irc333 Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 ...well, after I had gone out to the movies with the lady, had a great time and we kissed good night and made plans to get together. When I called her later about arranging a date...took her 3 days to respond with, "I really think you're a nice and fun person, but I don't think we'd make a good match, good luck on POF (yeah , like I wanna go back there, lol)" And she follows it up with a "PS". "PS - YOu are much better than most dates, just not a match" What does that even mean? If I was much better than most dates, why would we not be a match? I actually thought we were a match...thus the reason I went out with her and thus the reason we had a great time.
CherryT Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 Well... some guys women find online are disrespectful douche bags. So she probably means that you were a gentleman and was respectful and pleasant. But she probably didn't feel a connection or wasn't attracted to you in that way. Move on to the next. 7
BradJacobs Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 It means there's no future for you two. You're free to pursue other people. Best of luck! 2
Imajerk17 Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 (edited) This, as frustrating as it may be, is common in dating. You will go out w someone and both of you will have a good time and feel attraction in the moment but that doesn't mean you are a match. I had that happen to me several times and it used to baffle me a lot more than it does now. As for her feeling you and she are not a match I can assure you there are plenty of things you do not know about her and her life, things you did not cover in your conversation nor that was mentioned in her profile or emails. Edited August 21, 2013 by Imajerk17 1
SantistaUSA Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 that's the thing about online dating, there is tons of options, and people just wants to find the best match possible, if a little better looking guy sent her a message and she thinks there is a possibility she will say bye bye to you in a heart beat! I've been doing OLD for a long time, and to be honest I'm getting tired of it.
Star Gazer Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 "PS - YOu are much better than most dates, just not a match" What does that even mean? If I was much better than most dates, why would we not be a match? I actually thought we were a match...thus the reason I went out with her and thus the reason we had a great time. It means you are a good date, but you are not a good match for her. 5
Author irc333 Posted August 21, 2013 Author Posted August 21, 2013 that's the thing about online dating, there is tons of options, and people just wants to find the best match possible, if a little better looking guy sent her a message and she thinks there is a possibility she will say bye bye to you in a heart beat! Yeah, they're always looking for the bigger better deal. Must've been that bikini photo that got people's attention. She mentioned she lost a good amount of weight, so perhaps she's letting that run its course in her dating life. As for her feeling you and she are not a match I can assure you there are plenty of things you do not know about her and her life, things you did not cover in your conversation nor that was mentioned in her profile or emails. As I'm sure she doesn't know much about me either to come to a conclusion that we are not a match. 1
sillyanswer Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 It means she doesn't want to date you, but you're not an ******* like some of the other guys she also doesn't want to date. 2
MidwestUSA Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 Imagine! No one will be squirming should you run into each other in the future! 6
almond Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 It means that you got rejected. It also means that you may have been a good date, or she may have just let you down easy. Either way, on to the next one. No need to be annoyed about this - she is in no way obligated to see you again, nor is she obligated to get to know you on a deeper level before making this decision. She wasn't feeling it, plain and simple. 2
TigerCub Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 Yeah, they're always looking for the bigger better deal. Must've been that bikini photo that got people's attention. She mentioned she lost a good amount of weight, so perhaps she's letting that run its course in her dating life. Like it got your attention? You're acting like you're entitled to have her be into you. You're not what she wants, and she was NICE about the way she told you - what more do you want? Do you really think that every girl you meet must choose you and think you make a great match? As I'm sure she doesn't know much about me either to come to a conclusion that we are not a match. That could be said about any first date. But generally people go by the first impression and the feelings they get from that person on the date. Some try for a second date to give a person a real chance, but others don't Get over it. 6
sillyanswer Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 irc333, if you've read this far in the thread then you've over-thought this. Better luck with the next one! 1
emva07 Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 A lot of us would make great partners, but we aren't given the chance to prove it. And we can't force them to. Why do you chose the women that you chose online? You don't know if the ones you overlook or don't write back to would be a great match....but it's your first impression, and a first impression is all it takes most of the time in the dating world. 2
Babolat Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 ...well, after I had gone out to the movies with the lady, had a great time and we kissed good night and made plans to get together. When I called her later about arranging a date...took her 3 days to respond with, "I really think you're a nice and fun person, but I don't think we'd make a good match, good luck on POF (yeah , like I wanna go back there, lol)" And she follows it up with a "PS". "PS - YOu are much better than most dates, just not a match" What does that even mean? If I was much better than most dates, why would we not be a match? I actually thought we were a match...thus the reason I went out with her and thus the reason we had a great time. I think it's pretty awesome she took the time to share this with you. Sounds like you are a great guy, she liked you as a person, just not a match. I got one of these when I was OLDing 2 years ago, and I appreciated her honestly, and actually agreed we were not a match..I was simply willing to give it a 2nd date, she was not.
Babolat Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 I get the sense that you don't create any sexual tension with the women you date. This seems to happen with each one you go out with. Sorry, off topic, I giggle every time I see your signature...ok, back on topic. Hang in there man, keep at it, be postive, don't think too much about it. And, should you meet one you like, flirt, create some sexual "play", energy, tension, make her want more the next time...
Lansing Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 I would much prefer a polite "you were nice but no match" message then wondering what the girl is thinking or her just coming off as rude by not responding. 2
PJKino Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 You're a cool person but not physically attractive enough for her 1
Star Gazer Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 As I'm sure she doesn't know much about me either to come to a conclusion that we are not a match. Then how was it that you were able to conclude that you were a match? Hmm? Straight up, she probably didn't feel attracted to you in person. 3
Star Gazer Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 Irc, do you talk about OLD or other dates or "women you know" while on an actual date?
StanMusial Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 You should probably try to bang these OLD girls ASAP.
CryForNoOne Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 Isn't it obvious? You're a nice guy but she wasn't physically attracted to you. End of story. 2
SJC2008 Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 I get the sense that you don't create any sexual tension with the women you date. This seems to happen with each one you go out with. You should never have to consciously create attraction/tension with someone you're dating. They're either attracted to you or thy're not.
xxoo Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 You should never have to consciously create attraction/tension with someone you're dating. They're either attracted to you or thy're not. False. Turning on the charm can make a huge difference. 4
Star Gazer Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 You should never have to consciously create attraction/tension with someone you're dating. Isn't that the entire point of PUA?
Imajerk17 Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 (edited) Well irc, I went back and reread your last thread about this woman, and here are my (revised from last time) thoughts.... 1. It sounds that her life has far more "large moving parts" (e.g., a daughter getting engaged going through an emotional crisis...) than yours does. Maybe she thought you couldn't relate? 2. You spent what little face-time you had with the woman (after the movie) talking about sci-fi, a fairly superficial topic. Again in light of 1. especially, it doesn't sound that you and she made much of an emotional connection. A fun conversation with an a nice-looking guy in her mind but not much else. Now it's quite possible that you and she are just fundamentally incompatible and nothing you could have done on that date would have changed that. That said though, as I mentioned in my post in your last thread, it sounds that overall you just aren't creating connection--attraction with the women you are dating. And as long as you keep on not doing that, you will keep finding yourself on the end of nice turn-downs at best, and discourteous brush-offs more commonly. What's frustrating is that you do not seem to be willing to take responsibility for your end--it's always on the woman. As long as you don't take responsibility and think about how you can change your end of things, dating will continue to be a rough ride for you. (And lest anyone accuses me of piling on, I really make a point not to do that. I went against the grain and gave you a pretty sympathetic response to your last thread because there I thought you deserved one going by what you wrote.) Edited August 21, 2013 by Imajerk17
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