Sorry, gotta bring it up again. Why the bad boy?

August 21, 2013

THIS IS NOT A RANT - There actually is a question at the bottom.

I know, I know...I have heard all the theories - daddy issues, low self-esteem, challenge of conquering the unobtainable...yada, yada.

But I have reached a point in my life where I am forced to make a major, MAJOR decision for my well being based on this aspect of women's behavior. I have seen by far the majority of women choose a 'bad' guy over a 'good' guy. They know fully well the guy is bad, but for some reason give him a pass. Then, of course, they get wacked. More than once they have returned to me on these accounts hoping I will take them back after they have had their fun, sometimes at my expense.

This can create an extremely unpleasant situation for a man of true conscious, integrity and compasion. Nice does not mean doormat.

Although it seems logical to me that sincere interest, caring and respect is a good thing, EVERY woman I have met feels differently. Swagger trumps heart every time.

Really. Should I give up worrying about caring, get an earing, a nice tat and cruise socker games for married women (rent a ho), refer to women as hos and b*****s, load up my cell phone with disgusting pictures of last nights activities to pass around the locker room to stroke my ego?

Can anyone give me a solid reason why I should not abdondon being a good guy?

August 21, 2013

Women crave a man who makes their heart race, challenges life, and has a smirk that makes them nervous. Many negative qualities often invoke these feelings in women.

If you are inherently a good guy with said disposition, you will find it hard to consciously behave in a bad way. Maybe with enough hatred and anger you could but still I don't think you will enjoy it.

The best advice I can give is try being a good guy with a wild side.

August 21, 2013

There's a difference between being a 'nice guy' and too easy. There's also a difference between being a 'bad boy' and confident.

It's human nature to want what you can't have. Hence, bad boys and their confidence strike women as attractive. Women know that they have to work to get this guy's attention. On the other hand, most nice guys I've ever known always make it too obvious and easy for me. And that's where the 'friendzoning' occurs. I adore them, but I know everything about them and it's become too difficult to transition it into a romantic interest.

Now, this doesn't apply for everyone. But if I see a nice, confident guy who doesn't give everything away, I'm going to be more curious about him and make an effort to get to know him. You probably have exactly the same qualities as this guy, but you might not be selling yourself in the best way. So be confident and know your self-worth. You know you have great qualities, so women should respect your value and work just as hard as you do.

August 21, 2013

If you've read all the theories and whatnot what more insight do you possibly think you're going to find here? Honestly, if you think becoming a douchebag will help you pull women then by all means, go for it. This thread is going achieve nothing and will quickly become a tried rehash of the same regurgitated BS from all sides.

By the way, it's amazing how many so-called nice guys seem to think it's their "niceness" that's really getting in the way. A good looking, well put together "nice guy" is not going to be hurting for female attention unless he is completely socially inept.

No. If you're comfortable putting on a fake persona in order to score with women or even obtain a stable relationship you go right ahead.

I agree simply being nice isnt attractive if youre not good looking then its not gonna matter if you have the heart of gandhi its not gonna get womens panties wet..

I dont think most women want a "bad boy" they just might put up with a bunch of bs if the guys good looking enough but they dont seek it out..

August 21, 2013

THIS IS NOT A RANT - There actually is a question at the bottom.

I know, I know...I have heard all the theories - daddy issues, low self-esteem, challenge of conquering the unobtainable...yada, yada.

But I have reached a point in my life where I am forced to make a major, MAJOR decision for my well being based on this aspect of women's behavior. I have seen by far the majority of women choose a 'bad' guy over a 'good' guy. They know fully well the guy is bad, but for some reason give him a pass. Then, of course, they get wacked. More than once they have returned to me on these accounts hoping I will take them back after they have had their fun, sometimes at my expense.

This can create an extremely unpleasant situation for a man of true conscious, integrity and compasion. Nice does not mean doormat.

Although it seems logical to me that sincere interest, caring and respect is a good thing, EVERY woman I have met feels differently. Swagger trumps heart every time.

Really. Should I give up worrying about caring, get an earing, a nice tat and cruise socker games for married women (rent a ho), refer to women as hos and b*****s, load up my cell phone with disgusting pictures of last nights activities to pass around the locker room to stroke my ego?

Can anyone give me a solid reason why I should not abdondon being a good guy?

Women really dig intelligent men...Id focus more in that department..It helps to have a good bod, though as well...

Be true to yourself...nothing looks worse than a good guy trying to make like a "playa"

.02

TFY

August 21, 2013

I think he's confusing bad for confidence. From what I've seen the so called ''nice'' guys are really the jerks but in disguise. They are not being nice in general but trying to trick the girl into something. They're up to something and that makes them just as bad as the complete douchebag, actually worse because they are hiding under this ''I'm nice'' persona.

Nothing worse than a phony, a fraud. At least someone bad, you can tell right away and not give them the time at all unless it's a girl that likes drama. With someone ''nice'', they're lying to you the whole time in order to get something in return.

