Betterthanthis13 Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 I gave another poster advice to post this thread. Made me realize I need to take my own advice. So- what the heck do I want? Help Summary: not gonna date anytime soon. Just talking. I just kicked out a serial cheater I've been living with for 3 years. Obvi I am not ok. What do I want? I know what I think I want. What do I really want? Is it realistic? Attainable? What should my plan be? Should I not have a plan? Am I just nuts? Smiley face was semi sarcastic and superfluous. Dammit. I can't help putting a smiley even when I don't want to.
Author Betterthanthis13 Posted August 22, 2013 Author Posted August 22, 2013 Umm. What I really meant was, ok. I did what I thought was right but now I am alone and sad. Is this better? Not sure right now. Need some hope for the future. I'm strong but breakups suck no matter what. 1
ChooseTruth Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 You're in that chaotic resdiscovery of self period, like I am as well. The therapist I used to see used to say stuff like "be ok with the chaos and unknown". I think that's pretty good advice. But also I think you need to try things, go out, do something. If you don't like it, try something else, but do SOMETHING I took up rock climbing because a friend invited me, dunno if I'll keep it up. I might start going dancing or join a rock band. I dunno...my mind spins with all the possibilities constantly. As this divorce settles I feel more and more free to figure out my direction and I accept that maybe I'll screw up a few times before I figure it out. As far as dating...I'm trying to recalibrate my mind. I'm so horribly jaded and pissed and disillusioned...I need time to come to grips with what I've learned about life instead of just being pissed about it. Maybe I'll finally find some new way where things work for me. Probably your mind is in a crazy state as well, pissed at all men, etc. 2
Author Betterthanthis13 Posted August 22, 2013 Author Posted August 22, 2013 You're in that chaotic resdiscovery of self period, like I am as well. The therapist I used to see used to say stuff like "be ok with the chaos and unknown". I think that's pretty good advice. But also I think you need to try things, go out, do something. If you don't like it, try something else, but do SOMETHING I took up rock climbing because a friend invited me, dunno if I'll keep it up. I might start going dancing or join a rock band. I dunno...my mind spins with all the possibilities constantly. As this divorce settles I feel more and more free to figure out my direction and I accept that maybe I'll screw up a few times before I figure it out. As far as dating...I'm trying to recalibrate my mind. I'm so horribly jaded and pissed and disillusioned...I need time to come to grips with what I've learned about life instead of just being pissed about it. Maybe I'll finally find some new way where things work for me. Probably your mind is in a crazy state as well, pissed at all men, etc. In some ways yes but also no. I'm not pissed at men. I am pissed at one man. And I'm pissed at myself for not recognizing the dynamics of what I was in before it was too late. Not that I blame myself for not being aware of what he was doing, and I'm not pissed at myself for trusting him. I'm pissed that I got involved in a dynamic where a person was trying to create a false reality for me, supposedly out of love. I just finished posting a story in another thread about my family life growing up---suffice it to say the dynamics are eerily similar to the situation with xbf. Duh, why didnt I see that 3 years ago.... It's so cliche- I thought I was smarter than that. And then there is the chaos brain- yup. I'm with you on that one. I couldn't go on a date right now- I would not subject any man to that torture yet I do need to start doing things like you said though. Can't be a hermit forever. Ugh I hate fun right now though. Lol.
Author Betterthanthis13 Posted August 22, 2013 Author Posted August 22, 2013 You want what we all want, to feel good again..you are not crazy or weak, you are hurting with good reason! Cut yourself a break, get a little better each day and celebrate you, the fact that you are still standing in the face of something so horrible. Did I mention affairs are poison to everyone they touch! Poison is a good analogy... I think part of the antidote to the poison I swallowed is just to accept that I drank some poison and now I have to recover from it. It did take a toll on me. But like Maya Angelou says, "Now that I know better... I do better". No more drinking poison for this girl. 1
road Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 It hurts to admit you used up three years on a bum. Take your time to heal before you date again. Do not date someone that you can fix. They are never fixable. You deserve to be treated as a queen so no more losers. Patience to let time heal you. This one is for you. Used it in good health. 4
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