LilGirlandOW Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 In our whole 11mnths together I never knew when their Anniv was. Never even thought about it, its meaningless to me. MM met me today for breakfast and our usual hike we enjoy, the topic of our Anniv. came up as we have been together romantically for almost a year now. He gave me a goodluck charm of his that is special to him and a sweet teddybear (I just love his little gifts). So in talks of our Anniv. I asked when theirs was, he told me and its in days! YUK! He says they havnt celebrated it in over 10yrs, which i can believe as when I was M, my H and I never made much of a deal about our Anniv. or celebrated it at all, aside from a "who can remember about it first" type deal. I kinda wish now I didnt know it was soon, He will be working that night, and says his and my anniv is the only anniv he's counting down to. What is OW/OM/WS/BS experiences with Anniv during parallel relationships (M&A)? Anybody celebrate an A anniv?
TaintedLuv Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 We don't celebrate anything but we are aware of the date we met and acknowledge it. Unfortunately I know all too much about their M including their Anni. They celebrate. He takes her out to dinner every year and she gets a gift just like every other holiday/occasion. He plays the "perfect husband" role all too well. *rolleyes* This year was a double whammy for me. Her baby shower and their Anni were days apart. Needless to say, I was in a pretty bad state that week.
Owl Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 My wife was suffering from depression on our anniversary prior to her EA. She didn't want to put any effort into it, and I tried to be understanding and keep things low key given that's what she wanted. Later she used that as part of her 'reasons' she 'thought we were over'. Sometimes, you just can't win. Post affair...she has made huge efforts to ensure that every anniversary we've had since has been a big event. Last year was our 25th...and we celebrated it by renewing our vows in a major community event here, very public, and hugely fun for both of us. Something we'll both remember and cherish. 14
Author LilGirlandOW Posted August 21, 2013 Author Posted August 21, 2013 Ouch TaintedLuv, sorry to hear that. As time goes on, I'm really starting to think the BS in my situation is aware of the A, and it works out for her cause the intimacy issues are not an issue with them anymore, they conduct family business as usual, but it stops there.... fathers / mothers day and both their birthdays are recognized by the kids soley and also between him and I. He's very attentive about stuff to with our R, even remembers certain dates, events down to the details... Its all very sweet, but I still think YUK that their wedding Anniv is coming up soon...
wanting more Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 I never knew when xMM anniversary was. Didn't ask. For us, we went back to the same place we were first together each year.
So happy together Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 Oh man. He and she always went to dinner each year. The only anniversary they had together while we were together, I caused a huge fight and ruined it for him because he was so upset. She kept asking him what was wrong and he just said a terse 'nothing'. Then when ours came around this year, she (not knowing it was ours) had a big tantrum and nearly ruined ours! Karma. Lol We do celebrate ours though.
MissBee Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 I did not celebrate an "A anniversary". It wasn't a case like with a regular boyfriend where there was a normal trajectory of first date, or day we decided to be exclusive etc. So even thinking back, not sure what the anniversary of the A would be commemorating. I didn't know anything about their anniversary. Why did you bother to ask?
So happy together Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 I just want to qualify that I didn't cause a fight on purpose. I was just really upset and lost it.
ladydesigner Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 When we were in False R I made my WH a heartfelt anniversary card (with words of renewed love blah blah blah ). I found out we were in false R three days later. I ripped the anniversary card. We have always celebrated our wedding anniversary, and up until the anniversary (with the parallel relationship), they have all been wonderful.
canuckprincess Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 Our anniversary is very close to his birthday so we celebrate it. According to my mm they really don't do a whole lot for their anniversary. He of course could be downplaying it so it doesn't upset me. In my opinion since he's in the relationship with me his wedding anniversarys don't truly exsist to me. So the last 7 anniversaries have been a lie.
Daisy2013 Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 I had never given it thought until he mentioned it as we were supposed to see each other that night and he supposedly "forgot" about it and mentioned it to me that morning. So, we visited a while before he went home that evening, and as well on her b'day. Obviously, not a real caring guy.
