime! I do request updates from you big or little. I'm a milestone junkie I know you will be making plenty. Your strength shows even stronger than the confusion you've felt in a confusing situation. You have everything you need anyway, but I'm still pulling for you and cheering you on 1
Author Bratpatrol Posted August 24, 2013 Author Posted August 24, 2013 Ha..thanks. It's funny you say strength when I'm in bed being a complete eeyore. Lol I don't know why I fell in love with him. I wish I didn't. I am the most unselfish person and I'm so mad at myself for getting wrapped up in this. And now to top it off I feel like I made myself look like a crazy person. I know im really not crazy but, I feel that is how I am being perceived and it makes me absolutely sick. I've been in relationships before and never acted this way. I know, & said to him. That its sad because we were friends, and we both got in something over our heads. And bit of more than we could chew. I just wish he would hug me and say he was sorry? Lol i know that would never happen now but at one time it would have. I wish I meant something to him..I feel like I read all about these affair stories and its like oh, he fell in love, soulmates, she/he was there for me in a time of need. We became close etc, etc.. I can't even get a married man to tell me I meant anything. He to me that it wasn't about the sex,& that he felt a connection with me and he's always liked me.. He shouldn't of said that when he broke it off..then when we were friends he played on me saying I "listen" and I'm always there for him and nothing's getting better and he's so confused and blah blah.. Only for him to tell me MONTHS later he only said that because he didn't want to hurt me. Um, yeah..thanks. What a situation.
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