tooslowatlove Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 (edited) I had to break off my engagement 4 months ago, after she wouldn't compromise on where we lived or even consider my plan. She wanted me to move into a new apartment in her area, despite the fact it would mean a 2 hour commute (and more gas and toll expense)for me each way, and higher rent than my present situation. I wanted her to move into my place, and she outright refused, even though it would have saved us money to put aside for the wedding. She had been "my way, me me me" all through the relationship - I couldn't even post my political opinions on Facebook because it "upset her". Meanwhile she still posted whatever she wanted . . . While the housing argument was the trigger for the blowup, she overall didn't respect or accept our differences - she wanted to mold me into what she wanted. I just wanted her to be more patient (enjoy the journey of the relationship) and willing to compromise. I saw her family all the time - mine rarely saw her. It was a bad breakup - she'd pushed me to my limit with her demands about what I had to change and sacrifice in order to marry her (no sacrifice too great, unless she had to make it!) and I almost broke it off 3 weeks after proposing. I agreed instead to a break for both of us to cool off and consider the situation. She kept on me non-stop nonetheless and I finally had to break up entirely. The moment chosen for the breakup was born of anger and frustration, but I stand behind my reasons. But now the anger has faded, and I think it was blunting the grief. I cleaned up my office a bit on Monday, and found the mix CD she'd made for our first Valentine's Day together. I tried to dismiss it. Then I was going through my email and found ones prior to our falling out. Reminded me of when we were happy with each other. Then I made a huge mistake - I went on her Facebook page, and she's got several pictures of her with a guy. No details, since we're not friends on Facebook anymore. But it seems she's found another guy. For all of the rage and tears and everything she did when we broke up, she sure seems to have recovered quickly. I've only just begun to think about starting to date again, and she's already with someone new. I guess she didn't love me that much after all. But that doesn't change the fact that I'm still in love with her. I may have been furious with her, I may have hated the fact that she put staying in her current area over me, but I never hated her. And now that the anger has faded, all I'm left with is the sorrow. I wanted to spend my life with her, even with her stubborness, there was enough wonderful about her that I still wanted to grow old with her, or at least thought I did. I know I made the right choice. I know it wouldn't have worked in the long run. I couldn't have spent my life always giving in, sacrificing to suit her whims. So why does it hurt so much? Why do I miss her so badly? Why do I envy this new guy, even though I know she's going to put him through hell? And to top it all off, this is in addition to the resurgence of a 6 year old crush that I thought I'd put to rest, and that is completely impractical even if this woman does turn out to be interested. So I'm basically an emotional 5-car pileup right now. I used to say I didn't need someone in my life, but that it would be a wonderful addition. Now the thought of being alone forever terrifies me, and I'm torn between the woman I still want but shouldn't, and one I've wanted forever but didn't think I should go for. Edited August 22, 2013 by tooslowatlove
Philosoraptor Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 I had me a controlling rebounder as well at one point, so I can identify with what you went through. Take a deep breath and realize that it was a stress free breath. No worrying about if it was going to upset her or walking on eggshells. Having the ability to do anything you want. No one who truly cares about you would put such chains on your life. Whomever you grow old with needs to love you for you, not change who you are to suit their own needs. On this other woman. I'd steer clear of anything serious until you have put to bed all feelings for your ex. Wouldn't be fair to anyone new and it would just leave you more confused. Until you are happy and satisified with yourself, and your own life, you will find it difficult to have a healthy relationship with anyone. Can't give your best for someone else until you're able to give your best to yourself.
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