Philosopher Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 On Sunday I met up with this girl from OKC for coffee. The date seemed to go very well, there was quite a bit of flirting, she laughed at most of my jokes and she implied it would be good to meet up again, by suggesting we should visit certain places together. The date only lasted an hour as we both had things to do later that evening. A few hours after the date I sent her a flirty text saying it was really good to meet each other. She replied about an hour later via an OKC message saying we should chat over a smartphone IM app that we both had. The following morning I sent her a message saying she should contact me first through this IM app. However she did not contact me. Later that evening I sent her an IM phone message, but I never got a reply. I waited until the next day and then trying calling her, however the phone just went to voicemail. She did not return my call or send any text. I have not tried to contact her since. As the date went so well I'm a bit confused what went wrong here . Is there something really obvious I did wrong? Or is it just one of those random unpredictable things. Finally should I try to contact her again?
Mascara Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 Send something through OKC? Might be something up with her phone.
Star Gazer Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 A few hours after the date I sent her a flirty text saying it was really good to meet each other. She replied about an hour later via an OKC message saying we should chat over a smartphone IM app that we both had. The following morning I sent her a message saying she should contact me first through this IM app. However she did not contact me. Why did you tell her to contact you using the app when she'd already told you to do so? You've messaged her through OKC, texted, IM'd ans called. I wouldn't contact her again.
Author Philosopher Posted August 21, 2013 Author Posted August 21, 2013 Why did you tell her to contact you using the app when she'd already told you to do so? I did this mainly as I thought it would make me seem more of a challenge.
SoaringPhenix Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 I did this mainly as I thought it would make me seem more of a challenge. Just my opinion but if a guy did this to me it would more likely come off as game playing then him being a challenge. I can't speak to whats she is thinking though. 1
Mascara Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 I did this mainly as I thought it would make me seem more of a challenge. Yeah. She probably sensed that. If she did, and was anything like me (and many women) she'd be put right off. 1
Fondue Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 I did this mainly as I thought it would make me seem more of a challenge. You didn't come off as a challenge, but more or less someone whom is playing a game, or lacking confidence in getting that conversational "ball rolling." It almost seemed like you were trying to play a game of, "you first," "no, YOU first." I wouldn't blame her if she lost interest. ALso, you attempted to contact her on all different levels. Kind of needy there. If I was in your situation, I would have done the following instead: Went on an initial date with her (skip the coffee though, would have done something fun instead, maybe arcades+beer). Showed her some physical interest during the date, some light touching, highfiving her (but prolonging the holding of the hand), etc. If she seemed physically receptive to my advances, I would go for a walk and take the "long route" home (or in whatever direction she needed to go to) while holding her hand. Ended the date there. And would have held off to calling her for late afternoon the following day. Maybe send her a text that time instead, if I was feeling lazy. This call and text would already have a plan for a next date. As in, what I want to her to, and what we will be doing. I would most likely even had the date for the next "date" ready in my mind as well. She agrees, and we meet the following time. Don't need to keep crazy amount of contact between dates either. I would have avoided going back to message on OKC or any of these silly IM apps. I think that's just stupid. Keep it phone to phone, or at least text to text. Anything else is moving backwards. Also, "challenges" are not fake-able. You're not going to "look" like a challenge unless you are one. Men with options come off as men with options (and challenging) because why? Because they have options. The only way you become this is if you multi-date. Multi-date hard. I was doing this for a while (recently stopped, after my posting my recent thread about a month ago). I was coming off as suave to women because I had just that, I had other women I could get sex/dates from. But you know what? It's ****ing expensive and time consuming. Not worth it. Hell, I am down to only two women I date regularly, and it's still a damn hassle. 3
Star Gazer Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 I did this mainly as I thought it would make me seem more of a challenge. I figured as much; that's a huge turn-off when a man games and tries to make me chase him after a first meet/date. I wouldn't have responded/contacted you either.
Author Philosopher Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 Just my opinion but if a guy did this to me it would more likely come off as game playing then him being a challenge. I can't speak to whats she is thinking though. I did not intend to play any games with her, however reading some of the replies I can understand how it may be perceived that way. I got this idea from PUA stuff I had read, so either the advice I had read was rubbish or I had misapplied the advice.
It-is-what-it-is. Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 I did not intend to play any games with her, however reading some of the replies I can understand how it may be perceived that way. I got this idea from PUA stuff I had read, so either the advice I had read was rubbish or I had misapplied the advice. Advice is rubbish!
Star Gazer Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 I did not intend to play any games with her... Uh, yes you did...? How can you say otherwise? You said you did it because you thought it would make you seem more of a challenge. That's the same as "playing hard to get." It's a game.
Imajerk17 Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 (edited) OP, what is the shortest path from Point A to Point B? A straight line. Point A was the end of that first date. Point B was a second date. What you needed to do at the end of the first date was do your part to set up the second date, while she was still in your presence. Now that's no guarantee of anything, as she could have said yes and then cancelled or flaked or vanished, or she could have said "let me check my schedule" and then disappear on you. But then you would have gotten a much clearer picture of things with you and this girl. Now, I actually wonder if this girl was that interested as she suggested this app. She was adding steps---complicating things herself, by suggesting that app. The thing to do then though, would have been to try to get to Point B as quickly as possible and set up a second date, maybe contacting her first through that app, maybe over text. The way you handled things, you're not sure where you lost her--she might have already FZ'd you the next day after your first date, or she was put-off or distracted by your indirect communication, or she went on another great date. All might not be lost though. Think up a good second date idea. Text her asking her how her week was. She might get back to you. If she does, then you suggest the second date idea. You really have nothing to lose. Next time think of being more direct, and how to cut those annoying communication/logistics steps out. Edited August 23, 2013 by Imajerk17 2
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