random_guy Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 I haven't been friendzoned, so I want to know (ladies especially here): Is it just a softer rejection? Is it a deliberate manipulation tactic? Is it actually like that? I've seen the first 2 but not the third, both explicitly told; there's no uncertainty in these words
kaylan Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 Yes its real. Its a zone for people you want to have a platonic interpersonal relationship with. 1
Author random_guy Posted August 22, 2013 Author Posted August 22, 2013 I get trapped in the friend zone. I'm just too nice and girls don't want to date me but be friends with me. If only I was a bad boy who enjoyed licking the tears off of girls faces after making them cry. Than they wouldn't want to be just friends but date me. dat stereotyping 3
Jbum5 Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 It's only real when the other party is not interested (at least initially). Many relationships have stemmed from friendships so 'friendzone' is really a term used by those to describe how the other party just isn't into them.
happydate Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 I haven't been friendzoned, so I want to know (ladies especially here): Is it just a softer rejection? Is it a deliberate manipulation tactic? Is it actually like that? I've seen the first 2 but not the third, both explicitly told; there's no uncertainty in these words You need to know that a woman usually scope out a man 90 secs to 5 mins when she first meets him to determine if he's relationship quality. So a man has to find out if she's truly into him or not. Women don't put men into a friend zone. It is nice guys who did it to themselves. Women are more than happy to have guys running around being their doormat. Only nice guys who are people pleasers tend to end up becoming their doormat. If a woman isn't into you, you ought to know that. If you insist in trying to score her, then it's your fault placing yourself into her friend zone. Some women love to flirt and be all close and heavy only to score a platonic relationship with men -- use them for their chores like fixing the car, computer, house etc... These women get free repairs and work and the men would do all that thinking they can score the women through the back door routine. This does not work.
string of letters Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 I haven't been friendzoned, so I want to know (ladies especially here): Is it just a softer rejection? Is it a deliberate manipulation tactic? Is it actually like that? Not a lady, a but a few thoughts. Do you specifically mean the concept that there's window of time within which a male need to ask a woman out, otherwise there's some aspect of her psychology which will make it difficult to picture him as anything more than a friend if he waits too long? It's a hypothesis about relations between the sexes, but I think anyone who beats themselves up thinking "I got friendzoned because I didn't ask her out quickly enough" is probably wasting energy. Some ideas are kind of insidious because they're hard to falsify. You can't 'disprove' Freud's concept of the Oedipal concept, but barely anyone believes it anymore - not of course because it's been proven false but because with the passage of time it seems ridiculous. Does anyone know where the concept originated? If it was developed or popularized by PUA types, I would be very suspicious. They literally have a vested interest in simple black and white concepts like this and it helps them to sell books, increase their social stature among males who believe in PUA but have less 'game', and so on. I've noticed that no women have yet come forth in this thread and said something like 'Well, I was really interested in this one guy, but because it took him a few weeks to ask me out, I lost interest'. For whatever that's worth.
todreaminblue Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 no for some women they have to know a guy pretty well before they date him and you should only date people who you could be friends with in my opinion if it is just about sex, i understand why that might make guys feel frustrated they want it sooner rather than say after marriage....lol....... i look at it this way...how is it any form of rejection when a female wants to be your friend it is acceptance that you are a person they want as a friend if feelings develop mutually over time then you have a possible long lasting relationship building........if it isnt all abotu the sex.....then friendship is a good place to start, spend time together , have some fun share some laughs, explore new places together, without the worry of being rejected on both sides........getting to know a guy or a woman for that matter better before you move on to date.....you know you are compatible...deb
string of letters Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 No. It's an artificial construct created by people who wish to put the blame on the other person for not living up to the hopes and expectations of someone. After I wondered aloud where the term friendzone originated, I googled it (it was surprisingly easy to find an answer, assuming that knowyourmeme.com was correct on this one - and in the past I've found their research pretty thorough). They say it was coined on the American sitcom 'Friends' in 1994. Unless you think the writers of such shows have deep, profound insights into the human psyche that are ahead of their times (I personally do not), then this would pretty much make it an artificial construct from day one.