What we like is a kind guy in general, not a douchebag nor a phony.

August 21, 2013

Certainly don't want to rehash. No point in that. We can end the thread at that point. I think the current repsonses will nicely sum up any all all addional ones to come.

It's just I really want to understand so I can quit getting hurt.

Yes, we all know a person with a healthy self-esteem, confidence or 'wild side' traits is more attractive. But the question is do these traits trump virtue? Will women sacrifice being respected as a person for sex, drugs and rock-n-roll?

Let me also refraise for the issue is not tainted. Let's use player (P) instead of bad and non-player (NP) instead of good. It is only a life style.

Here is the typical scenerio I have witnessed. Girl chooses P over NP. P uses and dumps her. Now he is suddenly a 'jerk' even though she knew he was before and her self-esteem is now further taken down a notch making her ready prey for the next player. So, she either keeps getting hurt or eventually accepts a NP.

I guess my question is: Are there non-player women who will not accept, on principle alone, players regardless of the degree of attraction? Will they truly accept a less attractive guy for integrity alone. I ask because I have never seen one. I have known women of all faces, well-educated, respected position, smart, stupid, whatever. All of them have discared principle the instant a player walks into a room.

I have, for years, debated the morality of this and seen the damage it can do, but experience has left me confused. Why engage in activities with people that will hurt you and others, who only care about themselves? Or am I just wrong? I am not being sarcastic, I truly believe I am missing the point.

Edited August 21, 2013 by bob the brave

August 21, 2013

We are looking for the elusive exciting nice guy. In the process, we may kiss a lot of frogs.

August 21, 2013

Here's an excellent example:

Monica Lewinsky. She had a very respected position, but fell for a player. Yes, he was powerful, yes he was smart, yes he was charming. Yes he was a player. As a result he was nearly impeached, the integrity of his family challenged and she will be forever liked with the term 'whore' wherever she goes regardless of whether or not it is truly deserved. Here is a smart girl in a well respected position who cares nothing for family, integrity, honnor or respect.

August 21, 2013

Certainly don't want to rehash. No point in that. We can end the thread at that point. I think the current repsonses will nicely sum up any all all addional ones to come.

It's just I really want to understand so I can quit getting hurt.
Yes, we all know a person with a healthy self-esteem, confidence or 'wild side' traits is more attractive. But the question is do these traits trump virtue? Will women sacrifice being respected as a person for sex, drugs and rock-n-roll?

Let me also refraise for the issue is not tainted. Let's use player (P) instead of bad and non-player (NP) instead of good. It is only a life style.

Here is the typical scenerio I have witnessed. Girl chooses P over NP. P uses and dumps her. Now he is suddenly a 'jerk' even though she knew he was before and her self-esteem is now further taken down a notch making her ready prey for the next player. So, she either keeps getting hurt or eventually accepts a NP.

I guess my question is: Are there non-player women who will not accept, on principle alone, players regardless of the degree of attraction? Will they truly accept a less attractive guy for integrity alone. I ask because I have never seen one. I have known women of all faces, well-educated, respected position, smart, stupid, whatever. All of them have discared principle the instant a player walks into a room.

I have, for years, debated the morality of this and seen the damage it can do, but experience has left me confused. Why engage in activities with people that will hurt you and others, who only care about themselves? Or am I just wrong? I am not being sarcastic, I truly believe I am missing the point.

You're missing the point because, probably through no fault of your own, you're doing exactly what every guy like you does: seeing it in a very black-and-white manner. You just see the "bad guy" getting the girl and come to the logical conclusion that this is what girls like. You have to look much deeper into the behaviors of the "bad guy" and how he gets those girls. It's not exactly the being bad - it is the excitement, the boldness.

The less-attractive guy (physically) does not have to act like a whimpering sideman just because. He can indeed find out which of his traits he can easily bring forth into his persona, how he can not necessarily change himself, but bring more out of his himself more often.

The thing you have to understand is that often when it comes to attraction, virtue usually has nothing to do with it. The sooner you accept that the better. That doesn't mean you can't be virtuous and attractive - you absolutely can. Just don't rely on it to get you the girl. You have to have a bit more than that. Attraction is a different ball game and it is not logical. Understand and accept that, and it will be easier.

August 21, 2013

I'm sure Monica Lewinsky was under no illusion that she and Bill were going to have a "relationship."

This.

She was probably doing the same thing many men do with overly experienced women they meet at bars (use them for the fun and then ditch them) and later on settle for a non-promiscuous woman.

Some girls just like having flings for the fun of it but would probably never call consider that guy their bf but more like a FWB or casual thing.

Lastly, Monica and Bill really deserved each other. Both of them have some things in common: they have no morals nor integrity, are selfish and have no concerns over destroying a family. I think Monica was probably using Bill too. He was a player but she wasn't any better either.

August 21, 2013

I'm sure Monica Lewinsky was under no illusion that she and Bill were going to have a "relationship."

