Real36 Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 I recently broke up with my ex-boyfriend because I found text messages (among other reasons but this broke the camel's back) to several other girls on an old phone of his. This all took place about 3-4 months ago but they probably continued into the time that he got his new phone. We worked together but he was let go around the time of the found messages. We did not make our relationship known at work because it could cause problems for us, but many people had figured out that we were together. Some of the messages were to a girl that we both worked with, some of them were sent to her while we were all in the office together with the specific mention of my name. The messages mostly initiated by him with little flirtation back on her part. I was this girl's supervisor until she changed departments about a month before we broke up. Up until now I have been relatively sure that nothing happened between them other than texting. She doesn't seem like the type to fall for his bs (but I sure did!). Anyway, I have been offered a job in the department that this girl works in now. It would be a great opportunity for me but I would once again be this girl's supervisor. Now I am feeling the need to know if anything happened between them and/or is happening now. I don't think I will be able to work with her if anything has or is happening. My question is: should I ask her??? We have always had a good working relationship but because of all of the things I obviously missed when they were actually happening I feel like I need to know or it will just kill me to wonder while looking her in the face everyday. Any advice will be appreciated!
Mangledmess Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 I recently broke up with my ex-boyfriend because I found text messages (among other reasons but this broke the camel's back) to several other girls on an old phone of his. This all took place about 3-4 months ago but they probably continued into the time that he got his new phone. We worked together but he was let go around the time of the found messages. We did not make our relationship known at work because it could cause problems for us, but many people had figured out that we were together. Some of the messages were to a girl that we both worked with, some of them were sent to her while we were all in the office together with the specific mention of my name. The messages mostly initiated by him with little flirtation back on her part. I was this girl's supervisor until she changed departments about a month before we broke up. Up until now I have been relatively sure that nothing happened between them other than texting. She doesn't seem like the type to fall for his bs (but I sure did!). Anyway, I have been offered a job in the department that this girl works in now. It would be a great opportunity for me but I would once again be this girl's supervisor. Now I am feeling the need to know if anything happened between them and/or is happening now. I don't think I will be able to work with her if anything has or is happening. My question is: should I ask her??? We have always had a good working relationship but because of all of the things I obviously missed when they were actually happening I feel like I need to know or it will just kill me to wonder while looking her in the face everyday. Any advice will be appreciated! If you ask her, it could cause some major issues for you at work. One being harassment. You said that she gave little to no effort to flirting with him back and she is smart enough not to fall for his BS. Just ask yourself this. If you knew your supervisor was having a relationship with a guy who was flirting with you, what would you do to not put your job in jeopardy? Also, was he her supervisor as well? If so, you could always ask her as a professional if there was any type of sexual harassment from him towards her. Make sure you have another party in the room as well so that things can not be taken out of perspective. If she brings up your relationship with him, then you can freely say that you two broke up for a reason and you are not bringing your personal life in to work, but want to make sure that she was not a victim of any sort. Explain that is the reason you have a third party in the room as well and reassure her you are a professional and your personal feelings would never come in to play with your career. This is very risky though. I would first ask him if anything happened between them after you explain you have a job opportunity in her department and wanted to make sure no waves would be made by her part if you were to accept it. Work and relationships are tough. If you have an HR department, you could explain the situation to them if you wanted to take the position and let them know you are a professional and such and hold no ill will towards either of them, before you accept the position.
Babolat Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 I recently broke up with my ex-boyfriend because I found text messages (among other reasons but this broke the camel's back) to several other girls on an old phone of his. This all took place about 3-4 months ago but they probably continued into the time that he got his new phone. We worked together but he was let go around the time of the found messages. We did not make our relationship known at work because it could cause problems for us, but many people had figured out that we were together. Some of the messages were to a girl that we both worked with, some of them were sent to her while we were all in the office together with the specific mention of my name. The messages mostly initiated by him with little flirtation back on her part. I was this girl's supervisor until she changed departments about a month before we broke up. Up until now I have been relatively sure that nothing happened between them other than texting. She doesn't seem like the type to fall for his bs (but I sure did!). Anyway, I have been offered a job in the department that this girl works in now. It would be a great opportunity for me but I would once again be this girl's supervisor. Now I am feeling the need to know if anything happened between them and/or is happening now. I don't think I will be able to work with her if anything has or is happening. My question is: should I ask her??? We have always had a good working relationship but because of all of the things I obviously missed when they were actually happening I feel like I need to know or it will just kill me to wonder while looking her in the face everyday. Any advice will be appreciated! I would not ask her; in fact, if you are marketable in your industry/field, I would probably resign. Just TOO much stuff to worry about.
Mangledmess Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 I would not ask her; in fact, if you are marketable in your industry/field, I would probably resign. Just TOO much stuff to worry about. I do agree with this. My suggestions were only if you HAVE to know. And honestly you do not. Will it hurt not knowing? Yes. Will it get easier? Yes. When? As soon as you can get through all the crazy emotions happening right now and LET YOURSELF move on.
Author Real36 Posted August 21, 2013 Author Posted August 21, 2013 Thanks to you all for the advice. Resigning is not really an option for me because the only other agency in my field located in the county, he now works for. Including HR is out of the question. I am not going to talk to her about it. Just gonna move on. Thanks for the advice.
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