Theman61386 Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 Ok so this will be a fairly long story, but I need to get everything off my chest. I broke up with my gf about 2 months ago. She said that she wants to remain friends, and that just because we break up now doesn't mean that we won't be back together in the future (like a year or 2). Her comment is that she is a little bit unsatisfied with sex, but that other then that things are pretty much perfect. She says that she owes it to herself to date other people and see if she can find something that is the perfect package, and that she is too young to take a sexual handicap (for lack of the perfect word). We still talk and such, with some fights breaking out from time to time. She has tried to put me down about what other girls would think of my living situation and such (living alone in a home owned by my parents, but still paying rent). She gets very concerned about if I'm going out, and who I'm going out with, she tried to find out information by making jokes about things like if I have to buy condoms. We were intimate after we broke up, but that has since stopped. She also gets upset when I say things like we will never be back together, she says because she doesn't want me to rule anything out. She also had a breakup with an ex like this at 2 years, and then after 8 months (6 of no contact), she got back together with the ex for 2 more years. So it's not like this is out of the ordinary for her to do. I'm just trying to understand everything, and honestly I can't. I don't see the point in this. We try to talk daily and see each other 2 times a month, but I don't know what for. I did not answer a text of hers the other day, and an hour later my phone was ringing, yet she is going to be going on a date with another guy. It seems as if she wants to date, but gets scared at the prospect of me dating, eventhough she "says" I should see whats out there too, but it seems that is not what she wants. Why is she so concerned about my dating life? Why is she saying we may be together in the future? Though I have come to the conclusion I need to move on, I just want to know why. I think what I need right now is someone to talk to. Maybe a girls perspective would be helpful in understanding things.
barky2 Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 I'm going to lay it out here for you...one day you'll thank me but hate me now. I know your hurting, I've been there. I've been told a lot of things during my breakup that she did to just hurt me so bare with me here She told you she's not happy with sex with you, and then you guys broke up. She owes it to herself to try and find the whole package. Then you still think that ull get her back in a few months BC she got back with her ex. Did I read that right? Good. Now here it comes. She wants to go bang other people bro. And she straight up told you that in lack of other words. And you still want to be with her? Let me tell you something, when my ex and I broke up, she hooked up with a friend she's known for years, she told me he was better than me at knocking skins. It hurt. It did. I said the fug am I doing listening to this right now? I manned up. Walked away. Funny thing is this...she came back shortly after because sex is just sex when no feelings are there, and she realised its so much better because she loves me...and making love. See what I'm getting at? I didn't take her back lol and you should be finding someone who begs for it and wants it from you. Let that girl go and do the damn thing with however many people she wants...she showed her true colors. Follow NC rules specified by Tara and others...heal up and find yourself a real woman and not a floozy. If you need me, inbox me. Barky 6
Philosoraptor Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 Sounds like she wants to "win" the breakup. Talking about how good she is doing and degrading you. Wants to keep you holding on in case she can't find someone she likes better, but doesn't see you as her "perfect" choice. Don't allow yourself to be her backup plan. Is keeping contact with her benefiting you in any way? Seems like you're just getting hurt more and more. 3
Knoxpwns Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 You want to know why??? Dude, have some respect for yourself man, because she has ZERO for you. Is she kidding? she has the ****ing audacity to "find the better package" (aka, she's trying to find someone better than you to replace you) and still is being agressive and assertive in FORCIBLY HOLDING YOU DOWN ON HER SECOND PLACE PEDISTAL... C'mon bro, do you really want to wait around for someone who is ****ing other guys, but is half demanding that you wait for her to get her fill of dicks so she can fall back on you for emotional support? You can do so much better than this its not even funny. Dude, I'm really sorry because I would normally NEVER speak poorly of anyone's woman, but this b***h is a ****ing lunatic. You deserve to be someone elses gold medal, not be held as her silver. You can do better, you deserve better, if she can't decide to be with you make the decision for her. break up, NC, talk to all of us here to help you get through it, and before you know it you'll be with a girl who couldn't imagine life with anyone but you. 1
lonegirl Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 Wow! as a girl and being straight forward, she doesn't love or deserve you. Move on NOW! When we love somebody, even if the sex isn't all that, we try to work things out, as sex is important but not everything in a relationship. She wants to keep you as a backup plan for when she grows tired of what she plans to do... run away!! You deserve way better! Go no contact and disappear from her sight. 4
Philosoraptor Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 Wow! as a girl and being straight forward, she doesn't love or deserve you. Move on NOW! When we love somebody, even if the sex isn't all that, we try to work things out, as sex is important but not everything in a relationship. Can't disagree, sex is something that can be worked on together. The sex comment she made seems like a direct way to degrade. Just think, the worse you think you are in bed the less likely you are to move on. Like she wants to do anything she wants, but keep him on a leash.
