confused00 Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 I came back to do an update and to read other people's updates. You can read my other post to know what happen but basically i broke up with ex bf of four years. Got back together got into an argument and he broke up with me. So i have been on and off with no contact since last june 2012. It was always my decision. I couldnt handle it. I never got to heal my ex has stayed in contact throughout the whole break up and has broke my contact everytime. So may he decided nothing changed it was over then decided ten days later to hang out. Two weeks later i decided i had reset i could do it. He had texted me everyday since then and i have seen him. We do not hook up. We simply talk normally without the lovey stuff. So i am thinking as of right now i still want this to work if i am okay talking and seeing him is that going to prolong the break? I feel like this is my chance to see what i want as well being that i broke up with him first. I feel like i have improved as a person i realize what matters and what does not. I was thinking maybe some exs stay in contact because they want to feel the way they did. I am just being myself. I am not trying to fix anything but simply knowing what went wrong the last time and not making the same mistakes. I will obviously not wait forever and need to set a limit if things to do not progress. I really appreciate all opinions!
iouaname Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 I went no contact for a period of time in order to get control over my emotions. I felt like I had control, and so I reached out. What happened? I ended up a mess. He didn't see it, but for days I have been an absolute wreck. Truly. My suggestion is to not break no contact, it just isn't worth it...
Insomnium Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 Never break no contact. If it's meant to be then some miracle will happen. You feelings are hardly wrong.
Simon Phoenix Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 You are on the highway to the friend zone or the friends with benefits zone. Two weeks is not enough NC time. Two months is not enough. This is not a smart play on your part at all.
Author confused00 Posted August 21, 2013 Author Posted August 21, 2013 Well the reason i ask is because it has been a year since we broke up. And you get to see the relationship from another point of view.
Simon Phoenix Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 Well the reason i ask is because it has been a year since we broke up. And you get to see the relationship from another point of view. It doesn't really matter how long it's been if you keep breaking NC. You haven't fully detached from this guy so you keep caving. That's why you are still in a state of limbo a year later.
Author confused00 Posted August 21, 2013 Author Posted August 21, 2013 Yea i guess I give in because i thought that if i don't cry and don't ask questions and can just be myself and see how we are. We were in light contact for a month with a texts. It has been since June that we have been talking and this has been the first time i can just be myself. Not cry when I see him. The thing is if i go no contact again i have to be sure to keep it. What do you suggest?
Simon Phoenix Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 Yea i guess I give in because i thought that if i don't cry and don't ask questions and can just be myself and see how we are. We were in light contact for a month with a texts. It has been since June that we have been talking and this has been the first time i can just be myself. Not cry when I see him. The thing is if i go no contact again i have to be sure to keep it. What do you suggest? No Contact and actually stick to it this time. It's great you can't cry, but you are obviously not ready to be his friend right now because you still harbor feelings. And it doesn't seem like he has any feelings for you and he certainly doesn't miss you. He doesn't miss you because you never go away.
Author confused00 Posted August 21, 2013 Author Posted August 21, 2013 But I'm the one that initiates nc and then he does text me. Yes I guess I break my own nc. I guess I have trouble deciding because i did break up with him first and we did have some trouble so not making excuses for him at all but is it possible he wants to not be hurt or go through the same thing again? And how would I go about nc again do i just ignore him or do i say I'm going nc?
Simon Phoenix Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 But I'm the one that initiates nc and then he does text me. Yes I guess I break my own nc. I guess I have trouble deciding because i did break up with him first and we did have some trouble so not making excuses for him at all but is it possible he wants to not be hurt or go through the same thing again? And how would I go about nc again do i just ignore him or do i say I'm going nc? Just ignore. Yes, whenever you answer, you break NC. NC is not a two-person thing -- it's a one-person thing. Stop overthinking and step back. I mean, you haven't really stepped back in a year. That's why you are stuck and why you keep doing mental gymnastics in your head. You should be well past this stage, but you aren't because you haven't ever stepped back. Settle down and give space for you and for him. Stop overthinking -- you shouldn't be overthinking a year out.
chinacat sunflower Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 This is an unhealthy pattern. If you were in control of your emotions, he wouldn't even be a thought. I'm not trying to be mean, but, let it go. Unless (of course) you really enjoy this sort of emotional roller coaster. Wish you the best! 1
DownNtOut Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 is it his persistence that has you thinking this way? if it was right to be with him,then why would you need more time. as above poster said, this cycle is bad for you.
