GG3 Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 This is just a question to everyone to get an idea of how everyone else is operating. I dated someone a year ago and I felt like I got burned. In the end, it seemed like our relationship didn't have enough emotional stuff and was too based on sex. I'm trying to change my dating style. So my questions are (1) How long do you wait before you sleep with someone for the first time? (2) Whether initiating or receiving and flirting back, how long do you wait before you start flirting sexually with someone if you decide you are attracted to them? (and you have been going on dates) (3) If someone flirts sexually with you, at what timeframe are you put off by that and think the relationship is too based on sex? By flirting I mean sexting, regular flirting, asking sexual questions, etc. Please tell if you mean someone you already know or someone met online also. I know for myself, I tend to operate slower if I met the person online since they are a complete stranger.
Fondue Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 This is just a question to everyone to get an idea of how everyone else is operating. I dated someone a year ago and I felt like I got burned. In the end, it seemed like our relationship didn't have enough emotional stuff and was too based on sex. I'm trying to change my dating style. So my questions are (1) How long do you wait before you sleep with someone for the first time? Whenever there is that sexual tension. Usually pretty early on in the courtship, actually. It isn't hard to "get her motor running" if you've got a gentle touch. Making out leads to everything. (2) Whether initiating or receiving and flirting back, how long do you wait before you start flirting sexually with someone if you decide you are attracted to them? (and you have been going on dates) I never sexually flirt. It seems cheesy to me. I usually avoid it completely, even after having sex or being in a relationship with a woman. (3) If someone flirts sexually with you, at what timeframe are you put off by that and think the relationship is too based on sex? Like my previous answer, I avoid sexual flirting, so I wouldn't even be participating in any of that. As far as knowing it is a purely sexual relationship? Well, being that I'm a man, I'm kind of in control of that. Most women want relationships, so it is more or less up to me to decide if I want that with her. Kind of easy, I guess. By flirting I mean sexting, regular flirting, asking sexual questions, etc. Please tell if you mean someone you already know or someone met online also. I know for myself, I tend to operate slower if I met the person online since they are a complete stranger. My answers are in the bold. I don't know if they are typical or weird, but those are my honest replies . Hope it helps.
acrosstheuniverse Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 (1) How long do you wait before you sleep with someone for the first time? It depends completely. All three of my prior significant relationships (2 years, 4 years, and five months of being an OW) involved sleeping together (or doing sexual stuff) before we ever made it official (which never happened with the guy having the affair with me). With my current new relationship, we decided to be exclusive (bf/gf) after a couple of weeks of hanging out (we met online) and we slept together pretty soon after. I know words are no guarantee but I knew I really liked him and that I didn't want to sleep with him and get hurt if it went nowhere, whereas with guys I wasn't interested in a relationship with, I'd sleep with them quickly and with no expectation or desire for anything further than friendship with benefits. This time I tried it the other way around! I told him I didn't want to do stuff (after heavy making out) until I knew where we were going, and he said he didn't want to scare me off but he wanted us to be together. Obviously I'd only known him a matter of weeks, but something just felt right, and I got the sense he wasn't just saying it to get laid. We've only been together two months now but it's going really well. In general, I'm happy to sleep with people without any relationship being present so I don't tend to 'wait' until exclusivity. But most of my dating experience has been in the past year since a really messy breakup and almost seven years of relationships, so I did go a bit crazy and sow my oats. (2) Whether initiating or receiving and flirting back, how long do you wait before you start flirting sexually with someone if you decide you are attracted to them? (and you have been going on dates) I just take it naturally. Some guys you get the vibe really early on that you're very sexually compatible and you both end up talking about sexual topics, others you don't (but can still end up being full of the right chemistry). (3) If someone flirts sexually with you, at what timeframe are you put off by that and think the relationship is too based on sex? If a guy starts talking sexual before any kind of friendship is formed, I would assume all they wanted is sex. Which is sometimes fine, but if I potentially liked them more than as sexual partners, I would be put off and not take things any further.
Author GG3 Posted August 21, 2013 Author Posted August 21, 2013 My answers are in the bold. I don't know if they are typical or weird, but those are my honest replies . Hope it helps. Thanks! I figure everyone's answers are going to be different. So do you never talk about sex with someone you are dating? 1
Fondue Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 Thanks! I figure everyone's answers are going to be different. So do you never talk about sex with someone you are dating? The only time I speak of sex with a woman is while I'm having sex with them. And as you probably figured, the conversation is very lacking at this point . We're both a bit distracted.
