sillyanswer Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 Two completely different opinions from two guys. :deepbreath: So at least one of us will be able to tell you "told you so" Flip a coin, and if you don't like the outcome turn it over. 1
Versacehottie Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 But yeah, try turning up the heat via text. Sometimes some people just need a little shove.... I like this>>>
Author Star Gazer Posted August 22, 2013 Author Posted August 22, 2013 (edited) The above poster. My point is that if those kinds of topics are coming up or frequent, maybe avoid them. I used to do it too, it's low hanging fruit on OLD dates to tell OLD horror stories, but it can be counterproductive. And that poster didn't state it accurately. As I said, it initially came up before he even asked me out for the first date, and I only mentioned that it had even come up because his reaction was one that told me he was a gentleman and he might be being super-gentlemanly because of how I described being put off by it (aka, don't treat me like a hoochie). It's clearly not an issue here in terms of him losing interest because of it, because he asked me out in spite of that for the first date, and then the second; not sure why you're trying to make it one? Forest for the trees, please? Edited August 22, 2013 by Star Gazer
Author Star Gazer Posted August 22, 2013 Author Posted August 22, 2013 So at least one of us will be able to tell you "told you so" Flip a coin, and if you don't like the outcome turn it over. Yeah, but I'll have to flip it over with someone else if it doesn't work...?
Author Star Gazer Posted August 22, 2013 Author Posted August 22, 2013 Also want to mention, without bringing the "P" acronym in, that in a past life as a stockbroker, we had something known as the "three call close." Basically, you cold-call a person with money to invest, they expect a hard sell. You tell them on the first call, "I don't really have a good opportunity right now, will call you later with one." Then a week later, call them again, "I still don't have anything, but just wanted to touch base and say hello." Still no hard sell. Then a few days later, "Katy bar the door! look what just came across my quotron machine!" One well-known WS brokerage firm that went bankrupt in the recession literally made billiions doing that same close to people over and over, lulls them into complaceny and trust by not making the hard sell. Now there is -absolutely nothing- to suggest, even a little bit, that this is what that guy is doing, but there is a parallel, and your thinking "why isn't he kissing me after date two?" is exactly how the investor feels on the phone, "why isn't he selling me something?" It keeps him in your mind and could even be considered a form of "neg." Just something to keep in mind, to repeat, odds are slim and none that this is what the guy is doing, but there is an interesting parallel. The point is to not let this behavior cloud your mind one way or the other. It seems like something substantive, like the stockbroker not hard-selling, but is really a triviality, with no reasonable conclusion possibile. He *is* in sales, but I don't think he's doing this, either consciously or subconsciously. He's either just moving slow because that's what he's comfortable with, or he's not that interested.
Ruby Slippers Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 I agree with dasein that discussion of cock shots or anything else crude just doesn't go on the first few dates. I get that it was to be funny - but would you really want to hear about the genitalia of your date's ex-date at that stage? It would be a huge turn-off for me. I try not to talk about exes or former dates at all for a while. At first, it should be all about us, and our connection. 3
Author Star Gazer Posted August 22, 2013 Author Posted August 22, 2013 I think this classifies as "slow burn". Relationships that started like that, always lasted longer for me. Crazy make outs on date 1 and constant texting usually fizzled out within weeks. Same experience for me, every time, ES. And every time, I am frustrated this same way.
MidwestUSA Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 Fingers crossed for ya. I'd tell you what I would do, but it will go against the general consensus. Oh, WTF, I'd ask him out for date #3. And also proceed to rectify that sex-on-the-third-date situation. And tell him about the girls too! Heck, go for the exclusivity/BF/GF talk. Did I miss anything? (Joking!, good luck!) don't overthink! 2
Author Star Gazer Posted August 22, 2013 Author Posted August 22, 2013 I agree with dasein that discussion of cock shots or anything else crude just doesn't go on the first few dates. I get that it was to be funny - but would you really want to hear about the genitalia of your date's ex-date at that stage? It would be a huge turn-off for me. I try not to talk about exes or former dates at all for a while. At first, it should be all about us, and our connection. Y'all are really jumping to major conclusions here, as though there was some big 'ole conversation about the other guy's penis. "What's the craziest thing you've experienced from OLD?" "Oh, receiving three unsolicited shots of his junk by the time I got home. Not something I ever want to experience again!" "WHAT??! Are you serious? Who would do that?!" "My thoughts exactly." End of subject.
