crederer Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 I had relations the other day with a woman I met at the bar. I'm 26, she has a daughter that is 33. She didnt say her age but.....her daughter graduated college before I was in highschool. Anyways, we met at the bar, she's pretty decent looking. We hooked up about a week ago. Now she's acting like a girlfriend, constantly texting me, checking in to see what I'm doing. Right before we hooked up we had a talk about what it was we were looking for and we agreed that we're simply both a piece of ass for each other. I had a really good time with her, she was very giving in bed, we had some very good personal conversations, and I would like to keep this going. My question is, how do I get her to cool off on the girlfriend act (i.e her getting upset when i don't text her back the same day she texts me, her getting jealous when I'm at my ex's place, etc)? Or is she just a nut and I gotta get out? All responses welcome, I'm not all that sensitive so give it to me straight. 1
JustSomeoneHurt Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 She likes you more than that. Her actions tell you everything. Perhaps finding someone else to be a piece of ass is in order. The best I can suggest is to sit down and have a one to one conversation and that you are worried she might be taking it more seriously than you are, and if she is, this is not what you're looking for and don't want to hurt anyone. Good luck!
Author crederer Posted August 21, 2013 Author Posted August 21, 2013 Thanks for the response. We had that conversation already and she said, in so many words, that is the same she wants. Really strange. I think I should just duck out but damn, she's a giver.
JustSomeoneHurt Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 Thanks for the response. We had that conversation already and she said, in so many words, that is the same she wants. Really strange. I think I should just duck out but damn, she's a giver. I understand but if she's making you uncomfortable you have to weigh your options. Some people just can't help it when they like someone, or maybe she will stay casual but wants a "closer" casual relationship. It's a matter of pro and cons. If you can handle the texts/calls/whatever, then maybe it's worthwhile. If that stuff is bugging you a lot then it may not be worth it despite how good she is in bed. Just remember what you are liking is what makes sex so good in relationships. People are more giving and intimate when they really like the other person and more selfish when it's casual. This is especially true of men, I think. Just weigh your options and make a decision for what's right for you.
TheGuard13 Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 I'm weirded out that you're the young person in the relationship and yet you're the one referring to what you clearly see as "getting a piece of ass" as "having relations".
New User Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 Thanks for the response. We had that conversation already and she said, in so many words, that is the same she wants. Really strange. I think I should just duck out but damn, she's a giver. She said that, but her actions seem to indicate otherwise. Whenever there is a difference between what someone says and what they do, believe what they do. Bail. A woman 25 years your senior really doesn't have much to offer unless you want a sugar mama, and anytime there is this great of an age difference there is likely to be a screwed up power curve in the relationship. Seriously dude, her interest in you is all kinds of creepy, you're significantly younger than her kid. 1
Author crederer Posted August 21, 2013 Author Posted August 21, 2013 I'm weirded out that you're the young person in the relationship and yet you're the one referring to what you clearly see as "getting a piece of ass" as "having relations". I have relations with all kinds of people. Friends, family, acquaintances, females, males. I think our definition of "relations" differs. anyone that I have regular contact with, I consider a "relationship". The definition of a relationship is: The way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected. 4
Emilia Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 As a 41 year-old woman who tends to date younger men (obviously not 25 years younger ) I'd say she should know better. I'm not sure whether she has done this before but she should be realistic as to what this is about and she should be able to tell from your responses that you are not looking for anything serious. You also told her so and she agreed. I think most people post 35 tends to be fortified and strong enough to walk away when what's on offer isn't what they want. I suppose she must be the anxious type or she hadn't been laid for a while before you two hooked up. I can't understand her reaction otherwise. 4
Ninjainpajamas Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 She's a giver because she's trying to hook you, you fool. Of course she's not listening to what you guys talked about before sex, women in general reserve the right to change their mind at any given time and she seems to have developed an attachment or emotions regardless or whether her intentions were not to or she just told you what you wanted to hear to get you in bed. Women in their 40's are a bit more transparent and direct, they don't need the illusion and fantasy sweep that younger women tend to be drawn to and they typically know what the deal is without explanations that you're not looking "for anything serious right now" therefore it's just more likely she's just in a vulnerable place right now and connecting with you for her own personal reasons...so it likely doesn't have much to do with you as much as where she is emotionally right now.