lonegirl Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 Btw, never think you are not good enough because she said so. Everybody have their ways, their fantasies, something special they like to do or receive. Is all about working out when there's LOVE or finding our right match. It's just sad when people breaks up, crush your heart and still wants to bring you down this way she's doing. Believe me, you deserve way better than this girl. 2
Author Theman61386 Posted August 20, 2013 Author Posted August 20, 2013 Thanks for the responses. I am not mad at any of you, in fact thankful of your opinions. I realize I need to move on and find a great girl, hopefully there is one out there. I am trying to put myself out there, because I realize this is not healthy. I just wanted to know why she is doing this, because it makes no sense to me. I also did tell her once that I do not desire to be anyone's silver medal and I deserve someone to love me for the way I am. I just don't get it, it's fine if you are unhappy, but why try to hold me back, and try to put me down...it makes no sense.
Philosoraptor Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 I just don't get it, it's fine if you are unhappy, but why try to hold me back, and try to put me down...it makes no sense. Misery loves company. And if you move on first you "win" the breakup.
barky2 Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 Wow! as a girl and being straight forward, she doesn't love or deserve you. Move on NOW! When we love somebody, even if the sex isn't all that, we try to work things out, as sex is important but not everything in a relationship. She wants to keep you as a backup plan for when she grows tired of what she plans to do... run away!! You deserve way better! Go no contact and disappear from her sight. ^ this time a million. Perfect insight lonegirl.
barky2 Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 Thanks for the responses. I am not mad at any of you, in fact thankful of your opinions. I realize I need to move on and find a great girl, hopefully there is one out there. I am trying to put myself out there, because I realize this is not healthy. I just wanted to know why she is doing this, because it makes no sense to me. I also did tell her once that I do not desire to be anyone's silver medal and I deserve someone to love me for the way I am. I just don't get it, it's fine if you are unhappy, but why try to hold me back, and try to put me down...it makes no sense. As stated....she wanted you as a backup dudr. She wants you to be self conscious so YOU DONT MOVE ON. Wake up man, grab your berries and get the hop too away from this girl....you WILL be forever miserable with her because she will be settling with you and the first stud that walks by shell be all over and you'll be right back here. Save yourself, find a woman who's got her shat together.....you deserve it. Barky
Author Theman61386 Posted August 20, 2013 Author Posted August 20, 2013 Yea....I guess you're right. Very helpful to have all of you to talk to me as well as reading other forums on here. Makes me feel at least a little better. After reading the Grass is Greener forum, it almost sounds like this. I just dont have time for that, as I am getting closer to the point where I would like to find a great girl to settle down with and I think she might be too immature for that (eventhough she talks about it). For the record I am 27 and she is 22.
barky2 Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 Yea....I guess you're right. Very helpful to have all of you to talk to me as well as reading other forums on here. Makes me feel at least a little better. After reading the Grass is Greener forum, it almost sounds like this. I just dont have time for that, as I am getting closer to the point where I would like to find a great girl to settle down with and I think she might be too immature for that (eventhough she talks about it). For the record I am 27 and she is 22. I'll be 27 in a few months, I know how you feel. There a some great ones out there man that will do anything for you. You only have one direction....and that's up. Take the time to heal, better yourself, and when its time, someone much much better will come along. Barky
Petunia20 Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 Wow! as a girl and being straight forward, she doesn't love or deserve you. Move on NOW! When we love somebody, even if the sex isn't all that, we try to work things out, as sex is important but not everything in a relationship. She wants to keep you as a backup plan for when she grows tired of what she plans to do... run away!! You deserve way better! Go no contact and disappear from her sight. I agree. As a woman I can vouch for this. I fell in love with a man because of his personality and great looks. When it came down to sleeping with him, he was bad lol i loved him so much that a lot of the times i never climaxed. I loved him so much that i stood with him. It sounds like she knows you are not going anywhere and will be there if and when she doesnt find anyone better. I know because I have been guilty of this too at one point. We think that men like you wont leave us and we can get away with anything. But when you do leave we are stunned and try desperately to get you back.
