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Did anyone else feel the need to make drastic physical changes post-DDay?

compulsivedancer

By compulsivedancer
in Infidelity

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compulsivedancer Established Member

compulsivedancer

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After DDay I absolutely HAD to cut off my hair. It was halfway down my back. I cut it chin length (Since then I have been making it increasingly artsy vs. the very natural look pre-DDay). I also immediately began regrowing my eyebrows, which I had overplucked. The combination of these two things and the fact that I dropped about 10 lbs during post-DDay fallout results in me looking drastically different.

 

This actually created an odd little thing for H, too. I think this is less the case now, but in the early days after DDay, he almost literally thought of me as a different person. It made things a lot easier for him, but I found it a bit disconcerting.

Betterthanthis13 Established Member

Betterthanthis13

Posted
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After DDay I absolutely HAD to cut off my hair. It was halfway down my back. I cut it chin length (Since then I have been making it increasingly artsy vs. the very natural look pre-DDay). I also immediately began regrowing my eyebrows, which I had overplucked. The combination of these two things and the fact that I dropped about 10 lbs during post-DDay fallout results in me looking drastically different.

 

This actually created an odd little thing for H, too. I think this is less the case now, but in the early days after DDay, he almost literally thought of me as a different person. It made things a lot easier for him, but I found it a bit disconcerting.

 

Why do you always notice things I am oblivious to? ;)

 

Exbf grew his hair out and started wearing different clothes after DDay. It didnt occur to me to relate the two until just this moment. There must be a psychological reason.

 

I stopped caring after DDay and did everything I could to be unappealing. LOL now that he is gone I am getting my eyebrows waxed again and wearing things besides sweatpants.

 

Crap I never thought of this- but I've wanted to be rid of him. He wanted me to stay. Played out in personal hygeine.

 

Maybe physical change is a metaphor for internal change? I wonder what that means if you cut all your hair. That is no small thing.

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screwedovertwenty Established Member

screwedovertwenty

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Some well meaning coworkers told me that I should get a makeover, cut my hair and get a new style. My answer was "screw that! I like me the way I am. I like my long hair. If he didn't like me the way I was, screw him!"

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ComingInHot Established Member

ComingInHot

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YES!!

The change I made was in Physically Removing my H from the house*

 

After that began the stress diet.

From there just maintained....

 

CIH

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2sure Established Member

2sure

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I had some lipo on my ass, now that you mention it.

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Spark1111 Established Member

Spark1111

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Sure....Never felt so ugly in my life.

 

Died my hair platinum, hit the gym for the endorphins to keep from cracking up, and went on the post infidelity stress diet.

 

Bought form fitting clothes that showed some cleavage, matching underwear ( an amazing luxury for a mom of three) and started country line dancing.

 

I alternated between high heels and cowboy boots: A totally new look for me. I liked it, and I liked the attention from it, both male and female.

 

oh, the OW in my sitch wasn't prettier, just a few years younger, and kind of chubby truth be told.

 

Stll, I wanted to reclaim me, Spark, the woman buried under all that marital obligation and consequent heartache from betrayal.

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compulsivedancer Established Member

compulsivedancer

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Maybe physical change is a metaphor for internal change?

 

Yeah, it seems like women always cut their hair when they want a change. Sometimes it means they're depressed (hacking it off like you just don't care!), sometimes it means they want a new change (getting a makeover or putting more care into it.)

 

I wonder what that means if you cut all your hair. That is no small thing.

 

That's easy. OM loved my long hair and had begged me not to cut it. I was considering cutting it before DDay, but afterwards, it was almost a physical necessity. I felt ill looking at my long hair in the mirror.

 

Of course, H loved my hair too. I have kept it long during much of our M for him. But I never wore it down or took extra care for him like I did for OM. So when I thought about my hair, I thought about all the things I did for OM that I took for granted with H.

 

Also, I had been unhappy with myself for a long time. That was one of the things leading up to the A. I finally decided I was going to be the person I WANTED to be, and that included changing my look and having it reflect who I was, not who I was trying to be for my partner.

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eleanorrigby Established Member

eleanorrigby

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I started making some changes a few months before d-day.

 

I shaved all my hair off. I've done it twice in life and each time I was under a lot of stress. First time having a new baby and another little one under 2 years old.

 

The second time was during the months the affair was going on. He was acting so weird, and I was spending all my time trying to figure out what the hell was going on. I just couldn't deal with my hair anymore, I buzz cut it and shortly afterwards d-day occurred.

 

My hairs tailbone length again and I'm stressed (not infidelity... money, family etc) and the hair clippers are calling to me again. :laugh:

 

So, yeah I agree with the idea that some of us women will cut our hair in times of heavy stress.

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HopingAgain Established Member

HopingAgain

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Yes I did. I had been neglecting my hair and nails and running around in sweatpants all day for almost 2 years before Dday. I was too exhausted to be running around after twin toddlers and keep myself up too. But I had an intense urge after Dday to do for ME again and pamper myself like I used to. I started getting my hair done again bought new clothes andv shoes, wearing makeup and being more outgoing. I did all thisv to help me move forward, not to entice my husband but it had that effect anyway.

Edited by HopingAgain
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Furious Established Member

Furious

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I lost 200 pounds on my d-day when I sent my husband packing.:D:D:D

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Journee Established Member

Journee

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Well, right now I would like to change my address.