Author Star Gazer Posted August 22, 2013 Author Posted August 22, 2013 Because your OP did not make it clear that the c-ck shot was pre date and not actual date conversation. It's helpful to read the thread before jumping to conclusions and making statements as though they're fact/something I said, which causes everyone to see your post, and agree, and it snowballs. You did the very same thing when you agreed with someone else who'd misstated what happened. I once was dating a woman early on who after sex the night before, decided to tell me about other men she had recently slept with from OLD and their odd sexual preferences, maybe because I was "vanilla" in preference? no idea. I told her that I wasn't interested in hearing that kind of thing, and she laughed at me and asked why it bothered me. I thought "wonder how she would react to similar talk from me?" at the time. But it was very much a turnoff and I didn't want to sex her again that night. My god, nothing even remotely close happened here! Not even analogous!
BluEyeL Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 I agree, OK, the talk wasn't on this date, but in general, I'd avoid any topics in which I appear like a victim or in an inferior position of any kind. Exes, OLD jerks, horor stories, problems and complications. For all I know, I have no problems whatsoever early on. It's all fun and roses.
Author Star Gazer Posted August 22, 2013 Author Posted August 22, 2013 No analogy intended. As three posters are telling you now, men aren't the only ones who should watch the topics in early dating. The point of my anecdote was that if you and I were talking, at any stage early before I knew you fairly well, and you brought up penis pictures from other OLD dates, I'd make a negative association with past experience, right or wrong, I would. Consider avoiding topics like that altogether. You have a giant chip on your shoulder for no reason whatsoever, which is also something people can sense as well and be a turnoff. In any event, good luck. Okay, dude. He brought it up. Every guy does. Whatevs. I think you're a little uptight about this.
Author Star Gazer Posted August 22, 2013 Author Posted August 22, 2013 Look Star, this all depends on what you want from this. Do you want to kiss him, or do you want him to kiss you. Understand your motives here and what outcome you want. If you want him to do the chase then you need to give him some indication he can catch you. If you're not bothered about that, then just kiss him. Either way, you have it in your power to influence the result, so stop over thinking every possible scenario. Carpe diem, girl. Carpe diem. I want to accurately understand his interest level. That doesn't seem possible at the present. Poop. Oops, I said poop. That's probably a huge turnoff too, right?
Author Star Gazer Posted August 22, 2013 Author Posted August 22, 2013 Fingers crossed for ya. I'd tell you what I would do, but it will go against the general consensus. Oh, WTF, I'd ask him out for date #3. And also proceed to rectify that sex-on-the-third-date situation. And tell him about the girls too! Heck, go for the exclusivity/BF/GF talk. Did I miss anything? (Joking!, good luck!) don't overthink! Ohhhhhh, yoooouuuuu! You had me going there for a second!
Author Star Gazer Posted August 22, 2013 Author Posted August 22, 2013 I agree, OK, the talk wasn't on this date, but in general, I'd avoid any topics in which I appear like a victim or in an inferior position of any kind. Exes, OLD jerks, horor stories, problems and complications. For all I know, I have no problems whatsoever early on. It's all fun and roses. And it was and has been. It's not some serious dire conversation; we're both laughing the entire time. So serious you folks are!
