So happy together Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 I'm curious. I have been told by several people on this forum that because I am in a LDR, it is not a 'real' relationship, that we can't possibly know what it's like to be a couple, and have even had people say "Have fun with skype". So... I'm curious what you think of that? We have been a couple for almost two years. We see one another often. How is it less real than anyone else's just because we don't live in the same city?
justwhoiam Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 To get that out of the way: have you ever met this person IRL?
ForeverHopeful1 Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 How is it a real relationship? Who am I to say its not? I can't say I would be solely available someone I lived halfway across the country from unless we had plans of being together soon or if qe had been togwther a long time and this was temporary. The real relationship woukd start when we lived closer. I certainly couldn't waste 2 years but you're not me. To ME, its not a real relationship but hey.... To you, you feel different. When you are face to face and see one another regularly, that is a relationship to me. Half of your "relationship" is missing while you live on opposite ends of the country. This is just my opinion and I know others may feel different. When was the last time you saw him? You have kids, right? Has he met them? What kind of real relationship do they have with him? Or will their relationship become real when you love closer?
Els Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 It's not any less real. Some people may consider it less real because they're not interested in LDRs, but that is only applicable to them. In your case, if you both feel it is real and have good cause to believe that the other person's feelings and motivations are genuine, then it is real. It's very much a personal belief, I think - I personally consider affairs and casual dating as 'not so real' relationships, while considering any sort of long-term committed and monogamous R, regardless of geographical location, as 'real'. But nobody has the right to tell anyone else whether or not their R is 'real'. You have the sole right to decide that for yourself. To get that out of the way: have you ever met this person IRL? He said they saw one another often. I would assume that means IRL. 2
justwhoiam Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 He said they saw one another often. I would assume that means IRL. I had a feeling the OP meant through webcam... But let's see. Maybe you're right. Worth asking though.
Author So happy together Posted August 22, 2013 Author Posted August 22, 2013 To get that out of the way: have you ever met this person IRL? Yes, many times. We spend lots of weekends or long vacations together. He's met my children numerous times.
Author So happy together Posted August 22, 2013 Author Posted August 22, 2013 How is it a real relationship? Who am I to say its not? I can't say I would be solely available someone I lived halfway across the country from unless we had plans of being together soon or if qe had been togwther a long time and this was temporary. The real relationship woukd start when we lived closer. I certainly couldn't waste 2 years but you're not me. To ME, its not a real relationship but hey.... To you, you feel different. When you are face to face and see one another regularly, that is a relationship to me. Half of your "relationship" is missing while you live on opposite ends of the country. This is just my opinion and I know others may feel different. When was the last time you saw him? You have kids, right? Has he met them? What kind of real relationship do they have with him? Or will their relationship become real when you love closer? He sees my kids often. He has means to travel regularly to see us and I also travel alone to see him too. I saw him a week ago.
justwhoiam Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 I have been told by several people on this forum that because I am in a LDR, it is not a 'real' relationship BS. that we can't possibly know what it's like to be a couple BS. people say "Have fun with skype" We all know too well that Skype works as a surrogate... And even then, one of the best means to keep in touch, while the other person is away. I wish I would wake up tomorrow and I can buy one of those sets you can wear... and feel him, touch him, smell him, until our next meet up. I'm curious what you think of that? I think there's a huge difference between virtual buddies who get romantic or sexual with one another, and a real relationship. Yours is definitely a real relationship where you need to resort to the Internet to fill the temporary gap when he's not around. People who never experienced it or just heard of it tend to put everything into the same category. How is it less real than anyone else's just because we don't live in the same city? It isn't. 1
Faith13/2 Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 I'm curious. I have been told by several people on this forum that because I am in a LDR, it is not a 'real' relationship, that we can't possibly know what it's like to be a couple, and have even had people say "Have fun with skype". So... I'm curious what you think of that? We have been a couple for almost two years. We see one another often. How is it less real than anyone else's just because we don't live in the same city? Nobody will ever understand what people in a LDR go through. It can be so painful and hard. It is no less real then any relationship just distance is a factor. If anything I think it makes our relationships stronger, seeings how we have to endure such long times apart and still make it work. Skype has become one of my favorite things.