 

Guess which BS apparently has mutual friend's with OW and was lucky enough to look full on into her face on social media??

 

<---- this girl.

 

Ah, the gift that keeps on giving. I thanked my darling husband again for his tricking off adventures and quickly took the longest , hottest shower ever. I'm now laying in the middle of our King size contemplating the future. Maybe I should lose about 185 pounds tonight. I really just am not going to make it through this.

 

I have been thinking of adding some color to my hair. Something drastic. Maybe a gorgeous deep red. My hair is curly and middle of my back when wet. I was six months pregnant this last Dday so not much change aside from a growing belly. I'd say inside I changed. I lost anther part of myself.

 

Sorry for being a buzz kill. Tis my mood this evening.

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road Established Member

road

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That's easy. OM loved my long hair and had begged me not to cut it. I was considering cutting it before DDay, but afterwards, it was almost a physical necessity. I felt ill looking at my long hair in the mirror.

 

Of course, H loved my hair too. I have kept it long during much of our M for him. But I never wore it down or took extra care for him like I did for OM. So when I thought about my hair, I thought about all the things I did for OM that I took for granted with H.

 

Also, I had been unhappy with myself for a long time. That was one of the things leading up to the A. I finally decided I was going to be the person I WANTED to be, and that included changing my look and having it reflect who I was, not who I was trying to be for my partner.

 

 

If I was your BH (I love long hair) I would be so pissed off that you went all out and met the OM need for long hair.

 

You chopping off your hair after dday would of sent me the message that you thought more of OM because you kept it long for him but not for me.

Zenstudent Established Member

Zenstudent

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If I was your BH (I love long hair) I would be so pissed off that you went all out and met the OM need for long hair.

 

You chopping off your hair after dday would of sent me the message that you thought more of OM because you kept it long for him but not for me.

I would actually think the opposite. D-day showed me her true nature - I'm excited each and every day to see if she will start to implement some changes - I would take it as a positive sign/gesture.

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NotCamelot Established Member

NotCamelot

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Well, I had lost 30 pounds due to the crap I was going through with her. Being 6 feet tall, I was at 230, dropped to 198.......

 

But then I started excercising, muscle tone, dressing nicer when not going to work. Making sure I looked good at all times ......not just most of the time.

 

I guess, in retrospect, I think I was competing for her attention. I wanted to make sure I was appealing to her. Though I know now that it was completely unnecessary. In fact, one afternoon 3 months ago, I made some comment about "look good for you"......she got a little upset at that and told me, "I never have had a problem with the way you look, I love you and love how you look, now stop it!"

 

Of course, it was all for me......I did it all because I wanted to. It made me feel better. And I sure needed to feel better.........

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road Established Member

road

Posted
Posted
I would actually think the opposite. D-day showed me her true nature - I'm excited each and every day to see if she will start to implement some changes - I would take it as a positive sign/gesture.

 

 

A statement made by a person that did not have a WW that refused to wear her hair for her BH the way the BH very much liked.

 

Similar to a WW that would not give her BH oral though did it all the time fore the OM.

 

You confuse making changes to see the WW improve as a person which is good post dday and not doing for her BH that she did for the OM.

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compulsivedancer Established Member

compulsivedancer

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Road, I kept my hair long for most of our M. It was past my belly button at one point (not during the A). I talked to H about cutting my hair before I did it. He was on board. I think he needed very badly to see me as a different person after DDay, and I needed to separate myself from who I was during the A.

 

H really wanted me to take control of my life and be who I could be instead of making excuses for who I was. Part of that was taking charge of my appearance and making myself over to look the way I want to look instead of the way I think he wants me to look.

 

H is enjoying seeing the results, and in the process we've both realized that we don't really know what the other finds attractive. We've spent more time experimenting with this aspect of our relationship, and it's been a really positive addition. The other day I got my hair dyed (which I haven't done since before H) and he was really excited to see what it would look like. I never expected that, since I always thought he preferred the natural look.

 

His comment when I cut my hair was that while he really likes my long hair, he thinks the short hair is more me.

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dichotomy Established Member

dichotomy

Posted
Posted
Well, I had lost 30 pounds due to the crap I was going through with her. Being 6 feet tall, I was at 230, dropped to 198.......

 

But then I started excercising, muscle tone, dressing nicer when not going to work. Making sure I looked good at all times ......not just most of the time.

 

I guess, in retrospect, I think I was competing for her attention. I wanted to make sure I was appealing to her. Though I know now that it was completely unnecessary. In fact, one afternoon 3 months ago, I made some comment about "look good for you"......she got a little upset at that and told me, "I never have had a problem with the way you look, I love you and love how you look, now stop it!"

 

Of course, it was all for me......I did it all because I wanted to. It made me feel better. And I sure needed to feel better.........

 

 

Pretty close to my journey at the time.

  • Like 1
Journee Established Member

Journee

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Ok ok. So, made a huge change to my appearance. Blonde highlights to the last third of my dark curly hair! Whamo! Oh, and some brand new nude lipstick I have been wanting to try. I needed this. I hope the sparkle in my hair shows everywhere and H eats his heart out.

 

Anyone ever heard the saying " I'm gonna wash that man right out of my hair" ? I use my hair for expression a lot. Hair can actually feel like a body part. Like a security blanket. I don't know if anyone else can relate or not.

 

ok, news bulletin over

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