And no one got more out of just giving a blow job then she did..She likely wouldnt have been anything more than a chubby intern among the thousands before her...

TFY

August 21, 2013

Can anyone give me a solid reason why I should not abdondon being a good guy?

because there are good women out there. Keep looking. Don't give up.

August 21, 2013

I agree simply being nice isnt attractive if youre not good looking then its not gonna matter if you have the heart of gandhi its not gonna get womens panties wet...

To be honest, Gandhi wasn't even really that nice of a person. He was quite racist and condescending towards non-Indians and non-whites.

August 21, 2013

Everyone makes mistakes the question is do they learn from it or not.

Some people just don't learn.

So I guess the real question is how much do you want to put up with? You want to be someone's financial and emotional caretaker? I sure don't but I guess some people are okay with that.

August 21, 2013

You're missing the point because, probably through no fault of your own, you're doing exactly what every guy like you does: seeing it in a very black-and-white manner. You just see the "bad guy" getting the girl and come to the logical conclusion that this is what girls like. You have to look much deeper into the behaviors of the "bad guy" and how he gets those girls. It's not exactly the being bad - it is the excitement, the boldness.

The less-attractive guy (physically) does not have to act like a whimpering sideman just because. He can indeed find out which of his traits he can easily bring forth into his persona, how he can not necessarily change himself, but bring more out of his himself more often.

The thing you have to understand is that often when it comes to attraction, virtue usually has nothing to do with it. The sooner you accept that the better. That doesn't mean you can't be virtuous and attractive - you absolutely can. Just don't rely on it to get you the girl. You have to have a bit more than that. Attraction is a different ball game and it is not logical. Understand and accept that, and it will be easier.

Thanks Wholigan, this makes a great deal of sense. I know most people are not attracted to bad behavior that will get them hurt. They either don't see it coming or they have low self-esteem or the other person is so hot they are willing to get stiches every now and then.

What confused me is why some girls have dumped me in place of abuse only to return. And when they did, it is obvious it was only because they knew they would be treated well and respected. So, why not opt for this first? But, as you have made clear, it is a package deal and virtue is only a part.

August 21, 2013

So, why not opt for this first?part.

They go back to you because you let them. You're getting played like a fool buddy. Next time this female 'friend' comes back to you tell her to take a hike.

August 21, 2013

Thanks Wholigan, this makes a great deal of sense. I know most people are not attracted to bad behavior that will get them hurt. They either don't see it coming or they have low self-esteem or the other person is so hot they are willing to get stiches every now and then.

What confused me is why some girls have dumped me in place of abuse only to return. And when they did, it is obvious it was only because they knew they would be treated well and respected. So, why not opt for this first? But, as you have made clear, it is a package deal and virtue is only a part.

Who cares? She is screwed up. Why do you want her?

August 21, 2013

Hoenstly i dotn know many women at all who like "bad boys" the few who do are thmesvles not very good people or people you want to make partners.

Very few stable sane women want douchebags or people with no character or morals

August 22, 2013

Can anyone give me a solid reason why I should not abdondon being a good guy?

No. It's exhausting always trying to do the "good" or "right" thing all the time. It's thankless -- you end up burying yourself in responsibilities and commitments that you're not sure you want but you hope will lead to some semblance of satisfaction down the road.

I don't know about "trying" to be a bad boy -- you'll probably find that there are certain core aspects of your personality that you want to keep even if they are "good" or "nice". What's probably better is working to get to the point where if a woman rejects you for being too "nice" or "dull", you can confidently tell her (at least in your mind), "that's too f***ing bad!"

August 22, 2013

No. It's exhausting always trying to do the "good" or "right" thing all the time. It's thankless -- you end up burying yourself in responsibilities and commitments that you're not sure you want but you hope will lead to some semblance of satisfaction down the road.

I don't know about "trying" to be a bad boy -- you'll probably find that there are certain core aspects of your personality that you want to keep even if they are "good" or "nice". What's probably better is working to get to the point where if a woman rejects you for being too "nice" or "dull", you can confidently tell her (at least in your mind), "that's too f***ing bad!"

One could try being good AND learning how to set boundaries, so you don't end up being a thankless doormat and don't have to be a bad boy either.

August 22, 2013

One could try being good AND learning how to set boundaries, so you don't end up being a thankless doormat and don't have to be a bad boy either.

It's hard to focus on being good and exciting at the same time.

August 22, 2013

It's hard to focus on being good and exciting at the same time.

It's supposed to be hard. Anything that you have to learn how to do will be somewhat difficult - that's how you build strength and grow.

August 22, 2013

Bad boys attract emotionally unstable trainwrecks. No thanks no matter how hot they are. They are fun to play with when you are just not in a relationship mood but nothing beyond that.

August 22, 2013

You can't fake being bad. I went through a bad period between marriages and it was real because at that point I just didn't give a funk. I was through trying to impress women and didn't expect anything from them. Honestly it did sort of work but not with quality women.

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Sorry, gotta bring it up again. Why the bad boy?

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