napy666 Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 This guy I've been talking too says he can't move to me because he doesn't think he can leave his foster family because in their 60s-70s. Not to be mean but their not gona be around much longer and once their dead what? Your still going to stay there? Wouldn't you want to be with someone who cares and loves you?
Keenly Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 This could be one of the most selfish complaints I have ever heard. You want the man to ditch his parents because you have been talking to him for what, I'm assuming 1-3 months, all because its what you think is best? 13
Author napy666 Posted August 21, 2013 Author Posted August 21, 2013 Aren't you the one to say to me to get the hell out of my parents house? Whats the difference between him and I?
MidwestUSA Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 He apparently 'cares' more for his foster parents (who you've basically declared dead) than for you. Good for him. 8
almond Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 Wouldn't you want to be with someone who cares and loves you? He sure does, and that's exactly why he's staying with his foster parents instead of leaving his life behind and moving to be with a cold, selfish woman who does not have his best interests at heart. I took a glance at some of your previous posts. You're a mess Seek professional help. 9
almond Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 I doubt he wants her to move to be with him. OP - you're only talking to this guy, you're not even in an exclusive relationship. Even broaching the subject with him at this point is probably going to send him running for the hills, and rightfully so. 2
MidwestUSA Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 Yes, how long have you been dating? You say you're "talking to" him. Have you even met him IRL? Yes, you could move closer to him, and respect his desire to stay with his foster parents. Maybe he has an ulterior motive for staying there. Is he on parole? Is he wearing an ankle bracelet? Nah, he's just being considerate and showing appreciation for his parents. What exactly do you have to offer that would convince him to move for you? Right, you keep a clean house, I remember now.
Author napy666 Posted August 21, 2013 Author Posted August 21, 2013 Eh forget it I might as well just go off and die then I'm just not good enough for anyone it seems.
emva07 Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 FYI....when it comes to relationships you never come between SO and their family....risky business. Esp if it's a fairly new relationship. I wish someone would tell me, leave your mom to pay the mortgage all alone....Um....just ditch her after all she did for me and all the money she spent on my college expenses???? I don't think so. My mother will never be second to any man.
hoping2heal Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 Eh forget it I might as well just go off and die then I'm just not good enough for anyone it seems. You're supposed to be an adult but you behave like a child. I'm not saying that to insult you, you literally behave like a child. You can have a relationship with someone anytime you want but it would be in your best interest to work out some of these issues beforehand. 1
emva07 Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 Eh forget it I might as well just go off and die then I'm just not good enough for anyone it seems. Are you really comparing yourself to his parents???? That doesn't even have comparison to! What does him living with his elderly parents have to do with you not being good enough??? Your love for your parents is unconditional and something that can't be compared to in most cases (which obviously in his case it is). 1
Author napy666 Posted August 22, 2013 Author Posted August 22, 2013 My point is this aren't people suppose to find their partner, move in with them and start their own families and lives? Not have the couple move into the parents house and live their lives there.
Els Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 Not to be mean but their not gona be around much longer and once their dead what? ....Dafug did I just read. 4
emva07 Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 (edited) My point is this aren't people suppose to find their partner, move in with them and start their own families and lives? Not have the couple move into the parents house and live their lives there. what do you mean by "people"? There are plenty of cultures in the world in which men bring their wives into the parents house, where extended family matters and will always be a part of your life. There are so many different dynamics of what family is in this world. So what "people" are you referring to? PLENTY of people live with their in-laws. Nothing out of the ordinary. People CAN choose do this, but they don't HAVE to. If he doesn't want to send his parents off into a nursing home that is his decision to make. If you don't like it, get with someone who doesn't give a **** about their parents or even better, someone whose parents aren't alive anymore so you won't have that "burden" You are just being stubborn, you want the victory of knowing he chose you over his parents. I just hope in the future if you have kids, you aren't jealous that their father gives them too much attention and kick them out at 18 because "isn't that what people do, they move out at 18, not my problem if they don't have the means to make it out there". Edited August 22, 2013 by emva07 1
Mrlonelyone Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 I can feel for the OP's SO. My parents are in their late 60's and early 70's too. They are near the end and need my help with certain things. I provide a certain level of care for them. That is my #1 priority and anyone in my life will have to accept that with the package. Anyone in my life who does not will be out of my life in a flash. No one in my situation would expect a SO to do anything for our parents, just that they would sympathize with the situation. As for this whole notion that moving out == growing up. If one is able of body and mind and one's parents are able of body and mind then yes living with them is a red flag. If one's parents are in a place where they would go into nursing care without them, that is grown up. Buy a 4 week old puppy and take care of it, hand feed it, raise it. That gives you 1/100th of the idea of what it is like to have a human being depend on you to bring home the bacon. 3
MidwestUSA Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 No, no, no. Please do not involve innocent puppies! 4
