Desperate Needed

[Lovebuddy]

Okay-might be a bit of a long post but bear with me. Any help is appreciated.

Basically me and my ex broke up nearly a year ago now, we got back together briefly after this but was very messy and we both wanted different things, I didn't want her changing jobs etc.

 

When we broke up second time I panicked and begged her to come back for about two weeks and said a lot of nasty and stupid things until she got really pissed off and told me leave her alone, I realised now I had to let her go.

 

We both went no contact and as the months went on it was kind of strange that I realised all the mistakes I had made and what went wrong and what I should have done and finally realised how much I truly love this girl and would spend the rest of my life with her but maintained my composure as I did not want to face the heartbreak all over again and accepted defeat.

 

Then one night we randomly bumped into each other at the cinema, she came over gave me a huge hug and we chatted for ages and ages before saying goodbye. She had still been in contact with my family throughout this time. I caved and texted her saying great to see you, regretted it immediately but to my surprise she texted back. I just left it at that.

 

About 6 weeks before my exams I sent her an email just saying sorry for the way I acted after the break up and best of luck in the future. She emailed me back immediately and said all is forgiven, be happy.

 

Again I left it at that, the night before my exams started she text me saying the best of luck now, I know youll be fine. I just simply text back thank you.

 

At the beginning of the summer I was moving to new York for 3 months, because I was going I text her a day before I went to see did she want to go for a coffee to which she agreed but then said she wouldn't be able to make it till after my scheduled flight so would I like to have a chat to which I said don't worry, forget about it.

 

She then asked me to get onto her during my time over there to let her know how it went etc. I wished her well and said all the best.

 

I didn't contact her until my exam results came out when I was in such a good mood I sent her a very brief email about new York to which she immediately replied.

 

Since then we have had more and more contact, all through email, in fact I didn't even realise how much we had been in contact so much till I came home and seen we had sent each other over 60 emails within about 3 weeks!! We agreed to a call after a load of emails and were on the phone till my battery went, it was like old times, conversation was flowing, it was quite surreal after everything that happened actually!! During this conversation she asked about my family and said it would be nice to see them to which I replied she should go up and see them as I wont be home anyway, to my surprise she then responded saying shed love to see me too. I couldn't believe it but tried to play it cool on the phone andnjust continued the conversation nicely. Then my battery went.

 

I sent her a quick email saying sorry my battery went and she responded immediately no problem let me know when yer home and ill call up.

 

So I got home after another two weeks and sent her a quick email if shes free in the next month shes more than welcome to call up just let me know the date that suits. She replied back that she was free the following day.

 

The next day we text back and forthe and she was set to call up to mine, about an hour before this she got panicky and said she was tired and said she was nervous. I just said don't worry about it, no problem. About half an hour later she then text me saying she was going to get over the nervousness and call up which she did.

 

We gave eachother a big hug and chatted for about an hour and she met some of the family again, after we went to a bar(we were going to go alone but I suggested going to my brother and cousin) just to keep the mood light. We went down and had a fun time before she left, we gave eachother a huge hug and were saying goodbye but just when she was leaving she said get a new phone eh( haven't got 1 since ive been home). We are both going to a game in two and a half weeks and I asked her would she like to go for a drink with me before the game after work to which she said yes, said id get onto her the day before the game and we'd arrange a place to meet and we both walked away happy.

 

It was her birthday yesterday and I sent her just avery quick email, saying happy birthday, was lovely to see you doing well, look after yourself. She has not responded to this.

 

I want her back, I want to give this another go, I love this girl to bits but do not want to go through the heartbreak again. We both hurt eachotehr and both made mistakes, she told me 7 months ago her feelings were gone and leave her alone. Now what to do, we are both happy now, we have both moved on but I realise the mistakes I have made and honestly wanna give this 1 more go.

 

The relationship has not been mentioned in about 6 months, should I ask for 1 more chance. Why do you think she did not respond to my birthday message, should I text her about the drink in two weeks when the time comes or just let it go??

