FemmeMystere Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 A few friends and I were having a discussion about the importance of chemistry in romantic relationships. Suppose you're dating a guy/gal, and while you like them well enough, they just didn't excite you. He/she treats you well, but doesn't give you "butterflies." Would you wait to see if a "spark" develops? Or would you end the relationship? Do you have to be "crazy about" a person in order for a relationship to work?
xorro Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 I think that the sparks can develop to a certain point.. I'd say that if you haven't developed an infatuation or strong attraction within a couple dates, it won't happen. I don't think the first date is always enough time to tell, but the fourth should be. My sister went on a date with a guy, didn't really feel sparks (she was nervous) but they went on a couple more dates.. They're now going strong and crazy about each other.
KatZee Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 I would end it. I had to learn the hard way that sparks/chemistry is either there, or it's not. It doesn't magically show up over a period of time, it doesn't show up the more comfortable you get with someone. I once dated a guy I felt no chemistry with. I gave him a shot because I wanted to give a "nice guy" a shot, I was tired of being in bad relationships, so I decided to give this guy a chance. I felt nothing from day 1. A few months later, I still felt nothing. I tried telling myself that if I stayed with him longer I would eventually feel it. A year into our relationship, nothing. I obviously cared about him to a certain point, but he was mainly a brother figure or a best friend. I eventually started resenting him and he became so unattractive to me. I unintentionally started being really nasty to him, treating him horribly... I was so stressed out, not happy, and every time I tried to tell him I wanted to end it, or that I needed space to think, he would hysterically sob in my face, beg and plead for another chance, swear up and down he would make me happy. It was so so sad. Eventually it got so bad I wound up emotionally cheating on him. I realized then that I needed to get out and I dumped him. Long story short, if you don't feel anything for a person you're dating, move on. It's not fair or good for either of you.
Author FemmeMystere Posted August 21, 2013 Author Posted August 21, 2013 I would end it. I had to learn the hard way that sparks/chemistry is either there, or it's not. It doesn't magically show up over a period of time, it doesn't show up the more comfortable you get with someone. I once dated a guy I felt no chemistry with. I gave him a shot because I wanted to give a "nice guy" a shot, I was tired of being in bad relationships, so I decided to give this guy a chance. I felt nothing from day 1. A few months later, I still felt nothing. I tried telling myself that if I stayed with him longer I would eventually feel it. A year into our relationship, nothing. I obviously cared about him to a certain point, but he was mainly a brother figure or a best friend. I eventually started resenting him and he became so unattractive to me. I unintentionally started being really nasty to him, treating him horribly... I was so stressed out, not happy, and every time I tried to tell him I wanted to end it, or that I needed space to think, he would hysterically sob in my face, beg and plead for another chance, swear up and down he would make me happy. It was so so sad. Eventually it got so bad I wound up emotionally cheating on him. I realized then that I needed to get out and I dumped him. Long story short, if you don't feel anything for a person you're dating, move on. It's not fair or good for either of you. Wise words. I was in a similar situation a while back. I was dating this guy, and at first I thought he was perfect. He was nice, cute, lots in common with me, my ideal guy. I liked him a lot, because he was looking for the same things out of a relationship that I was, which was refreshing after encountering so many fling-seekers. Buuuut, there was no chemistry. His kisses didn't make me tingle, and he didn't excite me sexually. I really tried to make it work, but it's there or it isn't. I think he could sense my lack of passion, and we mutually ended things after six months. I'm seeing someone else now, and I didn't feel a "spark" for him until around the 4th date or so. Now I'm just enamored with him! I knew it was there when we happened to run into each other by chance in the grocery store. As soon as I saw him my heart flipflopped 1
BradJacobs Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 If that physical chemistry isn't there then I don't move forward. Either I want to kiss her the first time that I meet her and want to sleep with her or I don't at all. Never had something develop even though I gave it a shot a time or two. Without the spark I'd rather be alone. 1
abby_tx Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 I wouldn't rule out someone if sparks don't fly on the first date. But a few dates in you should know. I speak from experience!
SugarLips72 Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 If there is no chemistry after 2 or 3 dates, it's not there. End it. I ended it with someone 2 months ago after almost a month of dating. No spark, no chemistry and probably should have been ended before it did but because he was a nice guy I tried to force something that was not there. 1
todreaminblue Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 flash fires burn out quickly but slow burns where you dont even see the sparks ignite are the ones that take off and go for miles......i think chemistry can develop over knowing someone it doesnt have to be an instantaneous explosion for chemistry to happen... i think mostly with dating that you have to give people chances..i am attracted to a quiet strength in a guy and normally those guys are......quiet with a killer smile ....smilin.....so chemistry is something to me would be a slow burn over getting to know them i trust my instincts even though i have got it wrong before...doesnt mean my instincts are wrong......definitely give a guy a chance...or a woman for that matter...nerves and everything else scary comes into play getting to know someone a bit better...... ..deb.....
Calcmag Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 For me it usually takes 2/3 dates before I feel much physical chemistry with a guy. A great kiss usually seals it. If there's no chemistry after a great kiss and 3 or so dates, it's not happening. Incidentally, I had the best chemistry ever with a guy who started off as absolutely not my type physically. But there was something about him. Before our 4th date I told myself that if by the end of the night there were no sparks, I really had to stop dating him. When we kissed after that date I actually went weak in the knees which totally sealed the deal.
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