Mrlonelyone Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 (edited) No, no, no. Please do not involve innocent puppies! Yeah. From the OP's postings if the puppy didn't grow up and run away she would be disappointed in it. Let's not blame the OP. Blame the media. We in the US at least, are immersed in TV shows and movies that make it look like to be normal everyone has to Go to college. Meet their soul mate in college. Marry their soul mate and buy a house. Have 2.5 children and 2.5 cars and 1.3 pets while making ~50,000 a year a piece. Never mind that on average. Only 1/3 of us complete college degree's. Most of us are too immature at 22-23 to recognize a soulate two immature people is immaturity^2 and on average those "starter marriages" fail miserably. Having a house, two children, two cars, and 1.3 pets while paying off 38000 in student loans on entry level salaries of 38,000 is a crock. In real life getting 1/3 of those things settled by age 30 or even 40 is an accomplishment. Unless this guy has been sitting on his duff all the time, he has to have a job. Then add on to that real life getting in the way. i.e. having to care for elderly parents, having one of those 2.5 kids be special needs, having one of those kids while in college, having rotten luck in dating and so on. Edited August 22, 2013 by Mrlonelyone 3
emva07 Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 (edited) to be normal everyone has to Go to college. Meet their soul mate in college. Marry their soul mate and buy a house. Have 2.5 children and 2.5 cars and 1.3 pets while making ~50,000 a year a piece. Never mind that on average. Only 1/3 of us complete college degree's. Most of us are too immature at 22-23 to recognize a soulate two immature people is immaturity^2 and on average those "starter marriages" fail miserably. Having a house, two children, two cars, and 1.3 pets while paying off 38000 in student loans on entry level salaries of 38,000 is a crock. In real life getting 1/3 of those things settled by age 30 or even 40 is an accomplishment. Unless this guy has been sitting on his duff all the time, he has to have a job. I guess that's who she is refering to by "aren't people supposed to..." Maybe my mentality is different bc I am a 20 something in Washington DC, but here, doing all that is not the norm, here it's every man/woman for themselves, "yes I might love you but I am working on my career, live in a co-op house, pay my own bills and am not trying to stop my life for another person who I haven't gotten to know all that well yet." Just the other day my friend was looking for apts near her BF's house....she couldn't find any so took a place nearer to the center of DC....just yesterday he informed her he's moving to Egypt bc he's a journalist and that's where it's at....doesn't mean he doesn't care about her but he is establishing his career. Priorities are different for different people, getting married and moving in with someone isn't as big of a priority as it was before. Why rush into it when you have your whole life ahead of you? I myself live near DC, in MD....with my mom. I help her pay the mortgage, pay the bills, and just keep her company. Is that my obligation? No, it's not. That's the way I feel, not everyone is supposed to do this (sometimes I do feel like I should just move out), but my mother needs me and she was always there when I needed her. I want her to be able to retire soon, live a happy last few years, and know that someone still cares about her. Not to mention she has bad knees and something as simple as me carrying the laundry basketup the stairs is a huge help for her as she is 5 feet tall. And other tiny tasks that older people have a hard time doing. I have the top floor to myself, it's my own apartment, and she does not meddle in my business at all. Edited August 22, 2013 by emva07
Author napy666 Posted August 22, 2013 Author Posted August 22, 2013 My point is what if him and I become a couple what we gona do just visit each other back and forth over the course of our relationship? I would like us to move in eventually. We are both going on 26 by 30 I would have liked to have gotten married and had a place of my own.
letmoc Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 If you two are not a couple yet you can't really worry about stuff like that. People can change what they want for the right person. You may end up moving for him. Try to relax or you will miss all of the fun parts that go with getting to know someone. This is the easy time. 1
Keenly Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 (edited) Why don't you get your own place before you worry about moving into some one else's ... Edited August 22, 2013 by Keenly 4
emva07 Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 (edited) Yeah, you are overreacting about this whole thing if you're not even a couple yet. Worry about that when the time comes. But for now take it one day at a time, take a chill pill. Once the time you two will talk and come to an agreement, it doesn't have to be so black and white. In a matter of seconds things change. Let alone in a matter of months/years. But don't blow things that bother you out of proportion so that it makes you blind to the needs and desires of others, makes you come off as an apathetic, selfish, and cold person. Edited August 22, 2013 by emva07 3
Mrlonelyone Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 My point is what if him and I become a couple what we gona do just visit each other back and forth over the course of our relationship? I would like us to move in eventually. We are both going on 26 by 30 I would have liked to have gotten married and had a place of my own. Here is the thing. If you marry this man then his parents will be your parents in law and grandparents to your eventual children. His family will be your family and vice versa. As for the deadline of "by 30". There is plenty of time between 26 and 30 to figure that out. Don't get married just to meet some deadline or because "everybody's doing it". Marriage is solemn and serious. Odds are this person has siblings right? His siblings may be married with children. Are you ready for this Uncles nieces and nephews to call you their Aunt? If his say 5 year old niece came up and asked you "Are you going to be my Aunty?" what would you say? How would you really feel about that? Marriage isn't a notch in your belt it is a melding of two families into one family and the creation of a new family. Again I don't blame you there is tremendous pressure to get married in the world. 1
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