Author Star Gazer Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 How do you suggest someone in my shoes openly discuss this? Seriously. It's been two dates. I'm wondering if he's interested. This is not something to talk about with him. MrTurk: You liked this post, but I was being sarcastic. 1
MrTurk Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 I didn't realize you are an Aspie. No, no I will not be doing this. There's a reason why understanding social cues and norms is important. And of course all those cues and norms are nothing but games....like playing musical chairs with each other. I know thats the proper etiqutte in our society. To do the back and forth, give signs, and hope each other picks up on it. But I have never done it....never will. And I have flat out told women that I've dated if they play games its over. Communicate with me openly and everything will be fine. And EVERY woman I've dated has done it. You all just need to learn that people do not LIKE games. Everyone does it because they just assume they have to do it. Just like Star Gazer is assuming she cant dare be open with him. Stop living in the fear of what might happen....and for gods sake never fear your tongue.
MrTurk Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 MrTurk: You liked this post, but I was being sarcastic. Thats why I like it
SJC2008 Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 And of course all those cues and norms are nothing but games....like playing musical chairs with each other. I know thats the proper etiqutte in our society. To do the back and forth, give signs, and hope each other picks up on it. But I have never done it....never will. And I have flat out told women that I've dated if they play games its over. Communicate with me openly and everything will be fine. And EVERY woman I've dated has done it. You all just need to learn that people do not LIKE games. Everyone does it because they just assume they have to do it. Just like Star Gazer is assuming she cant dare be open with him. Stop living in the fear of what might happen....and for gods sake never fear your tongue. Ahh don't listen to the social cues and norms bs. People here always try to throw some crap they think you lack becuase of your exp or condition a la telling iirc that he doesn't create tension lol and you about social cues and norms, whatevs. People aren't direct becuae they're afraid. There are women 1 year+ into R's who have no idea what their BF feels about marriage lol is it that hard? OP let me ask you this: Did you look like you wanted to be kissed? They say the man approaches/makes the first move but the women already gives the "green light" before he does so!
Author Star Gazer Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 And of course all those cues and norms are nothing but games....like playing musical chairs with each other. I know thats the proper etiqutte in our society. To do the back and forth, give signs, and hope each other picks up on it. But I have never done it....never will. And I have flat out told women that I've dated if they play games its over. Communicate with me openly and everything will be fine. And EVERY woman I've dated has done it. You all just need to learn that people do not LIKE games. Everyone does it because they just assume they have to do it. Just like Star Gazer is assuming she cant dare be open with him. Stop living in the fear of what might happen....and for gods sake never fear your tongue. How's this advice working out for you, Turk? Not well, right?
tbf Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 And of course all those cues and norms are nothing but games....like playing musical chairs with each other. I know thats the proper etiqutte in our society. To do the back and forth, give signs, and hope each other picks up on it. But I have never done it....never will. And I have flat out told women that I've dated if they play games its over. Communicate with me openly and everything will be fine. And EVERY woman I've dated has done it. You all just need to learn that people do not LIKE games. Everyone does it because they just assume they have to do it. Just like Star Gazer is assuming she cant dare be open with him. Stop living in the fear of what might happen....and for gods sake never fear your tongue.There's a difference between games and swamping someone with TMI, right out the gate. While I'm sure you've been very blunt with the women you've dated and don't get uncomfortable with being informationally and emotionally swamped, neurotypicals don't handle dating, quite the same way. It's got less to do with fear and more to do with calibrating to the other person's social comfort level. An example would be that if I was sitting next to a business acquaintance, even after knowing them for years, I wouldn't be telling them about my anger towards political situation x or how good my husband is in bed and how we rattled the rafters last night. 4
DresdenKing Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 I'd say he either doesn't want to scare you off and is just waiting for you to give him a clearer cue so there's no chance of rejection, OR he's calculated and knows that by delaying kisses and sexual matters he's making you crave it more. You ended up posting about your desire for it here, after all. A guy knows as soon as he sees you, without even talking to you, if he wants to kiss you (and much more). Physical attraction is not just a cherry on top for us, it's the cake. The fact he showed interest in a 3rd date assures you there's nothing to worry about. No kiss after said 3rd date and you can't take it anymore, simply ask him if he's a good kisser through text/call. All will fall into place. 1
MrTurk Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 What do you have to lose? You don't ask and the situation falls apart due to the gorilla in the room. You do ask, and it either falls apart due to you being forward with him, OR it opens the right door and let's you both proceed forward. The only choice is too talk about it. I know women love these things to play out like some romantic novel, but expectations such as that tend to clash with reality
crude Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 He's asked you out twice, hugged you and given you two pecks on the cheek, now it's your turn to nail down a third date and give him a kiss. That puts him on the spot and makes him reveal more and signals to him that you want more. If you just want to stay cloaked and aloof and wait for only him to reveal any feelings, he's better off moving on. You haven't exactly driven him wild with desire, so no great loss. 1
