iceisles Posted November 9, 2004 Posted November 9, 2004 This one is mostly for the ladies - most times, when a guy you don't know that well uses your first name in a casual greeting, do you take that as a sign of flirting? For example, there's this girl at work I kinda like, and when I walk by and say "hey" followed by her name, she gives me that "Do you like me?" smile (you know the one I'm talking about. lol). I know it's different when you are close friends, but is calling someone you just casually know by their first name a simple, effective way to flirt?
Naive Posted November 10, 2004 Posted November 10, 2004 Are you sure it's not the, "are you a stalker" smile? JK it all depends how you say it.
Author iceisles Posted November 10, 2004 Author Posted November 10, 2004 Originally posted by naive_2001 Are you sure it's not the, "are you a stalker" smile? JK it all depends how you say it. Lol. I say it very politely, accompanied with a smile. I have had brief, casual conversations (2 or 3 minutes, tops) with her, so we aren't complete strangers. The problem I have is that she works in the same department as me. I'm not going to let that stop me from pursuing her, but obviously my flirting has to be a little less obvious but effective nonetheless. Someone once told me that using someone's first name is a sign of respect, and I was kind of curious if it also has some usefulness with flirting.
Naive Posted November 10, 2004 Posted November 10, 2004 It shows the person that you pay attention. That you care enough to know what that person's name is. That shows their is interest. Now you have to add more things to that so she won't think it's just a friendly interest.
tokyo Posted November 10, 2004 Posted November 10, 2004 Using a name in a conversation is a trick It makes the other person feel more conformtable and gives the impression that there´s a special bond between you. People like to hear their name. There´s also another trick, I think it´s called mirroring, you kind of "imitate" the other person´s movements, but in a very very subtle way, that also creates a certain feeling of companionship and intimacy. All this just works if she´s not aware of it, of course, hehehe. Know the weapons of the enemy
Author iceisles Posted November 10, 2004 Author Posted November 10, 2004 Originally posted by naive_2001 It shows the person that you pay attention. That you care enough to know what that person's name is. That shows their is interest. Now you have to add more things to that so she won't think it's just a friendly interest. What would you suggest, though? I mean, I work with her everyday, so I don't feel I can do my standard approach of asking her if she'd like to hang out sometime. If I knew some of her friends, I could drop hints with them, but they (much like her) are a new wave of employees and therefore I don't even know their names. What are some things I can do to carefully show that I am interested without making our work situation too awkward? Thanks for your help.
tokyo Posted November 10, 2004 Posted November 10, 2004 Talk with her, drop her name occasionally during the conversation, look her in the eyes and if she doesn´t look away - go for it.
Author iceisles Posted November 10, 2004 Author Posted November 10, 2004 Originally posted by kooky Using a name in a conversation is a trick It makes the other person feel more conformtable and gives the impression that there´s a special bond between you. People like to hear their name. There´s also another trick, I think it´s called mirroring, you kind of "imitate" the other person´s movements, but in a very very subtle way, that also creates a certain feeling of companionship and intimacy. All this just works if she´s not aware of it, of course, hehehe. Know the weapons of the enemy Thanks for the post, kooky. I think I am pretty good at "mirroring" - it's something I've been doing for a long time and have found it quite effective. This may sound strange (and maybe it is), but when I greet her by name, I usually get a different, almost pensive kind of look. It's the kind of look I'd nonchalantly give someone that said, "Hey Dave" when I really didn't know them.
Author iceisles Posted November 10, 2004 Author Posted November 10, 2004 Originally posted by kooky Talk with her, drop her name occasionally during the conversation, look her in the eyes and if she doesn´t look away - go for it. That's what I've been doing so far. How about offering to do some of her work now and then? That might be a nice gesture on my part. I may decide to pose this same question to one of my co-workers in the hopes that they will "accidentally" mention that I was asking about her. All of my co-workers in my unit are women, and they like to talk a lot - I highly doubt my secret will stay that way for long. Lol. My biggest concern is that I don't want to make her uncomfortable with my pursuit, as that would be incredibly awkward for both of us.