 

My thinking at the moment is to text her the night before the game and see is would she like to go for 1 beer. If she agrees, try have some fun and suss the situation to see would she like to go out again. Is that a good idea?

 

Do you think I should have brought up the relationship last Saturday when we were having such a fun time, should I pour my heart out? Deep down I know that I want one more chance. Do you think I have any hope? Did she not respond to my birthday message as shes changed her mind or was there even a need to respond to a message like that and she already said thank Saturday night? Or is she confused too? Any help here would be appreciated.. many thanks guys. Sorry for such a long story

 

This was

[Lovebuddy]

by the way we were together 3 years

[Ireallydontknow]

Keep the past in the past. If you try again with her think of it as a new relationship. Also think about WHY you broke up to begin with. Have you changed enough to warrant another healthy go? Has she?

 

You know this better than us. If you are afraid to get hurt, it's probably for good reason. Proceed with caution! Best of luck.

[Lovebuddy]

I honestly feel right now that we've both changed enough to give this another go and I want to support her.

 

What I am afraid of is saying this to her because if she says no I will be crushed again, basically I have 3 main questions

 

1. After reading this story do you reckon my ex has any interest?

 

2.Should I text her about the drink?

 

3.I'm confused as to why she didn't say thanks to my birthday message? Could this mean anything or should I forget about this?

[Lovebuddy]

any advice at all?

[Ireallydontknow]

Just the desperation I'm getting off of you doesn't sound healthy. What made you or her unhappy in the relationship? What changes were made so it doesn't arise again? Are you compromising yourself for the idolized version of this girl?

 

You are over thinking this whole text message thing too. It doesn't sound like this is a good course of action. You well probably get burned, or push her out without even thinking about it out of fear.

[Lovebuddy]

HAHA, no im just confused, sorry. 3 main things went wrong..I lost my job

2. I did not support her career enough or not get to know her friends enough

3. Our communication

 

I am now a year away from a degree, I want to support her career and get to know her friends and am willing to speak about problems and be less selfish....provided she is too.

 

I just wanna know from reading my story do you think we have a chance or should I let go? Because if there is a chance I wanna make a go of it

[lonegirl]

Don't want to confuse you or give false hopes or take you away from a possible moving on state... i will answer as a true believer of seconds chances. It feels like you both have feelings for each other and it can works IF both restart leaving the past where it belongs. if you two are ready I would go for it, as two new persons... and if it works (i'm sending you positive thoughts right now it will), there will be arguments as in any relationship, but if things from the past then come up here, heartbreaks are possible to happen. I don't know you two but are you sure she changed on her side? Did you change on yours?

[Lovebuddy]

thanks guys, Iwant to give this a go and I want her to take me back but I have no idea how she feels. What is the best way to go about this?

[loversquarrel]

Umm....why don't you try calling her and asking?

[Lovebuddy]

Because we'd agreed to a drink in a few weeks. She did not respond to my happy birthday email and I don't want to push it on her. I think giving her space over the next two weeks and then texting her for a drink is not coming on too strong

[Chi townD]

Right now, you're chatting like you two are in the "friend zone" and she seems happy with that set-up. So, don't be surprised if that's where she wants it to remain.

[Lovebuddy]

Why you think that bud? She told me months ago that we could Never just be friends. Is my best course of action just to ask her on a date next time we meet up and just forget about it till then?

[theonlyjuan]

Be happy that you are getting along and are friends. If I was you I would leave it at that for a while

[Chi townD]

Because when you were dating, you two wanted different things and when the relationship ended, a lot of mean and nasty things were said between the two of you.

 

Now, that you to are periodically chatting, things are friendly and relaxed. No name calling, no mean things are said. And she seems okay with that and she may not want to try to fix what isn't broken.

[Lovebuddy]

Yep, I am happy now. I am looking forward to seeing her in 2 weeks and dya no what, im not even gonna bring up a relationship. Lets just see where this goes

[Chi townD]

That's EXACTLY what you need to do!

[Lovebuddy]

thanks guys