LDR, great in person, garbage communication.

[interfuse]

I'm a girlfriend of this guy who is amazing in person, but he is so horrible at talking to me over text, phone, and Xbox chat. Voice chatting is better than text, but nothing beats him being awesome in person. In person, he shows me attention, affection, spends time with me, etc. Awesome boyfriend in person. It is bothering because it's long distance (2 hours away) and we can't see each other often except for weekends and not every weekend either because he's in the military and needs to report to his unit a weekend a month. He's not deployed and not active duty so he basically lives a civilian life with a full time civilian job. Anyway one of my friends said it could because he's military he's trained to not show a lot of emotion which I think is bull. Anyone dating a military guy can chime in on this.

 

So I tried discussing my concerns to him, and he's agreed to my concerns, but I haven't seen some improvement yet. He used to talk a lot more to me before he came home from vacation and then I noticed he was showing "not-as-much" communication (phone/Xbox chat). Then we dated, etc and it was amazing and when he went back home it was still the same "not-as-much" communication.

 

I asked what was wrong and he said nothing and that he's home and has work and other stuff to do. I get that, but at least when you're free try to talk to me or ask me to play games or even say a hi over text something whatever it can be a one liner text whatever! I asked a lot of people about this and they said he might just not be one to be good at showing emotions when not in person. This is true and it wouldn't be a problem if we have lived closer! But we don't live close so it's not like I can see him everyday. Anyways we barely talk unless we hang out in person which is stupid. He insists he's still into me and wants to be my boyfriend after I keep asking him. And I also asked if he wanted to be friends instead or bf/gf and he said why did I ask him that. Well I don't know and I said I'll still like to be with him and asked if he did too. He said yes and that he wants to be my boyfriend still.

 

I feel like it's not a relationship if we don't even talk during the week. We were supposed to play games over Xbox Live, but I blew him off because I didn't feel it's worth playing anything with him for awhile.

 

He's trying to borrow the car from his mom so he can go see me on my birthday. Well see that's another issues that he might or might not be able to come see me at all. Okay so what the communication is bad, make an effort to come see me again at least? But I have to keep reminding him to ask his mom if he can borrow the car whatever. He said he will try his best to come see me again this weekend. Really, I want to fix one or the other issues, but he's lacking: the communication department and making an effort to come see me again.

 

I will say the first time he came see me, he went all out and stayed at a motel for two nights so he can spend time with me, but that was that weekend. And unfortunately, I don't think he's like that anymore.

Edited August 21, 2013 by interfuse

[New User]

I'm a girlfriend of this guy who is amazing in person, but he is so horrible at talking to me over text, phone, and Xbox chat. Voice chatting is better than text, but nothing beats him being awesome in person. In person, he shows me attention, affection, spends time with me, etc. Awesome boyfriend in person. It is bothering because it's long distance (2 hours away) and we can't see each other often except for weekends and not every weekend either because he's in the military and needs to report to his unit a weekend a month. He's not deployed and not active duty so he basically lives a civilian life with a full time civilian job. Anyway one of my friends said it could because he's military he's trained to not show a lot of emotion which I think is bull. Anyone dating a military guy can chime in on this.

 

So I tried discussing my concerns to him, and he's agreed to my concerns, but I haven't seen some improvement yet. He used to talk a lot more to me before he came home from vacation and then I noticed he was showing "not-as-much" communication (phone/Xbox chat). Then we dated, etc and it was amazing and when he went back home it was still the same "not-as-much" communication.

 

I asked what was wrong and he said nothing and that he's home and has work and other stuff to do. I get that, but at least when you're free try to talk to me or ask me to play games or even say a hi over text something whatever it can be a one liner text whatever! I asked a lot of people about this and they said he might just not be one to be good at showing emotions when not in person. This is true and it wouldn't be a problem if we have lived closer! But we don't live close so it's not like I can see him everyday. Anyways we barely talk unless we hang out in person which is stupid. He insists he's still into me and wants to be my boyfriend after I keep asking him. And I also asked if he wanted to be friends instead or bf/gf and he said why did I ask him that. Well I don't know and I said I'll still like to be with him and asked if he did too. He said yes and that he wants to be my boyfriend still.

 

I feel like it's not a relationship if we don't even talk during the week. We were supposed to play games over Xbox Live, but I blew him off because I didn't feel it's worth playing anything with him for awhile.

 

He's trying to borrow the car from his mom so he can go see me on my birthday. Well see that's another issues that he might or might not be able to come see me at all. Okay so what the communication is bad, make an effort to come see me again at least? But I have to keep reminding him to ask his mom if he can borrow the car whatever. He said he will try his best to come see me again this weekend. Really, I want to fix one or the other issues, but he's lacking: the communication department and making an effort to come see me again.

 

I will say the first time he came see me, he went all out and stayed at a motel for two nights so he can spend time with me, but that was that weekend. And unfortunately, I don't think he's like that anymore.

 

 

I must have missed that training .

 

Honestly-and I don't mean to be insulting or cruel- it sounds like your relationship has more or less run its course. He's not giving you what you feel like you need and this is probably aggravated by the distance issue. I'm guessing that you are both very young. You want to hold onto each other but it just doesn't sound like it's working. If you can't resolve the communication issue- and it doesn't sound like you've been able to despite you explaining what you need to him- it's just a matter of time until things implode.

 

I kind of get the impression that you're playing a little bit of a game with him too when you say "I blew him off because I didn't feel it's worth playing anything with him for awhile." It generally isn't a good idea to blow someone off if you intend to maintain a relationship with them. Whatever reason you may feel you have, it isn't likely to help things. Honestly it sounds like this has lapsed into a convenience thing and I think that both of you would be better off ending it.

[interfuse]

Ok thanks. Yeah I shouldn't have done that, but I was honestly feeling like **** and was tired. My friend suggest I have a sit down talk with my bf in person of what I want when it comes to communication. He's not a bad boyfriend, he just sucks at talking when we're not in person.

[justwhoiam]

one of my friends said it could because he's military he's trained to not show a lot of emotion which I think is bull.

It also depends on what kind of role he has in the military.

 

Anyway, he might be aware his phone conversations can be recorded and he keeps them at a minimum. Same for the texts.

 

About using his mom's car... sounds a bit "childish" for a grown-up man. How old is he? Can't he afford a second-hand car? In the US they can be really cheap and I'm sure he could find one with a very low budget.

 

Regarding playing Xbox, I'd never demand a boyfriend to spend hours on a game. First of all, it creates a bad habit, it's a lazy thing to do and time would be better spent doing something else. That's just my opinion because I have a life and a family and I already work at the PC all day long. When he calls me, honestly I take advantage to relax my eyes. We can play a game just for the fun of it, provided it doesn't take up too much time, and anyway due to the lack of intimacy for spans of times that are basically longer than the ones of a normal couple, he prefers to have some alone time with me... and LDR intimacy.

[Els]

How much is 'not as much' communication or 'barely talking', OP? I'm asking because personal definitions can vary widely on that.

 

Personally, we did have a lot of communication over the internet when we were long distance, but that was because the distance was really, really LONG, so skype was all we really had. If it had been a semi-LDR like yours, I would probably have been okay with much less contact during weekdays, since we'd see each other on weekends anyway. But again, it depends on how much you are actually getting.

 

As far as your birthday is concerned, yeah, I do think it's a little concerning if he isn't making the effort to come see you, especially since you're only 2 hours away. But he has said that he is trying, though. Is there a reason (past history, etc) for you to doubt his word on that?