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Boyfriend who I'm living with broke up with me, but still says he loves me - feeling

Summer Lovin

By Summer Lovin
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Summer Lovin Established Member

Summer Lovin

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I've been with my boyfriend for 3-years now, and I moved in with him 3-months ago. He was so excited for me to move in with him, but it hasn't been going well, and he recently broke up with me. He says that he just doesn't think he's able/ready to give me the commitment that I want. I caught him doing some fishy things, such as texting girls incredibly flirtatious things, and not being invited to a lot of events that he was going to. This is the second time he broke up with me. He broke up with me before because we had to be in a long distance relationship while I finished schooling. He said he wasn't willing to commit to me until I relocated to where he was. He originally wanted me to move in with him, and he said he planned on proposing and everything. He said that he had high hopes for us to live together and had it all planned out in his head, and for me to give up that chance to finish schooling was hurtful. Even after he broke up with me he was still calling me all of the time and sending me gifts. We ended up getting back together, and I relocated to where he is at and gave him what he wanted. While we were apart I felt like I was doing most of the sacrificing while in long distance, and it was clear to me he didn't want to do it, he says long distance is a deal breaker, but he did it for me, I almost feel he felt sorry for me now. I also felt incredibly insecure of an ex g/f who he did long distance with for 3-years, but it was an open relationship. He told me that we'd pick up where we left off when I moved in with him, and I turned down job offers to go be/live with him, as I thought that is what he wanted.

 

Well now he broke up with me again because he feels like our problems aren't getting better, he isn't happy with me being here, he hates having to come home to answer to someone, and he doesn't feel like we were ready to live together. I just find it frustrating he'd give up so easily, it has only been 3-months. He wants me to move out as soon as I can, so I'm looking at apartments and trying to find a better paying job. I'm planning on being out of here by next month at the latest, and he is letting me stay here for the time being, but isn't happy about it. However, now that we're broken up, I don't feel that anything has changed. He still is hanging out with me all the time, making me meals, taking me out, still saying I love, buying me expensive gifts. He even says he'll come visit me once I move, and I'm still more than welcome to visit him whenever I want and that he plans on getting me a fancy engagement ring when he can afford it. He also says that he feels like I took him for granted a lot. He says just having me here is too much, and I now feel like I've gotten dependent on him because I put all my eggs in his basket. It's incredibly confusing for me, and honestly really embarrassing. I now know we're over, but why does he continue to act like we're together when he broke up with me for a second time and is now kicking me out of his apartment and life. Advice??

 

He is my best friend, and I feel like knows me better than anyone. I can't really imagine my life without him. When I first came here, he helped me get a car and everything, and I just felt like we were at a much higher commitment level. Sure, we'd fight sometimes, but I didn't think it was to the point of just giving up after 3-months. It gives me hope when he says that he'll come back to me again someday.

Edited by sassiechik21
Mangledmess Member

Mangledmess

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It sounds like this guy likes to go out and be free from commitment. If you were to talk to him and tell him you would like to try the open relationship now with you there, I bet he would say yes! I do not suggest doing that though.

 

I wouldn't take any stock in to his promises. I'm sorry, but I have to be honest. He wants his cake and eat it too. I say to not give Into his BS promises.

Soat Established Member

Soat

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I've been with my boyfriend for 3-years now, and I moved in with him 3-months ago. He was so excited for me to move in with him, but it hasn't been going well, and he recently broke up with me. He says that he just doesn't think he's able/ready to give me the commitment that I want. I caught him doing some fishy things, such as texting girls incredibly flirtatious things, and not being invited to a lot of events that he was going to. This is the second time he broke up with me. He broke up with me before because we had to be in a long distance relationship while I finished schooling. He said he wasn't willing to commit to me until I relocated to where he was. He originally wanted me to move in with him, and he said he planned on proposing and everything. He said that he had high hopes for us to live together and had it all planned out in his head, and for me to give up that chance to finish schooling was hurtful. Even after he broke up with me he was still calling me all of the time and sending me gifts. We ended up getting back together, and I relocated to where he is at and gave him what he wanted. While we were apart I felt like I was doing most of the sacrificing while in long distance, and it was clear to me he didn't want to do it, he says long distance is a deal breaker, but he did it for me, I almost feel he felt sorry for me now. I also felt incredibly insecure of an ex g/f who he did long distance with for 3-years, but it was an open relationship. He told me that we'd pick up where we left off when I moved in with him, and I turned down job offers to go be/live with him, as I thought that is what he wanted.