Author Star Gazer Posted August 22, 2013 Author Posted August 22, 2013 Is he worth the gamble? How would I know after two dates? But I guess I'm not gonna cry in my Cheerios if I take a chance and he rejects me... Blah. This is why I hate the initial stages of dating. It's such a...dance. And here I am doing the cha-cha when he might be trying to do a Venetian waltz, stepping on each other's toes!
tbf Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 Another vote for waiting it out. Never fear loss. 4
MrNate 2.0 Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 Another vote for waiting it out. Never fear loss. Two sentences, and a thousand things said underneath. A classic TBF response. 5
Author Star Gazer Posted August 22, 2013 Author Posted August 22, 2013 SG, I have followed one piece of advice that has never steered me wrong. I'm like Ruby Slippers (and I sense you are the same). Obviously women get flack on LS about this, but whatevs - it's worked for me. In the beginning - DO NOTHING. That's right. A guy is going to do whatever he wants, and no amount of prodding, poking or pushing is going to change his mind about you. I think your gut is already telling you this. I always remember this when I'm put in a position like you are. When I remain calm in myself and let the man come to me in his own way and own time, he either does or he doesn't. And I'm not left wondering. His actions tell me all I need to know. Men will always do what they want. When he wants YOU, you'll know it and feel so good that you allowed him the space and freedom to choose you all on his own. I think you'll love this article. In fact his entire blog is great. The Most Important Dating Advice You?ll Ever Hear ? Don?t Do Anything | Evan Marc Katz Blog - Dating Coach I agree with you, and perhaps Evan in this instance, but in other pieces, he has written some of the worst advice I've ever read.
MrNate 2.0 Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 Speaking personally, if I'm getting nothing from the girl, I'm LESS likely to keep coming. You lasses have to chuck us a bone at least. .... but what about that she's still going on dates with you? And being rather engaging in conversations? Though there was nothing wrong with this statement. 1
MrNate 2.0 Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 I'm not saying sit there like a bump on a log. Of course need men need encouragement. I'm always enthusiastic when my dude plans a date, and after a few months and being exclusive, I'm doing about half the planning now. But after two dates? Aw HAIL NAW. He initiated dates, texts, our first kiss, you name it. I never acted "too busy" or waited 48 hours to text him back or any of that nonsense. He KNEW I was into him. I never got mixed signals and now he's my boyfriend. hahaha:lmao: 2
ForeverHopeful1 Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 Tons of lively conversation (per usual), he picked our wine and our dinners (perfect!), quickly grabbed the check, made slight references to places we can go in the future... but the date ended with a kiss on the cheek followed by a bear hug outside the front of the restaurant, and him saying, "Let me know if you want to do it again." I'd hoped he'd walk me to my car and we'd do the awkward "are ya gonna kiss me, or not?" dance, ultimately ending with a smoochie smooch, but no dice! He is a total gentleman though (and I'd told him about the last guy who sent me cock shots, so he might be acting on his best behavior right now...?)... I texted him when I got home to thank him again and let him know what a good time I had, and he responded in kind... so, we'll see? But no kiss at the end makes me go Am I being ridiculous? Never unestimate a man who respects you. I don't know that there is a specific timeline here as to when he should kiss you. If by date 3-5 you haven't even pecked, I would forget about him though. Right now, he is being respectful. So, yes, you're being ridiculous. I mean that in the nicest way possible. Hehehe. Hang in there. 3
thefooloftheyear Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 Many women assume that ALL men WILL chase...Its simply not true, some will view it as a lack of interest and just wind up shutting down... So then it winds up the proverbial "Mexican Standoff"...Who is going to make the move? It doesnt always have to be a game...Sometimes you just need to ask someone what they are doing and what they want.. Believe me I am no expert..Its just one mans opinion. TFY 2
Author Star Gazer Posted August 22, 2013 Author Posted August 22, 2013 Wait. Throw a bone. Wait. Throw a bone. I'm on a teeter totter here! Gals say wait. Guys say bone. (Haha!) Hmmmmmm. 1
thefooloftheyear Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 Never unestimate a man who respects you. I don't know that there is a specific timeline here as to when he should kiss you. If by date 3-5 you haven't even pecked, I would forget about him though. Right now, he is being respectful. So, yes, you're being ridiculous. I mean that in the nicest way possible. Hehehe. Hang in there. With all due respect, since when is not going for a goodbye kiss after a date considered being gentlemanly? Id think most women might find it a bit "un manly", but I am not a woman so I cant answer. I would think that an ass grab or something might be considered un gentlemanly(early on), but not a goodbye kiss.. TFY 2
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