TheZebra Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 Hey guys, long time no post. Been really busy. Anyways... my ex and I were together for 5 years. Great connection. In the last few months things weren't going as well; he was distant and I was making big steps to my career so I was busier than usual. Instead of trying to improve things, he just gave up and broke things off. I was obviously heart-broken because I really had given everything of myself for the relationship. What pisses me off now is that I realize everything I did for him and how he made so many promises and no follow up. We were long distance for 3 years while he went to grad school and I always supported him through all his downs. He was having a hard time adjusting to his new town, had panic attacks often the first few months, and even had to see a therapist. I was by his side the whole time. Whenever I wanted us to take some time away (you know, a vacation), he would always say he was too busy and promise me later we would. It was always later. After first year, second year, after getting a job, etc. The excuses were always the same - time and money. As soon as he moves back and gets a 6 figure job... he breaks up with me. It just irks me. I'm sure it was a coincidence, but the fact that he made so many promises to support me after he was done with his stuff, and now I get nothing, just bugs me. Even after we broke up he made promises. 'We'll stay friends' = Bull****, he never contacted me first. 'I'll help you pay for X; it's only fair' = Bull****, made that promise never followed up. 'I got you a xmas present' = Bull****, said he'd come by my house, never did. I don't understand. When we were together, we were best of friends, inseparable, and now it's like he doesn't even know me. Now, he was never objectively an attractive guy. I loved him because of him, but all of my female friends always told me I was prettier than him (lol?). Even he admitted it. Looking back, before he dated me he made some terrible relationship mistakes because, as he described it, he was lonely. Dated some terrible women; not that long of a relationship, etc. When we started to fall for each other, he already asked me to be his girlfriend on technically our first date. I liked him so I never saw that as weird, but now I see the desperation. Why do I mention this? Only a few moths after we break up, he suddenly has a new girlfriend. I'm thinking desperation (again), since he's not that attractive of a dude, and his new girlfriend's not off the charts either. Whatever, some people just can't be alone. But this irks me further because while I was with him through all the hard ****, the distance, the everything..... she gets to reap the benefits of it all. It's just not fair. Now that he has time and money, I'm here in the sidelines, and she's there enjoying everything. Great. Since we broke up I've done several things to make my life better. I worked harder and got promoted, got a huge bonus and raise, got a dog, learned how to surf, went overseas to a completely different country, climbed a mountain.... but then I log into FB and see him posting about random accomplishments too. It somehow topples everything I've done in one fell swoop. In my head I'm thinking 'isn't the "bad guy" supposed to be doing bad?' That's the lesson I've learned not just from hollywood, but from people around me... the jerk in the relationship always does poorly but he seems to be doing just wonderfully. I know all of this probably sounds terrible, but I've been having a bad day and seeing one of these FB posts just sets me off. Feel free to criticize my line of thinking - I KNOW it's toxic and I hate it. I guess what it boils down to is - 'he broke up with me and I wasn't the first the just into a new relationship'. I keep feeling I got the short end of the stick... but I have to convince myself I didn't. It's just hard. /end
Sparkle304 Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 I can completely understand your frustration!!! It's like you put the work into building and remodeling the house, but then some other person gets to live in it! It's not fair, it's just not fair! But as you're probably well aware, the only way to get through this is to take a deep breath and let it go. You seem like an intelligent and accomplished woman. Although you see his recent activities as surpassing yours, take a look at your own successes and realize how great they are.
Els Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 Welcome back, Zebra. I can definitely see why you're pissed. It isn't fair - life rarely is. I think, though, that leopards rarely change their spots. Yes, his new gf is in better circumstances with him... but he's still the same person. Ungrateful, can't keep a promise to save his life, etc. Hard times will come for them, as they do for all of us. How do you think he will react to that? Probably the same way he reacted with you. It's easier said than done, but I think remaining angry at someone after a year is just giving them way too much control over you. They may have ****ed up your past, but you can't allow them to continue to **** up your present. Let it go, focus on yourself. There are guys out there who don't use and dispose.
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