tart6245 Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 I have had sort of a hectic "relationship" with a girl friend of mine for the past 6 months. It seems off and on, sometimes we are great and sometimes I feel like we aren't great. Maybe it's just me. She seems moody, but tells me she has anxiety issues, so maybe that's it. Anyway, I told her I was going to visit my best friend in NYC next month, and she immediately asked me if she could come with me as her "birthday celebration." I've never defined what we were doing as a relationship. I told her I would talk to my friend about her coming, but that was really to buy time. Is she signaling to me that she wants more from our "friendship/friends with benefits," or what? I mean, I've never taken a trip with a girl except with my ex-girlfriends...
Author tart6245 Posted August 21, 2013 Author Posted August 21, 2013 Definite BUZZKILL Don't even consider it. Buzzkill? Meaning? But I have no plans to tell her to come with me. I'm just not sure why on earth she would want to. She doesn't know my friends or anyone in NYC. And it's not like she's asked only once. She keeps asking and I keep stalling.
Balzac Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 NO Fun Taking her is guaranteed to ruin buddy fun. Who cares why she's asking. It's ballsy of her to invite herself.
CherryT Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 Sounds like she thinks you're going in the direction of having a relationship. You think sometimes it's off, but does she? She could think that everything has been pretty a-ok for the last 6 months. What do you want out of the relationship? Maybe have a conversation with her first about that. If she's only a friends w/ benefits and that's what you rather have, then be open with her. I'm sure she's creating expectations from what she believes is a evolving relationship to something more serious?
Author tart6245 Posted August 21, 2013 Author Posted August 21, 2013 God knows. She got pissed at me last May because people kept asking her what our relationship status was and she could not answer it, then disappeared for 2 months when she left town for the summer only to come back and act like nothing happened around the 4th of July. I have a feeling she's looking for me to define what we have, and now she's waiting for me to do it again. From my impression she didn't want to date, but her actions seem to indicate otherwise. At any rate, I have no plans to bring her. I couldn't imagine why she'd even want to go considering its going to be my closest friends and me. It is ballsy of her to ask. I was surprised she even asked if she could come.
Balzac Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 I'm guessing you are both students? Undergrad. Grad?
Author tart6245 Posted August 21, 2013 Author Posted August 21, 2013 We're both in grad school. I'm 25 and she's 24.
CherryT Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 Then just tell her it's a catch-up trip. We can't tell you why unless you ask her. She sounds a bit flakey on her part anyway... gets mad and then disappears and then reappears. She's probably eager for you to define the relationship or act like you want her to yourself. IF that's not what you want you should communicate that to her and tell her that you like your non-commited status and don't think it's going to change.
Author tart6245 Posted August 21, 2013 Author Posted August 21, 2013 I'm guessing you are both students? Undergrad. Grad? Then just tell her it's a catch-up trip. We can't tell you why unless you ask her. She sounds a bit flakey on her part anyway... gets mad and then disappears and then reappears. She's probably eager for you to define the relationship or act like you want her to yourself. IF that's not what you want you should communicate that to her and tell her that you like your non-commited status and don't think it's going to change. I told her. She said she would go shopping during the day alone and meet up with me and my friends for dinner/going out. But I know that's what she wants, and I guess I've been bad at not just telling her I'm not really sure a relationship will work with her. I mean, I like her and all and her company, but we are a year away from graduating and neither of us know where we will end up settling down. Seems a bit crazy to get into anything serious with that uncertainty surrounding us.
Author tart6245 Posted August 25, 2013 Author Posted August 25, 2013 How things change. I learned last night she cheated on me with some delivery boy "because he was really attractive." Needless to say, I flipped out, probably more than I should since we had been drinking, and now we are completely cut off from each other on FB, phone, etc. Sadly we sit together in class, so I will still see her. I did say some horrible things to her, but then tried to apologize and she didn't want to hear any of it. I was unfortunately hanging out with a lot of her friends who no longer like her, so I was being fed ammo and oh well. Time to move on, especially since she doesn't want to talk about it face to face.
soccerrprp Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 tarheelian, It sounds like your decision was made for you. You original post didn't sound like it a healthy relationship anyway.
Author tart6245 Posted August 25, 2013 Author Posted August 25, 2013 tarheelian, It sounds like your decision was made for you. You original post didn't sound like it a healthy relationship anyway. Yeah, I do feel bad about what I said, but her behavior was also pretty crappy. I have no use for her if she is sleeping around, and I don't buy her excuse about him being attractive and being only the second guy she's slept with in 2 years (me being the other). Anyway, I said my piece, I told her I was sorry for what I said, and she didn't want to hear it, so it's likely time to move on. I just hope she doesn't make a scene in class next week and can just act like an adult, but knowing her, she won't do that.
Recommended Posts