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In Between keeping NC and sending one precise message. Thoughts?

templeofmax

By templeofmax
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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templeofmax Established Member

templeofmax

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*Sigh*

 

Its going to be a LONG road for you brother if you keep thinking like this. This has nothing to do with insecurities, immaturity, issues, etc.....I understand your thought process and what not, but its not it. It doesn't matter what you "will or will not accept from her" or anything because you don't control that anymore. She can continue to be a b**** to you and you have two options: Accept it, or don't talk to her. That's it. That's all you have.

 

Your therapist should lose their license pronto

 

Why lose his license? I don't get it. She is MY therapist, not HERS, but she is a couple's therapist, so she helped us for a bit. I don't see how reaching out t see how she is doing is breaking confidentiality.

ConfusedHumanBeing Established Member

ConfusedHumanBeing

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Why lose his license? I don't get it. She is MY therapist, not HERS, but she is a couple's therapist, so she helped us for a bit. I don't see how reaching out t see how she is doing is breaking confidentiality.

 

Because you aren't in couples councling anymore doof lol. Anything said to her AFTER your ex left that room is private and patient-client confidentiality. Anything said about you to her after the fact or even poaching her and reaching out is flat out wrong....and might I add incredibly moronic. She broke up with you! The LAST thing she probably wants is a theripst telling her to come in and discuss why this could be a bad decision. That's awful why would ANYONE want to do that.

 

You are poking a bear with a stick. Not just that, but jabbing it hard with a suit of meat. Let it go, continue ACTUAL no contact, and move forward because that's it. Three months, six months, a year....if you don't stop, you'll be in this pause position for a LONG time

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templeofmax Established Member

templeofmax

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Because you aren't in couples councling anymore doof lol. Anything said to her AFTER your ex left that room is private and patient-client confidentiality. Anything said about you to her after the fact or even poaching her and reaching out is flat out wrong....and might I add incredibly moronic. She broke up with you! The LAST thing she probably wants is a theripst telling her to come in and discuss why this could be a bad decision. That's awful why would ANYONE want to do that.

 

You are poking a bear with a stick. Not just that, but jabbing it hard with a suit of meat. Let it go, continue ACTUAL no contact, and move forward because that's it. Three months, six months, a year....if you don't stop, you'll be in this pause position for a LONG time

 

Did anyone say anything about me wanting my ex to come to therapy? Maybe involving other people is not a wise decision, so I will talk to her myself! I WILL GET HER BACK and prove you wrong.

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templeofmax Established Member

templeofmax

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And yes, one time my therapist talked to her after she got really mad, and she came in to therapy and we talked there. That was a fight, however, so I wouldn't do that now, but I will keep NC, but not to forget about her cause she is the one. I will send that message to her about giving her the space and me working on myself. I know her, you don't. I don't even know why I am posting here. Not every breakup is the same, not two people are the same, not two relationships are the same.

ConfusedHumanBeing Established Member

ConfusedHumanBeing

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Did anyone say anything about me wanting my ex to come to therapy? Maybe involving other people is not a wise decision, so I will talk to her myself! I WILL GET HER BACK and prove you wrong.

 

Lol calm down man. No reason to attack people on here we're all on the same team. Out of line.

 

Max, there is a reason why there are a lot of people telling you the exact same thing: Because many of us (especially the older ones) have seen this 900 times AND LIVED IT. I had the EXACT same story you are having (read my old threads) and everyone told me the exact same thing. I thought "they don't know her like I know her. We've been together for almost there years and they don't know s***." So defiant and not wanting to see the truth. All the insecurities my ex had to "work out" or anything like that didn't matter. I wanted it to SO bad, but it doesn't. My theripst said the exact same things yours is saying and what not, but again NONE OF IT MATTERS IF THEY DO NOT WANT TO BE WITH YOU. You are in huge denial, signing on to your moms Facebook to see what she is doing, getting angry at us for giving it to you straight? Max, come on man honestly.... its done. Its been four months already and you are still in the thick of things. What you are doing is INCREDBLY unhealthy and I promise you just as certain as the sun rises tomorrow that you will not last the road you are on. I say that as a VERY concerned person.

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templeofmax Established Member

templeofmax

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I know what you are saying. I stopped login on to her FB cause it wasn't helping. Defeats NC. Our pictures are still up though my mom tells me, LOL! Its just, the way she handled the breakup was soooo immature, way more than my ramblings here. And I know the breakup NEEDED to happen cause I have changed things of mine that needed change, if not we would continue to hurt each other. However, I truly believe its not the end, but only wish I wasn't so anxious about it 4 months on. I also know going back to that is not worth it, but I miss her too much, not the relationship per se.

mtnbiker3000 Established Member

mtnbiker3000

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Max, I have to agree with the consensus here. You are not thinking/seeing things clearly...

 

Search CopingVortex and read his threads. Eerily similar. And... well, things didn't go so well for him... Read it. I truly believe it will help you see the light :laugh:

 

Either way, I hope things work out well for you!!

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mtnbiker3000 Established Member

mtnbiker3000

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And, don't you think I thought the same about my ex? About my RS? It was awesome for a long, long time. She was 1 of a kind. She was the one. I loved her beyond measure. And she me. Even gave her a ring. Guess what? She's gone and ain't coming back no matter what I do. We're all in the same boat. We all had a unique, 1 of a kind SO/RS... And, just like all of ours, yours is really not unique. It's extremely common...

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ConfusedHumanBeing Established Member

ConfusedHumanBeing

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Max, I have to agree with the consensus here. You are not thinking/seeing things clearly...

 

Search CopingVortex and read his threads. Eerily similar. And... well, things didn't go so well for him... Read it. I truly believe it will help you see the light :laugh:

 

Either way, I hope things work out well for you!!

 

...and better yet, you could possibly PM him as well? We were all going through the same things at roughly the same time, so he can defiantly shed some more light on the issue you are having.

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Simon Phoenix Established Member

Simon Phoenix

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Did anyone say anything about me wanting my ex to come to therapy? Maybe involving other people is not a wise decision, so I will talk to her myself! I WILL GET HER BACK and prove you wrong.

 

Stop this now. You are going to make a complete a-hole of yourself if you do this. Your emotions are erratic and it's going to be disastrous if you try. Just stick to NC and calm down.

 

And you should not be getting other people involved in this. It comes off as manipulative.

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