Author LilGirlandOW Posted August 21, 2013 Author Posted August 21, 2013 My MM say they stopped celebrating when they lost the romantic love. He considers us to be in a monogamous relationship, celebrating it would compromise his faithfulness to me. I'm a very open minded person and in the begining told him I dont expect him to not ever have sex with BS, he's the one that insists they arn't intimately involved with eachother, how he's 100% faithful, etc etc. (although that could be just words as thats what the avg girl would wanna hear, mixed with the intention of keeping me exclusive to himself). Still the thought of their wedding day is all I see when I think of their Anniv. I'm not jealous of her what so ever.... but I am jealous of thoughts when they were in love and got to be open about it,,,,, so I'm jealous of her today for 18yrs ago, lol.
psm04 Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 He happened to mention when their anniversary was in the very beginning of their affair when things weren't serious, and I never forgot it. One of the major factors for me ending the affair was this year when we were planning to meet up (different date than the anniversary) and somehow or another it came about that they might do something on that day in lieu of their anniversary. Turned out that they didn't , but it was a huge eye opener for me and a huge reality check. He wasn't being a jerk about any of it, and even apologized ,but I realized then that I couldn't deal with it anymore. The day when we were planning our meeting around their anniversary celebration (if they were even going to) was the lowest moment of the whole affair for me, and regardless of how much it hurt, it helped me.
Author LilGirlandOW Posted August 21, 2013 Author Posted August 21, 2013 I see this alot from OW/fOW -- commetns about how the BS "just has to know" or "how can she not know". Is this a means of rationalization/justification on the part of OW. As in, well she "must" know and therefore obviously doesnt care, so its ok? And on the BS side, you hear over and over "I thought something was wrong, but didnt know what, and didnt in a million years think he'd be cheating" The problem your idea that she knows, is ok with it, and is fine just maintianing the status quo has some problems logic-wise. First of all, if she knows, they why must you keep it a secret? Secondly, keep in mind al the info you are getting on how they celebrate holidays, affairs, etc is coming from MM. And he is shown to be selfish and capable of deceipt. Just keep that in mind. I dont think she knows, and I dont think she'd be ok with it if she did. I also highly supsect there is quite more to their marriage then just co-parenting and living as roommates. Otherwise, why would MM bail when your being assaulted - why would he be so afraid of discovery that he'd leave your safety in question over his own need for BS not to discover? I imagine she'd feel even moreso about the A "milestone dates" were she privy to them. I'm not saying show knows for sure, just a feeling I get thats all. I think if she solidly knew (like had proff in her face to deal with) she would kick him to the curb, sometimes to some BS ignorance is bliss. The BS in my case probably is too busy with work (she is a work-a-holic) to connect the dots or look up and see the red flags, over ignorant.... cause I think she's a smart lady, and I know she doesnt need him $ wise, as her family is wealthy.
Got it Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 They didn't celebrate it as far I was aware, we were together the day of their anniversary during the affair and either we were together he was traveling since then. My ex and I would go out to dinner for it but I don't recall anything too special. I suck with dates so my husband knows the dates to things far better than me. I literally planned wedding dates to be on dates that would be easier to remember. I just never remember them! I think my memory is going in my old age.
BrokenPrincess Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 I still celebrated my anniversary with my H during my affair. I mentioned that is was our anniversary to my xMM and loosely told him what our plans were because I wouldn't be around that night (which was a break from our regular communication). Obviously I felt uncomfortable saying anything else about it or gifts etc and just kind of glossed over it the next day when he asked how it went (we had plans to do something unusual to celebrate). His 20 year anniversary was actually one week after DDay. We had plans to spend 3 days together right before, and I didn't even put it together until later, and I imagine they certainly did not celebrate that milestone anniversary.
whichwayisup Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 And on the BS side, you hear over and over "I thought something was wrong, but didnt know what, and didnt in a million years think he'd be cheating" Exactly. And why? Because many MM and MW are very skilled at lying and know how to cover their tracks, know the right things to say to smooth it over. So, why would a BS (husband or wife) doubt their spouse when they can look you (general you) in the eye and LIE so convincingly and say I love you, you're my everything, I'd never in a million years cheat you. " Just as easy as an OW/OM believing the lines/lies that MM/MW tell. It goes both ways. The ONLY person who knows what's what is the MM/MW as they are in control. On a wedding anniversary, of course he/she is going to LIE about what it is that could be bothering them, hide it well etc.. 7
So happy together Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 Any mm that tells the OW he celebrates the anniversary is a fool. The correct thing to say is that the anniversary is never celebrated. In my case, probably, because look at the result.
