Squishee Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 Hi everyone, I need some advice. My boyfriend of almost 5 years ended things with me a month ago. Looking back I can clearly see that him and I were not meant to be. We just weren't right together. One of his oldest friends has always stood out to me. He would always buy me beers instead of my cheap ex boyfriend. He would make sure he had my favorite drinks at parties. And we always got along great. For some reason I always had a thing for me. He was always everything I wanted. Since the breakup, he does not agree with the things my ex did nor does the rest of his family (i get along great with his family) He has been a good friend to me during this time. For some reason He just stands out to me and always did. I am 31 years old and I know where my boundaries are and what I am looking for in a life partner. I want to get to know him on a deeper level but I am very nervous. He is a very quality man and usually doesnt date because he says he doesnt need the drama. I believe there is no drama if you treat each other well. I want to tell him how I feel but I dont know if I should. Some say men like when a girl makes the first move some say they dont because they like the chase. I am an open person and I go after what i want. I dont have time for games. And I truly believe he doesnt either. Him and my ex have known each other since they were 6 years old but they dont see each other much because they do have different groups of friends. He also thinks that my ex is a selfish cheap mommas boy (pretty much what everyone else thinks too) I am very conflicted and I am hoping for some advice. Thanks
truth_seeker Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 I would hold off on this. Getting out of a 5 year relationship and making one of your ex's friends your rebound isn't the best idea. I'm not saying not to give it a shot... but give it more time before you make any moves. 3
salparadise Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 Well, one month off of a five year relationship is not much time to do your healing, is it? Do you really believe that getting with your former bf's long-time friend before the curtain has even come down on the prior relationship would be drama free? Even if he doesn't hold your former bf in the highest regard, having been friends since age 6 is likely to be the basis of bond between them (although not a certainty). So there could be some reluctance on his part to just snap you up on the rebound. Interesting how you characterize your ex-bf as a selfish, cheap, momma's boy. How did you manage to not realize that four years ago? Did he just become that way recently or did you decide to vilify him because you're angry? So what you're wondering is if you should come on to the new guy so he'll know you're interested, followed by playing hard to get to give him the opportunity to chase? Forget whatever you hear about the chase––it's never that simple. And playing hard to get is playing games, which of course you don't do. My advice would be to take time to get over the previous relationship, and after a reasonable amount of time to process it, make contact with new guy and see how he acts toward you. If he's interested it will probably be apparent.
Author Squishee Posted August 21, 2013 Author Posted August 21, 2013 I on some level always knew my ex was the way he was. But of course I thought I could change him. Truth is,I was unhappy for a while. We both were. And one week after our breakup he decided to woo a 24 year old. He made getting over him quite easily. Yes my ego was bruised. But I went through the emotional cycle of the breakup and I've reached the point where my happiness is top priority. I'm not looking to jump into a relationship with this new guy. But I wanted to let him know how I feel. I hate holding it in.
CherryT Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 (edited) I on some level always knew my ex was the way he was. But of course I thought I could change him. Truth is,I was unhappy for a while. We both were. And one week after our breakup he decided to woo a 24 year old. He made getting over him quite easily. Yes my ego was bruised. But I went through the emotional cycle of the breakup and I've reached the point where my happiness is top priority. I'm not looking to jump into a relationship with this new guy. But I wanted to let him know how I feel. I hate holding it in. I can see 2 different POV's in this case. Definitely consider whether you are rebounding or not. You can be over him but still need to heal from the damage the relationship may have caused you. Whether you know it now or not. On the other hand, I know 2 couples who were in long relationships (5 years and 11 years) that started dating a month or so after they had broken up. They, like you, weren't happy and knew the relationship was over long before it ended. The difference is (and it may or may not have any significance, but just an observation) that they were the ones to end things. They just had enough and knew wholeheartedly there was no love left in the relationship and that it ran it's course. The way they described it, it was like they had a chance to heal before they ended things. They were OK with all the good and the bad things that happened and although they never ever came close to remotely cheating (physically or emotionally), they did say they were ready to be with other people by the time they ended things. In their heads they've already moved on. They both were also in really bad relationships where they were doing all the giving and their partner at the time was doing all the taking. They both met nice people shortly after the broke up's and are now married. Edited August 21, 2013 by CherryT
Author Squishee Posted August 21, 2013 Author Posted August 21, 2013 Well, I did tell him how I feel. I left it wide open for him. He told me he wants to stay friends and its not his fault his friend is an idiot lol My ex did all the taking and I lost myself completely so he blames me for him not loving me anymore. Typical selfish behavior. Regardless, I am looking forward to loving myself again and all the happiness I can give to myself. But I'm glad I told him how I felt and he still wants to remain in contact with me. So we never know what the future holds.
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