tokyo Posted November 10, 2004 Posted November 10, 2004 Ok, Dave (hint, hint ), I wouldn´t offer to do her work. I mean, she´s not sick or so, don´t do that. She´s got her job to do. Period. Unless, she´s trying to handle something really heavy or asks you for help I wouldn´t do it. You would like the kind of nice guy that is a little bit too nice. If you think she needs help you can ask casually, but really, do not start running after her and do her favors. I think, if you are using her name often, she´ll get the hint. Most people don´t do this, but if you do, it will stick out. Plus the look-me-in-the-eye-babe, should be enough I guess. Unless she´s totally she´ll get the hints that you are dropping and try to appear open for any invitations for coffee or whatever you want to suggest. If she´s not showing any signs of discomfort, then go for it. Try to spend some time with her at work alone, that will give you a chance if she feels comfortable with you, before you ask her out, otherwise it might get really tricky, because don´t forget that she´s a co-worker, you really might to consider this well, that´s not fun if it doesn´t work out. Even if you get a date with her, what will you do if it later doesn´t work out well? Anyway, good luck
Author iceisles Posted November 10, 2004 Author Posted November 10, 2004 Thanks, kooky. I am totally aware of the risks involved pursuing/dating a coworker, which is why I'm proceeding with caution. I'm a bit of a hypocrite, though - if my friends were asking me for this advice, I would tell them to avoid dating a close co-worker altogether. Call me too caught up in the excitement of it all to care. Lol. What do you think about talking to my co-workers about this? I think that I could benefit from their advice, and perhaps they'd even be willing to put in the "good word" for me, as they all like me and know that I've been single for awhile. They might be able to gauge the potential for this venture better than I can, since they all pretty much talk to her quite a bit. I am definitely interested in her, but I certainly don't want to move this too fast for obvious reasons. Maybe some outside help wouldn't be such a bad idea for what is definitely a delicate situation.
tokyo Posted November 10, 2004 Posted November 10, 2004 After re-reading my post, I´m glad you were able to make any sense out of it at all. I unfortunately tend to skip words, seems like my fingers don´t type fast enough to keep track with my thoughts... Consider it a mental challenge and try to add the missing words I´m inclined to believe that relationships are a very delicate thing and involving too many people can turn it into a very sticky affair. I think it depends on what kind of person you are, if you feel easily embarrassed or are a bit socially awkward, I would try to keep is as discreet as possible, because if it doesn´t work out, not only she will know it, but the whole bunch of coworkers that you see every day. If you think you can face it, then you can consider to ask them, but I´d suggest something else. You are allowed to say something positive, a nice little detail (something like, yeah, she´s really nice and cute, etc) about her in the presence of her co-workers, but don´t start asking them too much about her. Do it very casually and if they are nice, they´ll probably tell her that someone complimented on her work or looks or whatever. If they are not nice, be glad you didn´t talk with them! Thus you will let her know that you like her, but it´s not like you are head over heels for her, because that´s too much too early and it will only make her feel uneasy in your presence if she doesn´t feel the same. Once she realizes that you might be interested she should give off some positive signals that she might like you, too. If not you can still retreat quietly without being the talk at work, I mean, you have to work with her. No need for her to know that you have this big crush on her. When you have reached this step, you can think about asking her to hang out with you. Someone told me to actually suggest to do something instead of jumping to a serious date immediately. Thus you will not put too much pressure on her and still be friends if you later think she wasn´t really interested.
Author iceisles Posted November 10, 2004 Author Posted November 10, 2004 Lol, no problem - I can definitely make out what you're saying. I agree that relationships are delicate, but I think this is one situation where I can casually mention it to the girls in my group and have it yield something positive. I truly believe that they will support me and seamlessly bring me up in their conversations with her. I know they wouldn't embarrass her, or me (even though I'm tough to embarrass). I will certainly continue to flirt as much as I can, and I think she will start to get the idea I like her without making her feel uncomfortable. Most people tell me they feel very comfortable around me, so thankfully I never seem to overwhelm anyone. Nevertheless, I think finding at least one girl in my group that I can trust may play to my benefit. I'd like to bounce this off them, as I know they'd try to help me. I don't know about you, but most of my past relationships/interests have gone much smoother with this "advisory counsel" of sorts, likely because they offer additional guidance and support during this process. I am more than capable of doing it on my own, but I think working with all women is a card that I should be using to my advantage here.