threelaurels Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 I see this alot from OW/fOW -- commetns about how the BS "just has to know" or "how can she not know". Is this a means of rationalization/justification on the part of OW. As in, well she "must" know and therefore obviously doesnt care, so its ok? And on the BS side, you hear over and over "I thought something was wrong, but didnt know what, and didnt in a million years think he'd be cheating" The problem your idea that she knows, is ok with it, and is fine just maintianing the status quo has some problems logic-wise. First of all, if she knows, they why must you keep it a secret? Secondly, keep in mind al the info you are getting on how they celebrate holidays, affairs, etc is coming from MM. And he is shown to be selfish and capable of deceipt. Just keep that in mind. I dont think she knows, and I dont think she'd be ok with it if she did. I also highly supsect there is quite more to their marriage then just co-parenting and living as roommates. Otherwise, why would MM bail when your being assaulted - why would he be so afraid of discovery that he'd leave your safety in question over his own need for BS not to discover? I imagine she'd feel even moreso about the A "milestone dates" were she privy to them. I think a BS who knows of the affair and honestly doesn't care is probably having an affair themselves. If I was in a situation where my partner was with someone else and I was okay with it, I would at least want to talk about it and make sure certain safety measures are being taken (i.e. safer sex). I wouldn't want my SO to unknowingly give me an STD if we were intimate. I also wouldn't want my SO to accidentally get the AP pregnant because that would bring about too many complications and would compromise my standard of living. I just don't see why anyone would choose to ignore the issue entirely unless they had something to hide themselves. I'm not saying show knows for sure, just a feeling I get thats all. I think if she solidly knew (like had proff in her face to deal with) she would kick him to the curb, sometimes to some BS ignorance is bliss. The BS in my case probably is too busy with work (she is a work-a-holic) to connect the dots or look up and see the red flags, over ignorant.... cause I think she's a smart lady, and I know she doesnt need him $ wise, as her family is wealthy. Because you have a relationship with your MM's children, I doubt she even has any suspicion. She may know something is wrong, but I don't think she suspects an affair or anything inappropriate with you. Anything that affects the children is the one situation where most mothers will draw the line. As a cop, she's probably working twelve hour rotating shifts and is too tired during the times she is home to notice anything. As far as anniversaries go, I've never been that into them. I let my SO take me out to dinner and a movie and that's about it. I'm just really not much of a sentimental person when it comes to that sort of thing.
JourneyLady Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 (edited) We used to celebrate ours yearly by going to dinner. Also sometimes ex-husband would even celebrate on that day of the month. (Don't want to give away the date here.) Bringing home flowers and etc. On the last anniversary before (I think) his affair, his card asked me for 30 more years and telling me what a good wife I was. Four months later and suddenly he had "never been happy"? Weird. I think really he was just playing at the role of romantic. I'm sure he does the same thing with her now and thinks he means it. I still think of him sometimes on that day. It got stuck in my head. He made a romantic thing out of counting the months. And when it comes to knowing he was in an affair. First thing I did was ask if he used protection. He said yes. Later he admitted he didn't and said yes on the spur of the moment because he realized the risk he had taken (for both of us) and got scared. It was amazing to me how easily he could lie. Edited August 22, 2013 by JourneyLady
crederer Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 He's telling you what he thinks you want to hear. And apparently, he was right as you're eating it up.
Quiet Storm Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 In my case, probably, because look at the result. This is off topic, I know, but what is your avatar? For weeks every time I see it, I am trying to figure it out. Is it happy pills? Utz cheese balls? Captain Crunch? 1
cocorico Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 In our whole 11mnths together I never knew when their Anniv was. Never even thought about it, its meaningless to me. MM met me today for breakfast and our usual hike we enjoy, the topic of our Anniv. came up as we have been together romantically for almost a year now. He gave me a goodluck charm of his that is special to him and a sweet teddybear (I just love his little gifts). So in talks of our Anniv. I asked when theirs was, he told me and its in days! YUK! He says they havnt celebrated it in over 10yrs, which i can believe as when I was M, my H and I never made much of a deal about our Anniv. or celebrated it at all, aside from a "who can remember about it first" type deal. I kinda wish now I didnt know it was soon, He will be working that night, and says his and my anniv is the only anniv he's counting down to. What is OW/OM/WS/BS experiences with Anniv during parallel relationships (M&A)? Anybody celebrate an A anniv? He made a big deal of our "semiversary" (6months) and every anniversary since. He's very romantic so loves any opportunity like that. Theirs, notsomuch. In fact on their 30th anniversary we were away together and when he went back a few weeks later she took his head off for not having organised some vast event to advertise the occasion.
Sarabi Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 Any mm that tells the OW he celebrates the anniversary is a fool. The correct thing to say is that the anniversary is never celebrated. You thought that was foolish? Mine went a step further into the realms of stupidity... One day he was texting and telling me that they were going out somewhere but they hadn't found a babysitter...so he asked his wife if I could babysit :confused: :confused: :confused: I asked him if he was crazy... He said she refused... :rolleyes: Yeah of course, I wonder WHY!? She must be a patient woman to have a Y-chromosomed creature so dumb... As for anniversaries I know the date of theirs. We met roundabout this time last year...however, I prefer to remember and congratulate myself on not having spoken to that person for more than two months. Two months NC is a far more worthy anniversary wouldn't you say so? 2
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