Phantom888 Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 This is common. I mean how often do you expect to strike gold? There will be many "misses" before you find the perfect woman for you. She thinks you are a great guy, and you have great qualities, but just not a good match for her. It's chemistry. I went out with a gorgeous lady on Valentine's day (1st date), and had a 2nd date with her a week later. I mean she was so hot, people would turn their head when we walked by. At the end of the 2nd date, we kissed, and both decided it was not a good match. No chemistry. It happens.
PlumPrincess Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 Isn't that the entire point of PUA? No, that's called flirting. You turn on your charm and are a darling for the rest of the evening. Then you go home and make an evaluation if you liked the guy enough to want to see him again or not.
Star Gazer Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 No, that's called flirting. You turn on your charm and are a darling for the rest of the evening. Then you go home and make an evaluation if you liked the guy enough to want to see him again or not. Right, but by his comment, they're either attracted or not. I don't have to do a dang thing, like flirt.
PlumPrincess Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 Right, but by his comment, they're either attracted or not. I don't have to do a dang thing, like flirt. Oh, ok. Just re-read what you guys have written. Yes, he's wrong. There's a difference between manipulating and being charming and friendly. 1
SJC2008 Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 False. Turning on the charm can make a huge difference. Yeah charm can make a differnece but if she's attracted to you she'll be attracted to you charm or no charm.
SJC2008 Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 Isn't that the entire point of PUA? Yes it is. PUA's theory is that attraction isn't a choice, that you can create it. I'm sure you can create tension to a certain extent but if you're attracted to someone the battle is won.
Author irc333 Posted August 22, 2013 Author Posted August 22, 2013 I want to predicate your remark about me having had superficial conversations about movies while on the date and coming out of the theater, prior to that we had more personal "heart to hearts" that went on during our phone calls with each other. I wanted to get more personal with her after the movie, because we had agreed to talk a walk around the park a short distance away, but that's when she had to go see her daughter. Actually, I never really believed in the concept of "creating attraction" by the means of the PUA, but I know well enough to act chivalrous, makes sure to dress nicely, wear nice cologne, pop a breath meant, keep myself well groomed, being well-mannered, etc. But the idea of "creating attraction" is just not my style, in fact, if you think about it, the very idea makes it sound like there's an intense amount of work involved, with very little work on the woman's part. ALSO, it depends on the woman, perhaps with some women it takes the effort of "creating attraction" to not only getting the girl, but keeping around as long you can hold out. Women that don't need attraction created for them would be more of my type. Usually women who bore easily are the ones that men have to make an effort to "create attraction" with, so perhaps that technique would be best suited for them. Perhaps you (I know I have) spotted profiles of women that would admittedly say, "Do you like a challenge?" or "Can you keep me interested?" Apparently, there are some people (perhaps both men and women) that are just hard to please. Thus the reasons divorces or constant break-ups occur. The whole concept where a divorce occurs because "We just grew apart" may have had something to do with someone, somewhere down the line, had failed to create attraction or just didn't keep up with it. I personally go along with the concept of just being yourself and that's pretty much it. The concept of "Creating attraction" is akin to being a court jester to hopefully appease royalty or an entertainment co-coordinator catering to the needs of cruise guests. That all being said, to sum it up, it depends on the woman and what "creating attraction" would be best suited for certain personality types. Well irc, I went back and reread your last thread about this woman, and here are my (revised from last time) thoughts.... 1. It sounds that her life has far more "large moving parts" (e.g., a daughter getting engaged going through an emotional crisis...) than yours does. Maybe she thought you couldn't relate? 2. You spent what little face-time you had with the woman (after the movie) talking about sci-fi, a fairly superficial topic. Again in light of 1. especially, it doesn't sound that you and she made much of an emotional connection. A fun conversation with an a nice-looking guy in her mind but not much else. Now it's quite possible that you and she are just fundamentally incompatible and nothing you could have done on that date would have changed that. That said though, as I mentioned in my post in your last thread, it sounds that overall you just aren't creating connection--attraction with the women you are dating. And as long as you keep on not doing that, you will keep finding yourself on the end of nice turn-downs at best, and discourteous brush-offs more commonly. What's frustrating is that you do not seem to be willing to take responsibility for your end--it's always on the woman. As long as you don't take responsibility and think about how you can change your end of things, dating will continue to be a rough ride for you. (And lest anyone accuses me of piling on, I really make a point not to do that. I went against the grain and gave you a pretty sympathetic response to your last thread because there I thought you deserved one going by what you wrote.)
Author irc333 Posted August 22, 2013 Author Posted August 22, 2013 Yeah charm can make a differnece but if she's attracted to you she'll be attracted to you charm or no charm. Good point, I know men who make complete arses out of themselves, in public, in front of his g/f and her friends....only to love him even more. As a contrary to "creating attraction" he pretty much "created repulsion" for everyone within earshot, except her, where somehow the attraction builds. LOL.
Recommended Posts