Author Theman61386 Posted August 20, 2013 Author Posted August 20, 2013 I think what makes me feel much better is that I am a great guy and I know that she will come to regret her decision. I have been weening down the contact with her to the point that it fades away naturally. I know, I should just cut it, but in some weird way, doing it this way has helped....and so have your opinions. I know one day she is going to come knocking, and that I will be with a great girl at that point and will be happier then she could ever or ever did make me.
barky2 Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 I think what makes me feel much better is that I am a great guy and I know that she will come to regret her decision. I have been weening down the contact with her to the point that it fades away naturally. I know, I should just cut it, but in some weird way, doing it this way has helped....and so have your opinions. I know one day she is going to come knocking, and that I will be with a great girl at that point and will be happier then she could ever or ever did make me. That's how it works. Now work on yourself to make every woman want you. The rest will come naturally. Barky
Author Theman61386 Posted August 27, 2013 Author Posted August 27, 2013 So just an update. Today is a particularly hard day because I will be dropping her stuff off to her, and although I won't have to see her, its still hard....like severing that last little tie. I also decided that no contact is best for me, because its not helping anyone to keep in touch. It still just feels really hard to be severing those last ties. Though I am becoming more ok with the situation I still find myself ever wondering if she will wake up and regret her decision...or even miss me ever.
barky2 Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 Congrats on taking that last step forward. Its needed...one way or another. You need to move forward. Cutting ties is one aspect of doing so. High five for figuring out nc is the way to go. I know from experience how truly remarkable nc is.
Author Theman61386 Posted August 27, 2013 Author Posted August 27, 2013 Thanks! Yea...it had to be done. My last text to her will be today telling her that her stuff is waiting for her and to take care of herself. Figured I will take the high road out. I know I'll heal in time, and I will take pride in the fact that she will likely regret everything she has done.
barky2 Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 Don't wish her well. Be a man. " just dropped your stuff off" Will do just fine. The added little comment will boost her ego. Just my 2 cents. Barky 1
Chi townD Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 Meh...what you wrote is fine in my opinion. The big task for you is to not respond to anything she sends after that. Ignore, ignore, ignore! 2
Author Theman61386 Posted September 2, 2013 Author Posted September 2, 2013 So I wound up talking with the ex again, and this is not about the mistake that I made in doing so. She is doing well, and dating some other guy, which I hate, but have already come to terms with when we broke up that it would happen. I would like to maybe be friends with her someday, but need to resume no contact for now, as talking with her almost feels like forced awkward conversation, and she always tries to rub the new guy in my face, she likes him quite a bit, etc. Good for her....but I don't want to always talk about that. I guess I hate leaving open ended things, and hate just not responding to her, and want to give her an explanation as to what is going on. I know maybe I am being nice here, but I was always nice to her and want to go out on a high note. So I ask you about this letter that I wanted to send to her: "So lately I've been doing some thinking or soul searching, or what have you. I have come to a realization about what we were to what we have become, and all the speedbumps we have encountered. I see that you have been distancing yourself from a friendship with me, which is fine, I understand. I have just come to a realization that you are a different person now, and maybe we should take a break from our friendship, and not talk....for now. You can go explore, do what you need to, and I will do the same. I really do wish you the best though. I will always remember you with affection, and will always care about you.. Maybe in the future if you have a change of heart or become excited about a friendship you can get in touch with me. Take care of yourself." Now I know it sounds nice and makes me look like I am trying to upset her. Truth is I have a problem leaving loose ends, which I feel like unanswered texts and no explanation is, and I feel like this closes things up for me, lets me take the high road, and keeps the option for friends open in the distant future, should that be desired at the time. I also feel like maybe this is a good decision to close things out, because once I wrote it and felt like I needed to send it. I started talking to two girls on a dating site. Now it's too early to say anything for those girls, but I can't help but feel like maybe it was a sign that this is what I needed for closure.
Joyvke Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 I can only advice, which I didn't follow myself and I hate myself for it right now, not to do it. Just leave it open. Like others said she just wants to bang around, why would you even want to be friends with a person that doesn't tell you up front?
Author Theman61386 Posted September 2, 2013 Author Posted September 2, 2013 Yea, I get so many mixed opinions about the letter, and I guess I felt like it keeps the option open for friends in the future. I can't say that I definitely want that in the future, but I would like the option. Yes, she did hurt me, and maybe she wasn't up front, but at the end of the day I still care about her, and think there could be something positive from all of this. Although I will say that I don't believe there is a relationship to be had, even if she comes running back.
Author Theman61386 Posted September 2, 2013 Author Posted September 2, 2013 So far I haven't sent it. I'm still trying to play everything over in my head. I don't know if its best to just ignore her, or whether something with an explanation is best. Although I need the space for myself, and I think she needs space too, I wouldn't mind being friends in the future. I want to go no contact in the way that gives me the greatest chance of friendship somewhere down the line, in the not so distant future.
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