FateAwaits Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 Has anyone dated a man who has the best manners but a raging temper? He always open my car door, always pays the bills wherever we go, never dares to burp or pass gas in front of me and is extremely embarrassed if he does, he even pulls out my chair at every restaurant, he loves to cuddle and kiss and tell me how much he loves me - yet when his temper rears it's head, he is quick to get an inch from my face and yell at me at the top of his lungs as if I was a man threatening his life, he has called me a whore, slut, bitch, cunt, even choked me and if I am wearing a baseball hat during arguments he will hit my bill and knock my hat off my head, if he 'accidentally' hits my cheek he blames it on my hat, that he tried to hit my hat but hit my face instead. During arguments if I do not look at him, he will demand, "LOOK AT ME!" as if I am a child. Has anyone dated a man who was polar opposite? How can a man be so loving and have perfect manners yet turn into a demon once he becomes angry?
coffeebean201 Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 getting angry is ok. getting angry at you is not so ok, especially if it is starting to get rough. why not teach him to go cool off with a promise to talk later. I would take the choking seriously.
violetsareviolet Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 Has anyone dated a man who has the best manners but a raging temper? He always open my car door, always pays the bills wherever we go, never dares to burp or pass gas in front of me and is extremely embarrassed if he does, he even pulls out my chair at every restaurant, he loves to cuddle and kiss and tell me how much he loves me - yet when his temper rears it's head, he is quick to get an inch from my face and yell at me at the top of his lungs as if I was a man threatening his life, he has called me a whore, slut, bitch, cunt, even choked me and if I am wearing a baseball hat during arguments he will hit my bill and knock my hat off my head, if he 'accidentally' hits my cheek he blames it on my hat, that he tried to hit my hat but hit my face instead. During arguments if I do not look at him, he will demand, "LOOK AT ME!" as if I am a child. Has anyone dated a man who was polar opposite? How can a man be so loving and have perfect manners yet turn into a demon once he becomes angry? run, don't walk. don't ever stick around for someone who belittles you verbally, let alone lays a finger on you. no woman deserves this. 10
CrystalCastles Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 he is quick to get an inch from my face and yell at me at the top of his lungs as if I was a man threatening his life, he has called me a whore, slut, bitch, cunt, even choked me and if I am wearing a baseball hat during arguments he will hit my bill and knock my hat off my head, if he 'accidentally' hits my cheek he blames it on my hat, that he tried to hit my hat but hit my face instead. During arguments if I do not look at him, he will demand, "LOOK AT ME!" as if I am a child. WAAAAAT? This is NOT love. There is nothing that you wrote that shows that he loves you. A man who truly loves his woman will never lay a finger on her, in anger or otherwise. Run. Far away. And don't look back. 6
Author FateAwaits Posted August 22, 2013 Author Posted August 22, 2013 Easily. Every person has two sides, some nastier than others. Do you think all abusers are vicious and cruel 100% of the time? The majority of them are not, this is how they continue the cycle of abuse. He is sweet one day (or hour, minute, etc) then violent and aggressive the next. But out of all questions you should be asking yourself about this situation, this is probably of the least importance. Why you're putting up with it is the real issue here. Oh, let me guess, it's because he's sweet all those other times. No, he is not "sweet" all those other times. He is a normal man.
Author FateAwaits Posted August 22, 2013 Author Posted August 22, 2013 getting angry is ok. getting angry at you is not so ok, especially if it is starting to get rough. why not teach him to go cool off with a promise to talk later. I would take the choking seriously. I did take the choking seriously, he went to jail for it. He is 46 years old, I cannot "teach" him to cool off with a promise to talk later.