almond Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 (edited) She is getting jealous that you're at your ex's house (the fact that she even knows this speaks volumes IMO), and getting angry when you do not reply to her texts as soon as she'd like. You agreed that this was a no strings attached arrangement, but clearly, it's not. You were clear about what you were looking for, and she is not respecting this. You need to either choose to engage in something different, or go and find what you're looking for elsewhere. A lot of women say that all they want is a FWB, but in reality, they want more. In my experience, these women generally have quite low self-esteem and tend to cause a lot of headaches. If she's being this needy early on, you're in for strife. Bail out immediately. You are weirded out for a reason - trust your instincts. Edited August 21, 2013 by almond 1
thefooloftheyear Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 She is getting jealous that you're at your ex's house (the fact that she even knows this speaks volumes IMO), and getting angry when you do not reply to her texts as soon as she'd like. You agreed that this was a no strings attached arrangement, but clearly, it's not. You were clear about what you were looking for, and she is not respecting this. You need to either choose to engage in something different, or go and find what you're looking for elsewhere. A lot of women say that all they want is a FWB, but in reality, they want more. In my experience, these women generally have quite low self-esteem and tend to cause a lot of headaches. If she's being this needy early on, you're in for strife. Bail out immediately. You are weirded out for a reason - trust your instincts. Just a guess here, but shes probably broke, has a shytty or no job, maybe substance abuse or problems with alcohol.. You want to bang her, fine, just dont get attached...Its not what you want or need. TFY
almond Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 ^ Definitely a possibility. If you do continue to sleep with her, I think it would be wise to re-state your boundaries, and perhaps advise her that the frequent texting, the jealousy and the expectation of prompt replies are not part of the agreement. If she's cool with that, then you're golden. If she gets pissy about it, then you know that a FWB arrangement was not possible with this woman. 1
Author crederer Posted August 21, 2013 Author Posted August 21, 2013 I never met her daughter, so I dunno. No substance abuse that I'm aware of and she has a good job as a nurse. She got out of a 9 year relationship that was sexless for the last 6 years about a half year ago. She openly said she's trying to make up for "lost time", which I was cool with. The next youngest guy she's been with was in his mid thirties immediately after her break up. I have no desire to be anything more than what we are. She knows this. I guess she probably needs to be cut loose.
Emilia Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 She got out of a 9 year relationship that was sexless for the last 6 years about a half year ago. She openly said she's trying to make up for "lost time", which I was cool with. This is your answer. She has been single for a short time and I know from experience (after a 9 year marriage) that it takes a while to get back into that mindset again. I jumped into a relationship after my separation because I thought that's what you did automatically. I forgot what it was like to date around, understand people's intentions, find the right person, etc etc. 2
salparadise Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 I have no desire to be anything more than what we are. She knows this. I guess she probably needs to be cut loose. Well, I wouldn't jump to that conclusion so fast. You're in the driver's seat and have the ability to do it on your terms. Just set appropriate boundaries, be consistent, and be kind. Her options are to accept or quit. Now if she's the type who can't do boundaries you might have to cut her loose, but that remains to be seen. She's testing at the moment. As keepers of the vajayjay women are used to calling the shots, so give her a bit of leeway and enjoy.