Soat Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 I came back to do an update and to read other people's updates. You can read my other post to know what happen but basically i broke up with ex bf of four years. Got back together got into an argument and he broke up with me. So i have been on and off with no contact since last june 2012. It was always my decision. I couldnt handle it. I never got to heal my ex has stayed in contact throughout the whole break up and has broke my contact everytime. So may he decided nothing changed it was over then decided ten days later to hang out. Two weeks later i decided i had reset i could do it. He had texted me everyday since then and i have seen him. We do not hook up. We simply talk normally without the lovey stuff. So i am thinking as of right now i still want this to work if i am okay talking and seeing him is that going to prolong the break? I feel like this is my chance to see what i want as well being that i broke up with him first. I feel like i have improved as a person i realize what matters and what does not. I was thinking maybe some exs stay in contact because they want to feel the way they did. I am just being myself. I am not trying to fix anything but simply knowing what went wrong the last time and not making the same mistakes. I will obviously not wait forever and need to set a limit if things to do not progress. I really appreciate all opinions! Question, are you dating other people yet? Do you still "miss him"? If not dating and still miss him you really need to move on. You've wasted over a year now on a "relationship" that didn't work. You could have been over him and met someone even better by now but instead you're letting it draw out.
Author confused00 Posted August 22, 2013 Author Posted August 22, 2013 I broke up with him because we got into an argument not because he was looking at rings. i always pictured marrying him and having a family. maybe stupid on my part but i feel like i only saw his faults. i am thankful for this break up because i see how i was as well. I wanted things to be different. I think alot of times people may get back together too soon and do not resolve issues that got you broken up in the first place. Not saying you should just break up with someone but we are only human and it happens. I have a very open mind to everything. And yes I have gone on dates and continue to meet other people.
Author confused00 Posted August 22, 2013 Author Posted August 22, 2013 I should also mention that when i broke up with him i first started texting him everyday. He got mad i was texting him told me not too,we didn't talk for like two days and then he texted me apologizing. That is when he told me how hurt he was. And then we talked everyday.
jesse93 Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 Trying to stay in contact with an ex is an emotional roller coaster, that's what I've come to learn, I've been in contact with my ex since our break up and some times I'm happy to be talking to her, and others I'm just a train wreck I put on an act to pretend like I'm ok but talking to her isn't helping me at all so I decided to cut all contacts tonight, I think this is what you need to do for your well being, from what you've said it seems like neither of you have truly moved on you keep talking to each other which keeps the feelings there, but neither of you will admit it so you keep playing along like you're just friends, but I'm pretty sure there is a lot more than friendship you are both feeling, continuously talking to your ex is a bad cycle it wont get you anywhere, your heart cant heal until you truly let them go, that's what I've come to realize now, as much as I want to talk to my ex, I can't, I need to heal now.. and I think you do too.
Soat Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 I should also mention that when i broke up with him i first started texting him everyday. He got mad i was texting him told me not too,we didn't talk for like two days and then he texted me apologizing. That is when he told me how hurt he was. And then we talked everyday. Sorry but you need to let it go. This person needs to be gone from your life. It's hard, but sooner you recognize it the sooner you will meet someone better for you. Effectively, you've let the relationship continue in your mind by moving it to a permanent mourning stage.
Author confused00 Posted August 25, 2013 Author Posted August 25, 2013 Just wanted to let you all know. No contact day two. I'm neutral about it. I've been use to living without him or in a different way over the past year so I've adjusted already. I think this could be a case of the gigs with all the back and forth with him. He truely thinks he has been living without me. Lol to that! Only time will tell what will happen and if i will be interested or not. I am looking forward to life. i wish you all the best. Perhaps i will update again sometime however not thinking to much about it as of now.
Recommended Posts