Skyraider829 Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 Some ideas are kind of insidious because they're hard to falsify. You can't 'disprove' Freud's concept of the Oedipal concept, but barely anyone believes it anymore - not of course because it's been proven false but because with the passage of time it seems ridiculous. If its been falsified then you can essentially equate that, in a practical sense - to being disproven. Besides, was the Freudian concept of the Oedipus Complex even really "proved" in the first place? It seems everything with psychodynamics was sexual in origin. I don't think it does too well in close-quarter social contexts. Not a lady, a but a few thoughts. Do you specifically mean the concept that there's window of time within which a male need to ask a woman out, otherwise there's some aspect of her psychology which will make it difficult to picture him as anything more than a friend if he waits too long? It's a hypothesis about relations between the sexes, but I think anyone who beats themselves up thinking "I got friendzoned because I didn't ask her out quickly enough" is probably wasting energy. An interesting question to pose is: Let's say a woman has never heard of the so-called "friendzone" and neither has a guy, yet they meet and have a mutual attraction but the guy is reluctant to ask due to the possibility of rejection. Would that hypothetical time frame really play any role at all? Or would she be receptive to his request at any time in the future? Fast foward, and say the two meet again - however, they both have heard and read about being "friend-zoned" through social sites and friends and they relate each other's actions from the previous meeting to being akin to what they had read and heard about in regard to what happens if you are put in the friendzone by a person you like. Then will the so-called time frame pop into the picture with the effect that it carries? Probably so. Why wouldn't a girl be able to interpret his delays as meaningful delays, because he is hard on himself to find just the right way and time to ask her out? It doesn't have to be seen as "Well, he's taking too long, he just doesn't want anything to do with me." at all. But it seems better to assume the worst rather than the best "just in case" with most individuals. People shouldn't be pressured by the time factor. That was a good question.
waiting4u Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 I think sometimes girls just want male attention without the problems of a relationship - it's kind of like casual sex for women without the sex. Or I guess you could look at it that way. It's a bit manipulative. 1
MrCastle Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 Yes it's real. But only you can allow yourself to be placed in it. I think sometimes girls just want male attention without the problems of a relationship - it's kind of like casual sex for women without the sex. Or I guess you could look at it that way. It's a bit manipulative. Yeah. There are several reasons and motivations behind friendzoning someone and this is one of them. Not all women do this, but let's not sit here and pretend that there aren't a considerable number of women in the teens to twenty range that string a guy along because they love using him for an ego boost. Text messages, facebook likes, blind unrequited loyalty, free dinners and movies. An emotional outlet to complain about the men they're actually screwing. Those women exist. Other women say "let's just be friends" as a way to reject the man, because they don't know how else to say it, and the man still doesn't get the hint and sticks around hoping some day to gain her love. And then others genuinely want to start off as friends and take things slow before getting involved with a man. This is different in the sense that while they are not intimate, the potential is there, she respects him as a man and not a dickless, spineless girly boy, and displays signs of romantic interest. 1
lop98 Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 I've "friendzoned" guys before, it was usually a mix of not enough attraction and a big red flag I spotted and might've even forgotten but that made me press full stop right away. Why keeping him around? well, one guy in particular was incredibly interesting, all the conversations I was never able to have with friends about things I was passionate about, he was down with it and he knew so much and really shed some light on these topics, I respected him so much in that aspect, and he taught me a lot... he was shy, not really expressive when it came to more personal matters and the few times he talked about girlfriends, he sounded like a selfish jerk, so I figured he had pressed "full stop" with me too and was happy with our friendship. Turned out, he wasn't, he tried to get past "friends" territory years later and I thought hell no and he went NC for a couple years, then he was back, this time more confident, hotter, I fell really hard for some inexplicable reason and turned out, he was a selfish jerk. Friendzone limits are real for me, but I don't think it's fair for any party... it's best to slowly just walk away for good.
ThaWholigan Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 So what if you're quite happy to stay friends with a girl even if you would bang her? If the friendzone does not bother you at all and you don't have a problem maintaining a platonic friendship?
nescafe1982 Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 No. It's an artificial construct created by people who wish to put the blame on the other person for not living up to the hopes and expectations of someone. ^ Yes. This precisely. As another poster also said, "It's real if you believe in it enough." It's a jilted lover's projection of his/her sexual frustration and insecurity onto the object of his desire. Most stereotypically, people who use this term have a romantic worldview defined by a narrative of self-victimization, eg. "nice guy syndrome." Of course, many people use the term without intending this connotation at all. But the term is loaded nonetheless because it ties into a deeply narcissistic view of what dating is all about. I avoid it as a result.
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