Author iceisles Posted November 10, 2004 Author Posted November 10, 2004 I spoke to her twice more in the halls today, which I was happy about. The first time, I waited up for her when I saw her coming - it showed that I was stopping just to talk to her. The second time, I asked how her day in training was going and joked around a little. If nothing else, she definitely knows I think she's nice because I talk to her all the time. I've been pretty lucky catching her like I have - although she's in my unit, she'll be in training until Janurary, which means she only leaves the classroom a few minutes here and there. I've been making a lot of trips around the office just hoping to catch her (nonchalantly, of course. lol), and it seems to be working.
tokyo Posted November 10, 2004 Posted November 10, 2004 Cool I think you will do fine, you seem to be easy going and not to nervous or excited. Good luck and keep us posted!
Author iceisles Posted November 10, 2004 Author Posted November 10, 2004 Originally posted by kooky Cool I think you will do fine, you seem to be easy going and not to nervous or excited. Good luck and keep us posted! I've been flirting enough lately that it's almost coming naturally. Lol. I'm just going to keep status quo on this and try not to get my hopes up or anything. I think the next step may be asking her if she'd like to get lunch with me one day, though I think I'll talk to her at least another week or two before doing that. I am remaining 100% focused on not making her feel uncomfortable in any way, and I think I've done a good job at that so far. Being interested in a coworker is tough, but a lot of office romances have spawned here, so clearly they are very much possible.
littlelaxer Posted November 10, 2004 Posted November 10, 2004 hey iceisles, I just wanted to add that i think saying "hey sally*, how are you" is so much better then just saying "how are you?" I think its so much nicer cause u paid enough attention to learn their name and u may come off as really caring how shes doing. I think little things like just sayin someones name is jsut so much nicer. And if maybe she has an intrest in you, im sure she is catchin on to that, cause i know i do when the person i have a crush on says my name. I dont know its just weird Also i would suggest maybe talking with her more like u have been before asking her to lunch. like u had said i think maybe a week or so, because u just met her, and u really dont know much about her. Talk to her more this week and get to know some more things about her and maybe that will give u a clue on whether or not to ask her out. So in my opinion keep doing what ur doing, there seems to be nothing wrong with gettin to know a coworker!!
Author iceisles Posted November 10, 2004 Author Posted November 10, 2004 Originally posted by littlelaxer Also i would suggest maybe talking with her more like u have been before asking her to lunch. like u had said i think maybe a week or so, because u just met her, and u really dont know much about her. Talk to her more this week and get to know some more things about her and maybe that will give u a clue on whether or not to ask her out. Thanks for the post. The only thing about talking to her more is that our conversations are (and will continue to be) very short until January, when she finally finishes training and joins our group. Sometimes I don't have more than 20 or 30 seconds to talk to her because she has to head back to training. That's why it's going to be tough to get past the small-talk and learn more about her like I want to. I was very lucky today, getting to talk to her on two separate occasions for about a minute each - I honestly think me waiting up for her today probably conveyed more than anything that was mentioned in our short conversation. This is why it's going to be pivotal that I invite her to lunch in the next week or two. It will be the only solid opportunity I'll have to talk with her alone until she finally joins our group early next year. I do think that I'll be able to take a significant stride forward if we can spend a half-hour or 45 minutes together. I will continue to casually flirt the remainder of this week, and all of next week. Maybe in two weeks time I will be thinking about inviting her to lunch. I'm off tomorrow, but I'm thinking of discussing this with one of the girls in my group (who I know can keep a secret) on Friday to get her thoughts. If I think she can help in any way, I may let her do that - with close monitoring, of course. I'm excited about this new venture and have been very happy that my flirting has been well-received so far. She is slowly becoming more comfortable with me talking to her, and while there remains some ice to be broken, I'm feeling pretty positive about things right now. Just watch, I'll go through all this and she'll be seeing someone already.
Author iceisles Posted November 12, 2004 Author Posted November 12, 2004 Well, I got one final 60-second conversation in today before the weekend. As usual, we just talked about training and I slipped in a few jokes to lighten the mood. I wished her a nice weekend and she did the same. I like to make more headway heading into a weekend, but I guess small baby steps are better than nothing. I wonder if she's catching on that I'm into her, or if she thinks I'm just being nice to make her feel welcome in the group? I'm thinking I may invite her to lunch next Thursday or Friday, though I'm not sure how to word it. I want it to come off completely casual - maybe something like, "I'll probably go out for lunch tomorrow - would you like to come along?". I'm not looking to over analyze this, but I do know that things can be taken a little different depending on how you word them....i.e., "Would you like to go to lunch sometime?"' sounds more like date invitation than a casual question. Back to the title of the thread, I did walk past her this morning and said "Hey Rebecca, how's it going?" It always feels a little more personal using her first name, but again, it's hard to tell if she's catching on to the hints I'm dropping. Sometimes what is obvious to one person is completely undetected by another. I guess all I can do at this point is continue to do the best I can with the 1 or 2 minutes I have during the day and hope that she'll agree to lunch sometime. I want to play my cards carefully, but successfully.
