red4kat Posted November 9, 2004 Posted November 9, 2004 Hey guys, this is a little bit weird. It is something I can easily talk to other people's boyfriends with no problems but not mine. So I have this great relationship with a slightly younger guy (only about 3 years yonger than me but in some areas I can really feel it). Everything is great and we love each other, except for one little thing that bugs me a little and I have no idea how to change. He doesn't understand much about women and how to treat them. I mean he is a great person, not an a**h*** but he treats me like I am one of the dudes, not his girlfriend. Examples, everything is equal and has to be, which is the american way, I know but some things about it is not nessesarily what I agree with. Also some of it isn't just American ways. He ended up taking into account who paid for dinner last time so to be fair the next person has to do it this time. It is fair I agree, but a bit annoying and takes away from romance quite a bit. Romance is what's missing. He has never given me flowers during the entire time of us being together, no gifts except for birthday which was kinda dry, as far as any piece of jewelry, I might as well forget those exist. I ended up buying a couple of necklaces myself and he loved it that I wore them. Every now and then I came up with some creative ideas for how to spice our life: I gave him a surprize birthday party which he loved, I went to get his most favorite candies and mailed them to him from London when I was working there, got into books on how to spice up sex, lingeres and stuff. He's done nothing of the sort. I am afraid if I tell him he's gonna get really upset, actually I KNOW he will. Not only that, if I start talking about those things they might lose their value. I also know it's not such a big issue to break up with somebody, but how in the world do I tell him without him ending up thinking that I am unhappy with everything he does. Any ideas out there?
ixlives Posted November 13, 2004 Posted November 13, 2004 If he's not into it, he's not into it. I just broke up with my girlfriend for two years, I brought her flowers regularly, had a tub ran and waiting for her when she would get home, would leave little "i love you notes", give her massages, and go out of my way to make days like, her birthday, valentines day, etc. special and memorable. She never showed any emotion or feelings about them, I though girls were into that and enjoyed doing that. So, either he's just noy into tthose things or in my case not into those things because his interest is somewhere else, as was in my case.
tokyo Posted November 13, 2004 Posted November 13, 2004 I´d freak out and in fact, I did. I´m not sure if it´s insecurity or maybe I´m dramatizing too much, but I think a guy who treats you like this is not really in love. My ex was very sweet, but just not with these things and I also think when you have to tell someone that it would be nice to get flowers or anything it kind of loses its value. I always say generous people are also generous with their love and it´s not the materialistic aspect that explains why it would be nice to get a little present once in a while. It´s the thought that is behind it.
Author red4kat Posted November 17, 2004 Author Posted November 17, 2004 I am so with you kooky! It really helps to have someone understand how I feel. I hope I didn't come across as being materialistc and stuff but it really is like you put it, "it's the thought that counts". And what really frustrates me the most is the fact that he doesn't have very many "thoughts". If I point it out to him, it will not only lose it's value, it will make him defensive and insecure. I am really sorry to hear your story, ixlives. It seems so unfair! Most women would love to have a guy like you, you can trust me on that one. But it's the ones who don't care about the sweets are the ones who end up getting the most cake.
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