Forever Learning Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 I'd say he either doesn't want to scare you off and is just waiting for you to give him a clearer cue so there's no chance of rejection, OR he's calculated and knows that by delaying kisses and sexual matters he's making you crave it more. You ended up posting about your desire for it here, after all. A guy knows as soon as he sees you, without even talking to you, if he wants to kiss you (and much more). Physical attraction is not just a cherry on top for us, it's the cake. The fact he showed interest in a 3rd date assures you there's nothing to worry about. No kiss after said 3rd date and you can't take it anymore, simply ask him if he's a good kisser through text/call. All will fall into place. Awesome insight throughout this post!! And I vote for this strategy: "No kiss after said 3rd date and you can't take it anymore, simply ask him if he's a good kisser through text/call. All will fall into place." I did something like this once, and got one of the all time best kisses of my life. Got some mighty fine oral action too, I might add 1
MrTurk Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 If anyone is familiar with the song Isn't this what we all want to feel ??? "You make me smile like the sun, fall out of bed Sing like bird, dizzy in my head Spin like a record, crazy on a Sunday night You make me dance like a fool, forget how to breathe Shine like gold, buzz like a bee Just the thought of you can drive me wild Oh, you make me smile But instead…when people meet…they do their best to NOT let the other person know how much they like them. Dropping infinitely subtle hints back and forth. "I dropped a hint…now it's his turn…no she needs to show me a sign…wait he better give me a sign tonight or this is it…back and forth!!! It's never ending. Have you forgot how hard it is finding someone that we like??? You have a guy right in front of you that you enjoy being with…swallow your pride, throw out the girl code manual, and kiss him! 2
Lansing Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 Personally I value kisses that "just happen" more than ones that are end of date/ let's kiss because it is expected type thing. I think that he may be waiting for the moment where it feels right vs. just kissing you for the sake of kissing you. I also get the sense that he may not think you are interested enough and that you may just be being friendly/etc. Sometimes a guy just needs to take a risk but if he has scared girls off before he might be more hesitant this time around. I think you are in a much better position with this guy vs. the type of guys you mention in your other recent thread being creepy. As a guy, I think about stories that female friends tell me about what they perceive as "creepy" and I become hesitant to make moves because I don't want to be perceived as one of those guys just looking to get in a girl's pants. 2
Author Star Gazer Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 I'd say he either doesn't want to scare you off and is just waiting for you to give him a clearer cue so there's no chance of rejection, OR he's calculated and knows that by delaying kisses and sexual matters he's making you crave it more. You ended up posting about your desire for it here, after all. A guy knows as soon as he sees you, without even talking to you, if he wants to kiss you (and much more). Physical attraction is not just a cherry on top for us, it's the cake. The fact he showed interest in a 3rd date assures you there's nothing to worry about. No kiss after said 3rd date and you can't take it anymore, simply ask him if he's a good kisser through text/call. All will fall into place. The last pseudo-relationship I was in went just this way; he purposefully held off until the 3rd date because he know it would drive me crazy. But he was also a big gamer. I hope this one isn't like that. 1
Author Star Gazer Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 He just sent me a sweet, thoughtful text. 2
MidwestUSA Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 He just sent me a sweet, thoughtful text. There ya go! I expect you to go in for the kill this weekend, and I expect a full report on Monday! 2
Author Star Gazer Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 There ya go! I expect you to go in for the kill this weekend, and I expect a full report on Monday! He's out of town, and I have guests (we already knew this, so I wasn't expecting/waiting on a date invite for the weekend)... so, it'll have to wait until next week. 1
Author Star Gazer Posted August 28, 2013 Author Posted August 28, 2013 Had our third date tonight... ...and our fourth and fifth are already lined up. How silly I was to worry... 13
Simon Phoenix Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 Nice. Now just settle down and don't let your brain get in the way of a good time 1
blueoak Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 (edited) It's common. It really could be just his personality. He might be shy or he might needs more signals from you to make sure he won't be reject. Some guys are afraid of rejection from women. They like to wait until they see enough signals, then they can be confident to take a further step. Just be patient. Update: didn't see your last update. Good to hear you had the third date and more are coming. So did he take that step? Edited August 28, 2013 by blueoak
Author Star Gazer Posted August 28, 2013 Author Posted August 28, 2013 So did he take that step? Mmhmm. 2
sillyanswer Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 Had our third date tonight... Yay! Bunnies! Told you so. :bunny: 2
Author Star Gazer Posted August 28, 2013 Author Posted August 28, 2013 Yay. Now I want all the details of the kiss. Nope. Not gonna share that level of detail. 1
MidwestUSA Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 Nope. Not gonna share that level of detail. Great, you're gonna force me back to another thread, a 35 pager. Thanks for nothing! 1
Treasa Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 Nope. Not gonna share that level of detail. Ok, at least tell me if there was tongue and groping, and I'll let it go.
Recommended Posts