Author FateAwaits Posted August 22, 2013 Author Posted August 22, 2013 Sounds miserable. I was married to a girl who pulled this kind of crap on me. When we would get in arguments she would get an inch from my face and yell and scream saying, "WHAT? YOU WANNA HIT ME?! WHY DON'T YOU HIT ME AND SHOW ME WHAT A REAL MAN YOU ARE!!" Should add that I never touched her, though, she would shove me or hit my arm on occasion. Flipping the hat off is an intimidation thing, letting you know how close he is to beating you up. If you aren't married, I'd say walk away. Maybe all of the etiquette stuff makes him feel better about the way he treats you when he is angry. True. Thank you for your input. He does throw that in my face, that he treats me like "a princess" and that erases his temper and abuse.
Author FateAwaits Posted August 22, 2013 Author Posted August 22, 2013 Why is this even a question? Obviously I want advice and opinions, otherwise I wouldn't be wasting my time here.
2sunny Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 He's a typical abuser - nice, really nice because he has to offset his abuse. Please leave him - or your life will be miserable - I guarantee it. Stop allowing him in your life. Cut off all communication ASAP. 6
Author FateAwaits Posted August 22, 2013 Author Posted August 22, 2013 He's a typical abuser - nice, really nice because he has to offset his abuse. Please leave him - or your life will be miserable - I guarantee it. Stop allowing him in your life. Cut off all communication ASAP. thank you. I appreciate it.
Author FateAwaits Posted August 22, 2013 Author Posted August 22, 2013 People are normally nice when they aren't doing something that isn't nice. In your case he's nice when he's not making you feel like he's about to beat the crap out of you. Why would you send the man to jail than stay with him? It would have been better for both of you if you just left him and didn't send him to jail. I guess it will have to be prison that splits you two up. I left him about 3 months ago. 4
SmileFace Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 Obviously I want advice and opinions, otherwise I wouldn't be wasting my time here. Advice on what my dear? On the reason why you stayed with someone who was physically abusing you? What caused you to stay in the situation? You have left him so that is good. The reason he acts this way is irrelevant in my opinion. The only thing you need to figure out is why you accepted it. You are out of the situation so it will be easy to reflect. Don't make his problems your own. Figure out how you can do better and move on. 1
emva07 Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 Abusive people have to sides to them, the sweet and the sour to counterbalance (like everyone already said) and so you feel guilty of your actions when he acts violent. He's so nice to me....maybe I DID provoke him? Look for a man who is "normal" ALL the time. Good thing you broke up with him, you don't deserve him taking out his inscurities and bad morals out on you. Women with men like this always ends up bad. These women end up in the ER (or dead), next thing you know he's bringing her roses. Very two faced.
emva07 Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 Who would've thought that holding archaeic beliefs regarding gender relationships might have a less pleasant side. and yet A LOT of people still do it. :/
BluEyeL Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 (edited) Has anyone dated a man who has the best manners but a raging temper? He always open my car door, always pays the bills wherever we go, never dares to burp or pass gas in front of me and is extremely embarrassed if he does, he even pulls out my chair at every restaurant, he loves to cuddle and kiss and tell me how much he loves me - yet when his temper rears it's head, he is quick to get an inch from my face and yell at me at the top of his lungs as if I was a man threatening his life, he has called me a whore, slut, bitch, cunt, even choked me and if I am wearing a baseball hat during arguments he will hit my bill and knock my hat off my head, if he 'accidentally' hits my cheek he blames it on my hat, that he tried to hit my hat but hit my face instead. During arguments if I do not look at him, he will demand, "LOOK AT ME!" as if I am a child. Has anyone dated a man who was polar opposite? How can a man be so loving and have perfect manners yet turn into a demon once he becomes angry? I don't know about polar oposite, this one sounds like an abuser you need to RUN away from, leaving skid marks in the parking lot. Edit: I see that you left him. Good for you. Edited August 22, 2013 by BluEyeL