littlelaxer Posted November 12, 2004 Posted November 12, 2004 i think what u need to do is continue with the baby steps like you had said......it seems to be the best things for now. See what happens in the next week and then bring up with whole lunch thing. I would suggest "hey, im heading out to lunch at *such and such time* ya wanna go" something short, nothing to pushy like "i wanted to know if you would like to join me for some lunch this afternoon" ya know something short and sweet! But yea i think what you are doing is best.....slow and steady is the best way to go at it. Maybe every now and then see if she will come up to you and say hi and try to start a conversation everyonce and a while...................maybe little things like that could show you whats shes looking for.....just my thoughts!
tokyo Posted November 12, 2004 Posted November 12, 2004 Ahem, I really wasn´t aware that guys would put so much effort and thought on how to pick up a girl..... I have to be more careful Ok, iceisles ( ), you seem to have a good strategy. "I'll probably go out for lunch tomorrow - would you like to come along?" I like this sentence better than the other one, because that way she will not feel pressurized to give you a positive answer, you are going anyway and if she likes she can join you anytime (or cancel). The other question does look a bit like asking for a date.
Author iceisles Posted November 12, 2004 Author Posted November 12, 2004 Originally posted by littlelaxer i think what u need to do is continue with the baby steps like you had said......it seems to be the best things for now. See what happens in the next week and then bring up with whole lunch thing. I would suggest "hey, im heading out to lunch at *such and such time* ya wanna go" something short, nothing to pushy like "i wanted to know if you would like to join me for some lunch this afternoon" ya know something short and sweet! But yea i think what you are doing is best.....slow and steady is the best way to go at it. Maybe every now and then see if she will come up to you and say hi and try to start a conversation every once and a while...................maybe little things like that could show you whats shes looking for.....just my thoughts! Thanks for the post. The only tricky thing is that, being in training, they take lunch at different times every day. Sometimes it's 11:30, sometimes it's noon, so she'd have to come look for me when they let out - something she hasn't done yet. But it might be good to have a situation where she actually comes looking for me, since I've been the one who has "accidentally" run into her every time in the halls. I'm going to ask my trusted co-worker Monday if she thinks any of the girls in my group might be uncomfortable with me pursuing her, because I have to consider their feelings make sure they aren't opposed to me essentially flirting with a fellow team member.
Author iceisles Posted November 12, 2004 Author Posted November 12, 2004 Originally posted by kooky Ahem, I really wasn´t aware that guys would put so much effort and thought on how to pick up a girl..... I have to be more careful Ok, iceisles ( ), you seem to have a good strategy. "I'll probably go out for lunch tomorrow - would you like to come along?" I like this sentence better than the other one, because that way she will not feel pressurized to give you a positive answer, you are going anyway and if she likes she can join you anytime (or cancel). The other question does look a bit like asking for a date. Lol, I don't consider this "effort" - it's exciting. Yeah, I'm definitely comfortable with the casual wording. The good thing about this situation is that aside from a few folks in the training class, she doesn't know anyone else on the job. By me talking to her everyday, I have to be one of her closest friends outside of the classroom. This is a favorable situation where I have a chance to establish a solid friendship with someone who doesn't have many acquaintances at a new job, and I hope to build from there. I know when I was in training a couple of years ago, I was really happy when anyone talked to me, because it made me feel comfortable. I really hope she likes the fact that I make an effort to speak to her each day.
Author iceisles Posted November 13, 2004 Author Posted November 13, 2004 As an aside, the timing may be right this week to ask her to lunch. I'm kind of sounding like a broken record asking, "How's training going?" over and over. We really need more things to talk about, and hopefully getting out of the office for a half-hour or so will give us the opportunity to do that. It also may signify that I really like her, especially when she finds out down the road that I hardly ever go anywhere for lunch (alone or otherwise).
littlelaxer Posted November 14, 2004 Posted November 14, 2004 If you think its a good time this week comming up...then go for it. But remember u are tryin to take baby steps i just wouldnt go in there on monday and ask her out when earlier u were saying in about a week and a half. BUt like i said when u think its a good time. Take things slow
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