Pyro Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 I'm curious. I have been told by several people on this forum that because I am in a LDR, it is not a 'real' relationship, that we can't possibly know what it's like to be a couple, and have even had people say "Have fun with skype". So... I'm curious what you think of that? We have been a couple for almost two years. We see one another often. How is it less real than anyone else's just because we don't live in the same city? Pretty much those who couldn't handle a LDR would shun it and call it fake. You have seen each other in person numerous times. To call it not real is worthy of crap. 2
Author So happy together Posted August 22, 2013 Author Posted August 22, 2013 Thank you. I really appreciate your responses. I get so tired of hearing it. I feel that our relationship is very real and I am closer to him than I have ever been with. I feel our distance makes us stronger, closer emotionally. And then when we are together, fireworks. Lol. 1
HeavenOrHell Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 Mine is very real even though we only meet up every other month. Yours obviously is too. Saying it's not real is like saying to someone in a local r/ship that if their partner goes away for work for a couple of months then it's not a real/r/ship But if people have a 'relationship' purely online and on the phone, to me that's not a real r/ship. It's an online friendship until people meet. Spending time together is what makes it real. 1
Asda Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 I have been through this type of relationships. It is not real, it is fake one.It is just a cover of something that does not exist. It is not healthy and at the end you will split up. My relationships lasted for 3 years, silly Skype,msn,yahoo etc. It is unreal, it made me stressed, paranoid etc. I was suspecting that she is cheating, well very long story. If you can, avoid this type of relationships. You have to be with your lady very near, to hang out together, and do many things together to feel those relationships 100%. Because of technological era we living in, our mind and thinking is going in opposite direction of the life itself, that why we got in trouble very often. Run from LDR, do not even start this. Care about yourself, you do not have unlimited life energy, I thought I am strong, but at the end it sucked me dry. I can not recover from that LDR up to know, 2 years passed and still working on getting myself back, that how bad it was.
Els Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 I think where people see a disconnect in your relationship, is because your guy is still married and you're in an affair. Not surprised you left that part out. Huh, I must have missed this part. In that case, probably right....
justwhoiam Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 I think where people see a disconnect in your relationship, is because your guy is still married and you're in an affair. Not surprised you left that part out. Interesting. But maybe she included even people who don't know whether he's married or not. So prejudice is only about being LD. It's not unheard of: prejudice exists regarding LDRs. It is just a cover of something that does not exist. It is not healthy and at the end you will split up. That was your experience. Had you married her instead of splitting up, your post and mindset would be totally different now.
MissBee Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 (edited) I reckon she likely means she's caught flack mainly on LS. OP is pretty known around here AFIK. That said, I believe LDRs can be "real" to an extent but only in a very limited capacity. If the LD part of the LDR is extreme, long term or with no end to said distance in sight then I think they are definiely less real. LDRs tend to exist in a bubble of idealization. As the relationship progresses, the things that normal, committed couples do are either impossible or infrequent in LDRs meaning the dynamics are vastly different. This is speaking only of couples whose relationship became long distance after being together or who have otherwise met in real life. My opinions on LDRs between people who've never met differ greatly. Agree. Not all LDRs are created equally. An affair LDR, an affair LDR where you never met offline before, an affair LDR where you knew each other 20 years ago and then reconnected online etc. are different from non-affair LDRs, as well as different from a LDR where you were together as a couple in close proximity then it became long distance or even different from an affair where no distance is involved. These different factors have an impact on the dynamic and its limitations and "realness". In terms of SHT and what's she's caught flack for, it was a bit misleading IMO to present it as folks thinking all LDRs are "not real", as mostly people were skeptical of the two strikes: married guy and long distance versus making any general proclamations about their opinions of all LDRs. Edited August 26, 2013 by MissBee 3
FitChick Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 A long distance affair is probably easier because his wife won't find out as easily. He probably got caught before.
justwhoiam Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 A long distance affair is probably easier because his wife won't find out as easily. He probably got caught before. You mean an affair where two people never met? Anyway, this doesn't apply to the OP. I read he lives on his own and they were planning to start living together in a few months.
FitChick Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 You mean an affair where two people never met? Anyway, this doesn't apply to the OP. I read he lives on his own and they were planning to start living together in a few months. Plenty of married businessmen have women in cities where they regularly do business. They often have apartments there.
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