FemmeMystere Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 (edited) Has anyone dated a man who has the best manners but a raging temper? He always open my car door, always pays the bills wherever we go, never dares to burp or pass gas in front of me and is extremely embarrassed if he does, he even pulls out my chair at every restaurant, he loves to cuddle and kiss and tell me how much he loves me - Dated a guy who was just like this, too. Impeccable manners - he wouldn't let me touch a door, paid for everything, was so affectionate, always told me I was beautiful, my friends and family loved him. And not a single burp, fart or ball scratch in my presence. He was dreamy, and as far as I was concerned, I was his future wife. yet when his temper rears it's head, he is quick to get an inch from my face and yell at me at the top of his lungs as if I was a man threatening his life Yeah, he tried that with me... once. I quietly stood there as he yelled, blew up, and called me out of my name, standing inches away from my face. He even raised his hand at me. Okay, I'm tiny - 5'2.5 and 100 lbs soaking wet. Here he was, 6'3 and threatening me like I was a man his size. When he was finished raging I looked up at him as if he were simply a child that had thrown a temper tantrum, and I was his mommy. I calmly asked him if he was done. He said "yeah." I smiled, touched his cheek gently and said "You're so handsome when you're angry." He looked confused, then nervous. I said "First off, I understand you're upset. But what you need to understand is that I don't keep a butcher block full of knives in the kitchen simply because I'm a cooking enthusiast." I backed into the kitchen, still smiling. He looked frozen in terror. I pulled my biggest Wusthof out of the block, and studied it. In the most saccharine sweet voice I could muster, I said " Ooh, and it's really sharp. If you don't get your sh*t, and get the f*ck out of my apartment..." I looked up at him. "...I can't be responsible for what happens to that face of yours, sweetheart." You should have seen how fast he got out of there. He was grumbling "you wouldn't hurt me," but I bet he got the heck out of my house! For good measure, I stood on my balcony laughing maniacally, still holding the knife as I watched him peel out of the parking lot His temper only needed to "rear its head" once. I'm not afraid of being hit. I'm more concerned about what I'll do to him if he's ever stupid enough to put his goddamn hands on me. I'm not condoning my behavior or suggesting that anyone do what I did. There's something about being threatened with physical violence that makes me a little insane The point I'm trying to make is, at the FIRST sign of aggression or hostility, you kick them to the curb IMMEDIATELY. It is NEVER okay for someone to call you such disgusting, disrespectful words - guess what? That's abuse too! Cut off all contact solidly, no second chances. Abusive people are insanely good at explaining their violent behavior away, and you'll believe they've "changed" because you love them so much that you want it to be true. Don't even give him a chance to get into your head. My advice? Dump the f*cker already! He's gradually warming you up to his abuse. It's only a matter of time before the "accidental" hitting turns into full-on battery. How bad does it have to get before you leave him? Are you going to have kids with him so he can beat them too? You come first. It's going to be hard, but trust me, there are too many good men out there who will GLADLY value you and treat you with kindness and respect. Don't waste anymore of your life on this abusive, sociopathic freak. ETA: I see you broke up with him. Kudos. Edited August 22, 2013 by FemmeMystere
stillafool Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 I left him about 3 months ago. Great news. Now just stop thinking about him and when you do thank God you are not with him anymore.
Treasa Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 Please read up on classic abusers...and leave this guy pronto. Change your number, change your email address, do whatever you have to do, and get away from him.
jma500 Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 (edited) I left him about 3 months ago. Thank god. This man is a ticking time bomb. I had a tenant like this plus a complete control freak but only with his wife. One weekend he savagely beat her. I found out from another tenant. She never spoke of it with me nor did she call the police. She came to pay the rent a couple of days later and, though she tried to hide them, her black eyes and bruises were evident. I kept hoping she would ask me for help but she didn't. He ended up being killed in a motorcycle accident. She sat in my office crying over him like he was wonderful. She had no idea I knew. I felt so bad for her. Shortly thereafter she took her two babies and moved away. There is no excuse for abusing a woman. Ever. Edited August 22, 2013 by jma500 1
superchick Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 Has anyone dated a man who has the best manners but a raging temper? Has anyone dated a man who was polar opposite? How can a man be so loving and have perfect manners yet turn into a demon once he becomes angry? No, he's a man you stop dating the very moment he pulls that s*** on you.
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