bubbaganoosh Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 I had an experience when I was 17. Played drums in a garage band and we were practicing at our singers girlfriends house. About an hour after we started I heard the cellar door open behind me. My back was towards the steps so I couldn't see who was coming down the stairs. The I saw her. The singers girlfriends Mom. Oh dear lord I never saw any woman who looked like that. I got so flustered that I started messing up and blamed it on hand cramps. She came over and rubbed my hands (MOM) and I felt like a fool because it only got worse. Somehow I finished the practice but it started raining and I had my Dad's pick up truck and couldn't take my drums home so I had to leave them there. I came back the next day and the Mom let me in and I started loading up my drums and she handed me a bottle of Coke and started talking to me. I was leaning against a pool table and she was sitting on it. Next thing I know is this lady is kissing my neck and before you know it were on the rug. She undressed, then undressed me got on top and put it in her. This lasted maybe one minuet and it was done. I laid there like a babbling idiot while she got dressed. Finally I did too and she looked me square in the eye and said, It was one time and one time only. When I left I could barely drive and when I got home my Mother and Dad kept asking what was wrong and I said nothing, I'm fine. Two months later I saw her at the supermarket. We made eye contact and she walked past me like she didn't know me. I was crushed. Never forgot that woman. She was 37 at the time. I'm now 65 and if she's still living she's 85. 2
TheGuard13 Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 I have relations with all kinds of people. Friends, family, acquaintances, females, males. I think our definition of "relations" differs. I'm not addressing your definition of "relations". I'm referring to your use of the word "relations" in the first place as a 26 year old man in 2013. I was poking fun at the fact that you're 26 and talking like you're from 1940 or something. Sigh...it's not funny when you have to explain it.
FitChick Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 OP, stop answering every text or phone call. Only contact when you want sex. She will get the message. Meanwhile, let her teach you how to be a good lover. Experiment. Men desperately need lessons! 1
Skyraider829 Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 I had relations the other day with a woman I met at the bar. I'm 26, she has a daughter that is 33. She didnt say her age but.....her daughter graduated college before I was in highschool. Anyways, we met at the bar, she's pretty decent looking. We hooked up about a week ago. Now she's acting like a girlfriend, constantly texting me, checking in to see what I'm doing. Right before we hooked up we had a talk about what it was we were looking for and we agreed that we're simply both a piece of ass for each other. I had a really good time with her, she was very giving in bed, we had some very good personal conversations, and I would like to keep this going. My question is, how do I get her to cool off on the girlfriend act (i.e her getting upset when i don't text her back the same day she texts me, her getting jealous when I'm at my ex's place, etc)? Or is she just a nut and I gotta get out? All responses welcome, I'm not all that sensitive so give it to me straight. She sounds clingy - maybe you should hop off the train before it gets rolling. She could have become emotionally attached after sex, even though before hand she was thinking nothing of it. I'd tread with caution.
Phantom888 Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 She is over 50, and likely passed menopause. She may be a little irrational because of hormones at that age. This is very common in cougar/cub relationships. They are all about sex, but they also get attached somewhat. I was sleeping with a 40 year-old woman when I was 19, and it was kinda like that.
MidwestUSA Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 She is over 50, and likely passed menopause. She may be a little irrational because of hormones at that age. This is very common in cougar/cub relationships. They are all about sex, but they also get attached somewhat. I was sleeping with a 40 year-old woman when I was 19, and it was kinda like that. OMG, it's me! 2
StanMusial Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 I had relations the other day with a woman I met at the bar. I'm 26, she has a daughter that is 33. She didnt say her age but.....her daughter graduated college before I was in highschool. Anyways, we met at the bar, she's pretty decent looking. We hooked up about a week ago. Now she's acting like a girlfriend, constantly texting me, checking in to see what I'm doing. Right before we hooked up we had a talk about what it was we were looking for and we agreed that we're simply both a piece of ass for each other. I had a really good time with her, she was very giving in bed, we had some very good personal conversations, and I would like to keep this going. My question is, how do I get her to cool off on the girlfriend act (i.e her getting upset when i don't text her back the same day she texts me, her getting jealous when I'm at my ex's place, etc)? Or is she just a nut and I gotta get out? All responses welcome, I'm not all that sensitive so give it to me straight. If I met a woman older than my mother at a bar I would probably run the other way. 1
stillafool Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 OP how did you end up getting involved with this woman in the first place? I agree with FitChick, don't answer her texts and only call her when you want sex since that's what the original agreement was. If she complains remind her what the agreement was. If she is such a giver and you like it, teach your ex or whomever how to give.
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