 

Well now he broke up with me again because he feels like our problems aren't getting better, he isn't happy with me being here, he hates having to come home to answer to someone, and he doesn't feel like we were ready to live together. I just find it frustrating he'd give up so easily, it has only been 3-months. He wants me to move out as soon as I can, so I'm looking at apartments and trying to find a better paying job. I'm planning on being out of here by next month at the latest, and he is letting me stay here for the time being, but isn't happy about it. However, now that we're broken up, I don't feel that anything has changed. He still is hanging out with me all the time, making me meals, taking me out, still saying I love, buying me expensive gifts. He even says he'll come visit me once I move, and I'm still more than welcome to visit him whenever I want and that he plans on getting me a fancy engagement ring when he can afford it. He also says that he feels like I took him for granted a lot. He says just having me here is too much, and I now feel like I've gotten dependent on him because I put all my eggs in his basket. It's incredibly confusing for me, and honestly really embarrassing. I now know we're over, but why does he continue to act like we're together when he broke up with me for a second time and is now kicking me out of his apartment and life. Advice??

 

He is my best friend, and I feel like knows me better than anyone. I can't really imagine my life without him. When I first came here, he helped me get a car and everything, and I just felt like we were at a much higher commitment level. Sure, we'd fight sometimes, but I didn't think it was to the point of just giving up after 3-months. It gives me hope when he says that he'll come back to me again someday.

 

Have some pride. You let him dump you three times now?? You moved to be with him? Really?? Sounds like you were doing a lot of work for him to be not "appreciative" of him. BEst friends don't kick you out of their apartment and life. Focus on you and get your life together this guy isn't worthy of you :)

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Summer Lovin Established Member

Summer Lovin

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I guess what's confusing is he would come visit me during his vacation time, but it's like he never wanted to do the long distance, he just did it because he felt obligated to or something. I think his wording was he couldn't be in a real relationship until I was where he was at, and it's like he blamed the distance for not committing to me. I don't think he was 100% faithful to me during the long distance. He told me that when I moved to be with him that things would be good and we'd take off right where we left off. It seemed like he wanted us to be together so badly at one point, and I don't know what changed. He bought me so many expensive things and is continuing to do, so it's confusing to me. I don't see why he'd do all of that, seems like it'd be easier to just commit to me through the good times and bad.

 

He tells me that he loves me and always will, and honestly I feel like we're perfect for each other, so I don't see why he wouldn't want to just commit to me since we've already been through so much together and know each other so well.

Mangledmess Member

Mangledmess

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I guess what's confusing is he would come visit me during his vacation time, but it's like he never wanted to do the long distance, he just did it because he felt obligated to or something. I think his wording was he couldn't be in a real relationship until I was where he was at, and it's like he blamed the distance for not committing to me. I don't think he was 100% faithful to me during the long distance. He told me that when I moved to be with him that things would be good and we'd take off right where we left off. It seemed like he wanted us to be together so badly at one point, and I don't know what changed. He bought me so many expensive things and is continuing to do, so it's confusing to me. I don't see why he'd do all of that, seems like it'd be easier to just commit to me through the good times and bad.

 

He tells me that he loves me and always will, and honestly I feel like we're perfect for each other, so I don't see why he wouldn't want to just commit to me since we've already been through so much together and know each other so well.

 

Honey, I'm sorry but it really does sound like he is an unfaithful guy and expensive gifts are just gifts no matter the cost and not a commitment.