Phantom888 Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 It really depends on what age group you are in, and how experienced you are with relationships. I'm 39, and divorced for 4 years. The women I meet online are genuinely looking for relationships. They are mostly divorced with kids. We can be mature and talk about sex upfront. My current girlfriend and I have been very compatible since the beginning. Before we met in person, we talked on the phone for hours to try to get a sense of emotional and personality compatibility. When we met, the chemistry was amazing. We slept together on our 2nd date, which is very unusual for both of us. We just knew we were right for each other. Now we are heading into our 3rd month of bliss, and our kids will meet in a couple of weeks (Labor Day). Yes this is a serious relationship. If you are just dating, and looking for someone compatible, I think you can consider having sex after a month of dating. The sexual flirting is optional, as you are trying to get a feel of the other person's boundaries. It can be fun. But there are so many variables you'll have to really test it for yourself.
Author GG3 Posted August 21, 2013 Author Posted August 21, 2013 It really depends on what age group you are in, and how experienced you are with relationships. I'm 39, and divorced for 4 years. The women I meet online are genuinely looking for relationships. They are mostly divorced with kids. We can be mature and talk about sex upfront. My current girlfriend and I have been very compatible since the beginning. Before we met in person, we talked on the phone for hours to try to get a sense of emotional and personality compatibility. When we met, the chemistry was amazing. We slept together on our 2nd date, which is very unusual for both of us. We just knew we were right for each other. Now we are heading into our 3rd month of bliss, and our kids will meet in a couple of weeks (Labor Day). Yes this is a serious relationship. If you are just dating, and looking for someone compatible, I think you can consider having sex after a month of dating. The sexual flirting is optional, as you are trying to get a feel of the other person's boundaries. It can be fun. But there are so many variables you'll have to really test it for yourself. I'm 34. I've dated older men since I was 25. The guy I dated last year was 42. If I already know the person, I'm used to being sexual quickly. Usually we've hung out as friends or met through friends so we already know each other. The flirting begins pretty quickly after we've started dating and we usually have sex after a couple of weeks which would usually be a couple of dates and a lot of flirting. Since I already know them, I feel comfortable. The man I dated last year, I felt did not know how to develop an emotional connection along with the sexual connection as we dated. I felt as though he was younger emotionally and really needs someone to hold out on him until he is more emotionally invested before having sex with him. But the other men I have dated in the past seemed to be able to do both at the same time. I'm a very sexual person. So I've been doing what comes natural to me. But I'm wondering if I'm going about it wrong.
Phantom888 Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 I'm 34. I've dated older men since I was 25. The guy I dated last year was 42. If I already know the person, I'm used to being sexual quickly. Usually we've hung out as friends or met through friends so we already know each other. The flirting begins pretty quickly after we've started dating and we usually have sex after a couple of weeks which would usually be a couple of dates and a lot of flirting. Since I already know them, I feel comfortable. The man I dated last year, I felt did not know how to develop an emotional connection along with the sexual connection as we dated. I felt as though he was younger emotionally and really needs someone to hold out on him until he is more emotionally invested before having sex with him. But the other men I have dated in the past seemed to be able to do both at the same time. I'm a very sexual person. So I've been doing what comes natural to me. But I'm wondering if I'm going about it wrong. The older dudes aren't necessarily more mature emotionally. In fact, my girlfriend told me the older men she dated (mid-40s - mid-50s) were lifelong bachelors who never really knew what they wanted. They are basically "man-childs". It really depends on a person's individual personality and background experience. Being a very sexual person, you definitely want to stay within your age range as some men can be less sexual when they get older. Back to the question: Maybe you might want to take things slower and really get to know a person before getting sexually involved. I mean, once sex happens, your perspectives change. Have some dating objectives...such as evaluating things you have in common, or how one deals with stress and/or unpleasant situations. I believe sex will come naturally and even more passionately once you establish trust and understanding. Well worth the wait once you are sure.
sillyanswer Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 (1) How long do you wait before you sleep with someone for the first time? When it feels like the right time for both of us.
Author GG3 Posted August 22, 2013 Author Posted August 22, 2013 The older dudes aren't necessarily more mature emotionally. In fact, my girlfriend told me the older men she dated (mid-40s - mid-50s) were lifelong bachelors who never really knew what they wanted. They are basically "man-childs". It really depends on a person's individual personality and background experience. Being a very sexual person, you definitely want to stay within your age range as some men can be less sexual when they get older. That's a good point. The guy I dated last year was 42 and never married. He said he hasn't met the right person and it didn't sound like he ever was attached to anyone.
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