 

I don't want to say everything I expect just because I know you're hurting but I promise it will get better. My ex wife was cheating on me while I was in Iraq and it was hard. But after I accepted things were over, I was able to move on and found someone much better. I pray this happens for you too.

Soat Established Member

Soat

Posted
Posted
I guess what's confusing is he would come visit me during his vacation time, but it's like he never wanted to do the long distance, he just did it because he felt obligated to or something. I think his wording was he couldn't be in a real relationship until I was where he was at, and it's like he blamed the distance for not committing to me. I don't think he was 100% faithful to me during the long distance. He told me that when I moved to be with him that things would be good and we'd take off right where we left off. It seemed like he wanted us to be together so badly at one point, and I don't know what changed. He bought me so many expensive things and is continuing to do, so it's confusing to me. I don't see why he'd do all of that, seems like it'd be easier to just commit to me through the good times and bad.

 

He tells me that he loves me and always will, and honestly I feel like we're perfect for each other, so I don't see why he wouldn't want to just commit to me since we've already been through so much together and know each other so well.

 

Denial isn't just a river apparently. Gosh. He probably just wanted sex and was doing what he needed to maintain it

Sparkle304 Established Member

Sparkle304

Posted
Posted

Get out of this relationship. It is nothing but a huge mind***k. Why allow, permit, encourage someone to treat you like this? I'm sure you're a wonderful person! Respect that and realize it's his loss!

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Summer Lovin Established Member

Summer Lovin

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I guess I don't understand why he wouldn't want to commit to me. I mean he loves me, and I've been there for him through the thick and thin and always had his back. His friends and family all like me, and it's like when the going gets a little tough he can't handle it (like a little long distance and the changes when living together). I just really feel if he can't commit to me then I don't know who he would commit to because it has been a 3-years with someone he loves and he tends to make excuse after excuse as to why he can't commit.

 

We are at the age where the majority of our friends are married and I'm just at a point of ready to move forward. I don't feel us doing that, just more limbo/back and forth. It's like he'll break up with me, but then not even act like anything is different. It seems like if there was another woman he'd just break up with me completely and pursue another person.

 

Also it's a huge waste of his time too. He also spent 3-years putting some investment in this and continues to do so. He has constantly said that he loves me, it's just the situation he doesn't like. So I feel like when I was away pursuing my goals and visiting him when I could that wasn't good enough, and then when I'm here with him like he wanted, that's not good enough either.

 

We dated in the same location for about 9-months and then were temporarily separated but still saw each other on a regular basis.

Edited by sassiechik21
Soat Established Member

Soat

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Posted
I guess I don't understand why he wouldn't want to commit to me. I mean he loves me, and I've been there for him through the thick and thin and always had his back. His friends and family all like me, and it's like when the going gets a little tough he can't handle it (like a little long distance and the changes when living together). I just really feel if he can't commit to me then I don't know who he would commit to because it has been a 3-years with someone he loves and he tends to make excuse after excuse as to why he can't commit.

 

We are at the age where the majority of our friends are married and I'm just at a point of ready to move forward. I don't feel us doing that, just more limbo/back and forth. It's like he'll break up with me, but then not even act like anything is different. It seems like if there was another woman he'd just break up with me completely and pursue another person.

 

Also it's a huge waste of his time too. He also spent 3-years putting some investment in this and continues to do so. He has constantly said that he loves me, it's just the situation he doesn't like. So I feel like when I was away pursuing my goals and visiting him when I could that wasn't good enough, and then when I'm here with him like he wanted, that's not good enough either.

 

We dated in the same location for about 9-months and then were temporarily separated but still saw each other on a regular basis.

 

Oh good grief. He can't commit to you because he isn't into you for marriage. Yes you wasted a lot of time, and you're wasting more of it groaning and asking "Oh why doesn't he love me or want to commit to me." Learn from this. Next time figure out what you want and demand it from the relationship early on. Tell the man "Hey I am looking to settle down, if you're not there with me then I need to move on" I have many many women friends who do this and didn't lose years of their lives on men who weren't on the same page.

 

If you can't see this I suggest you seek some professional counseling. :(

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